Wednesday, May 12, 2010

A Poem which attempts to dissuade you from bringing your ferret to Miss Selfridges

A Poem which attempts to dissuade you from bringing your ferret to Miss Selfridges *

Don't bring your ferret to Miss Selfridges
I know it may seem rather selfish-ish
but you'd be going against staff's best wishes
and you couldn't avoid his detection

Ferrets would target the cashmere sleeves
To hide in, staff would be so peeved
to find he's not part of the weave
he'd be quite the pest, an infection

Ferrets no matter how well groomed
are quite out of place in dressing rooms
and run the risk of being subsumed
into the summer all natural collection

So take the ferret and tell him straight
Sit him down, serve it on a plate
Do what you like, long as you stay away
with your ferret from Miss Selfridges, at least for today

* With thanks to Dublin Dave for the Commission


Totalfeckineejit said...

I keep Ferrets dowm my trousers,
unseen by shopkeepers and by browsers.
To prevent escape
I tie my trouser ends with string
and pray they don't nibble at me thing.

NanU said...

(Living dangerously, TFE.)
Love the pome, Niamh. & I think tomorrow's zebra just might snag your meme!

The Dead Acorn said...

A trip down there? That poor, poor ferret
What’s on the rack would surely scare it.
He’d see some kin in horrid roles:
Cousins Bob and Fred, both ermine stoles.

Niamh B said...

TFE - careful now! Keeps you moving anyway I suppose.
Tks NanU - looking forward to it!
Dead Acorn - can't believe I failed to spot a "ferret, scare it" rhyming opportunity! Thank you!!

Titus said...

Verse 3, in particular, is a masterpiece.

Whenever I go out with my ferret -
if both the public and I can quite bare it -
we prefer to take tea
at precisely half-past three
and have sandwiches, scones and Welsh Rarebit.

Boom Boom! Have we had foxes yet?

Niamh B said...

No foxes yet Titus, but if you'd like to suggest the outlet to which the public needs to be dissuaded from taking their foxes to, I can assure you I will do my best!

Titus said...

Why did I write "bare" in the previous when it should be "bear". Ooh, now there's a thought...

Back to foxes. Do you have Farmfoods over there? Or Iceland?

The Dead Acorn said...

Titus, I noticed that, and thought it one of the more notable Freudian slips I've seen as of late. Well played.

Niamh B said...

I never noticed it at all, by my speling's funny like that, no farm foods but we used to have iceland, I can go with that.
Dead Acorn, am most impressed.

Batteson.Ind said...

I feel a book is in the pipeline..

Niamh B said...

I am talking to the publishers right now, Penguin are refusing to look at it until I have somehow brought them into the mix...