Monday, June 29, 2009


(for those who've had a 10% paycut)

1. Decimate your spending. This is what you'll have to do to survive. Instead of the 10 pints on a Saturday night, restrict yourself to 9. If you have 10 children, give one of them away; (note: be sure to choose whichever child costs the most average amount to feed and clothe - very high or very low maintenance children when given away may result in a skew on the figures). And ensure that any trip you take is 10% shorter, if necessary get off the bus 18 stops away from home if your workplace is at stop 20.
2. Decimate your work. When at work, once you have 9 tasks done, relax ... whatever you're asked to do next is actually unnecessary distraction, you are only being asked to do it as a joke. Smile, laugh politely - but do not do it.
3. Wear a volunteer t-shirt to work once every two weeks (assuming you work the normal 5 day week). On that day tell everyone you are volunteering today because you just love the company, care so much about the cause of doing stuff for whoever profits from your work. This will automatically lift your self esteem as you hang out with the other Volunteers, and say things like "Man, I love this! I'm so glad I volunteered!!! This is such a worthwhile thing to do." Then shake your head like a saint in a beatific rapture.
5. Remember 10% off isn't really that much, like you probably wouldn't buy something on special that only had 10% off, unless you wanted it anyway, (or, I guess, unless you were trying to decimate your spending) so that's alright really.
By the way - the above advice will work with any level of paycut - simply adjust the sums accordingly....


Niamh B said...

In case you were wondering where point 4 got to, it decided to hide out among the comments:

4. When your boss tells you not to tell anyone about the paycut in case others think your company is in trouble, agree that you won't, and instead write a thinly disguised blog post on the subject - honoring your promise to the topcat...

Drama Queen said...

A bit surprised you didn't have nine points - or even 4 1/2 - or did you intend to make 5.5 comments and decimate them.
I have one more point. If you feel like eating nine bars ofchocolate, tell everyone you really want to eat 10 but are cutting back.
Apart from that I think that..... (rest has been decimated)

Niamh B said...

DQ - See point 4 above!

You're obviously one of those people who never read any one else's comments, out of respect for their privacy, of course.
Like your tip, will be implementing it immediately.

Drama Queen said...

And I thought my decimilisation of your decimation was so clever - now you accuse me of not reading the comments of others....ah well, can't win 'em all. Guess I'm just stoopid!

Niamh B said...

it was clever... really it was.