Monday, May 24, 2010

Poetry Bus - Firefly picture

This week's bus is ably driven by Terresa who gave us a picture for inspiration - which can be viewed here along with the other passengers' links.


NanU said...


Rachel Fox said...

'This is fact' - love it.

Batteson.Ind said...

wow!.. along with other's of yours.. this one really does it for me! Love the 'her-shaped patch'.. just stunning!

Totalfeckineejit said...

Definitely ne of your best and a slightly different style that I like.

'from shallow her-shaped patch
carved out in swaying oats'

is beautiful.

Kat Mortensen said...

I really liked how you inverted the syntax in "From shallow her-shaped patch..." (and of course the alliteration - like that too).

Dave King said...

Great stuff. Loved it enough to keep reading it.

Niamh B said...

Thanks NanU, and Rachel x.
And thank you watercats - as always you're very kind!
Thanks TFE, interesting comment on the difference in style, must think about that.
Thanks Kat, it was fairly unconscious - the alliteration at least!
Thanks Dave, nice to hear it.

* said...

This is a magnetic poem, meaning, it pulls me in so completely, I don't want it to end.

Padhraig Nolan said...

Wow. And Wow again! I'm with NanU - this is delicious.

Argent said...

"her head shone gold
and the befriended orb
whispered glistening warmth into her ears" - super ending to a genuinely lovely poem.

Peter Goulding said...

Yes, agree with the above. Loved the her-shaped patch in the swaying oats.
(My head is currently shining pink)

Emerging Writer said...

super idea, VC, neatly done.
- this is fact. I think she went to my school...

Titus said...

Yes, yes, yes to all of the above! On a re-read I can't pick out what's great, as it is all so integral, but on my first read I, too, was really hooked by
"from shallow her-shaped patch"
"- this is fact".
Just loved it. Really good one.

Karen said...

Outstanding! I want to use all caps. This is unbelievably, breathtakingly good. That may sound like hyperbole, but it is absolutely not. I'm stunned and going back for more.

@ctors Business said...

For me there is hope, memory, possibility and some sadness in this verse I will be re-reading this poem again and again. The lines that struck me the most are

from shallow her-shaped patch
carved out in swaying oats

This is so beautiful and it really did shine for me

Niamh B said...

Thanks Terresa, it was a brilliant prompt, nice driving.
Thank you Padhraig! very kind.
Thanks Argent, glad you liked.
Thanks Peter - there's an ointment you can get for that.
Thanks EW - all the best people went to your school.
Thanks Titus, I'm really happy with all the feedback!
Thanks Karen, it does sound a little like hyperbole, but it's still most welcome :-)
Thanks Gwei Mui, I'm glad you got so much from it :-)

Lorenzo — Alchemist's Pillow said...

As enigmatic and appealing as the photo.
"shallow her-shaped patch
carved out in swaying oats"

stays in my mind

Niamh B said...

Thanks Lorenzo!

Enchanted Oak said...

Niamh, you have created a lovely scene and a vivid girl, taking a daring act and experiencing redemption. A beautiful job.
I hopped on the Bus late, as I was lost in the forest for the weekend, but I'm so glad I made it here to read your work. My take on the prompt is up, if you want to stop by.

Niamh B said...

Thanks Oak, very kind of you to say so, glad you made it back from the forest

Unknown said...

I'm late as usual - agree about 'her-shaped patch.' it's brilliant. Think I may be catching that poetry disease.

Niamh B said...

Thanks Jessica, a good doctor should be able to help you with that!