Sunday, May 30, 2010
Bill's Driving... the Poetry Bus
This week's driver was a tough task master... We had to pick our own sentance, chop it in half, come up with alternative endings, and make a poem somehow, someway out of the result - read more about it and see other passengers over here. Read my 5th attempt at the exercise below...
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
17 comments:
Hi Niamh, no idea what its about but the images stand out - those scary chainsaw trees, for example. For from being 'sad' I think you had fun with this, as that's what's coming through!
Thanks peter - have taken the words "sad" and "little" out of my description of the poem, as I realise that was just me fishing for compliments, and I had thought it was an unusually dark one for a sunny day... but I realise now you could read it in a lighter way
I'd love to hear this read (and not too fast!). There are some great dramatic moments and builds.
x
Hello Niamh, I love the flow of this poem. The last few lines She marks their barks and strips their leaves is a raw and intense
I like the fact that the poems this week seem to be erring on the slightly dark... love the pace of this and the intensity and not knowing... very coo'el!
Thanks Rachel,,, someday... when I find the camera lead again... I might just read it for you.
Thanks Gwei Mui, very kind
Thanks Watercats, weird isn't it? the middle of summer and we're all dark and creepy! lol
Wonder work, Niamh. It's beautifully written, and I come away with the sense of a life at a tipping point.
I like it! Has a mystical, sort of stream-of-consciousness feel. I can't decide whether it's a coming of age or a regret sort of thing, but it works for me!
Kat (mine's a nice piece of drivel)
It is an enigma; I like the way it doesn't start at a beginning and there is a fall and rise and fall again movement which I really liked. So not an easy read, but a memorable one, and some stunning lines. Loved "slippy life" and the chainsaw trees.
Really interesting, and I would like to hear it read too.
yes, a stream of fascinating images.
Afford to think of slippy life, how it slinked from her
Twas a difficult task. Not sure why
Thanks E Oak, very kind, I think tipping is an interesting description, glad you saw that much in it.
Thanks Kat, I suppose I should want it to say one thing or another more clearly, but can't help being kind of happy with that response.
Thanks Titus, I'll definitely have to read it out for ye sometime.
Thanks EW - it was pretty tough wasn't it? Good to get a stretch I guess. Keeps ya limber.
I like this litany of couldn't dos! I keep reading over the images of the techniques that she couldn't quite master. They put me in mind of several things, probably none of which you intended, but all of which are interesting and thought-provoking. Maybe she never did learn when it's safe to breathe and when to stay shut as life slinked away. The rough bark of the trees that should have stopped her is just another challenge. Very interesting (and I mean that as a compliment)!
Love the imagery - hasn't this week's challenge brought it out? Hope you will jump on next Monday when I am driving and produce another super poem.
I like this and, in general, poems which spill over into surrealism: this game can create some pretty surreal combinations of ideas.
Thanks Weaver, don't think I've missed one yet, so I'll be hoping to hop on alright!
Thanks Bill - twas a tough one but it did yeild interesting results...
The sharp edge of this one carries such profundity!
Thank you very much Jeanne!
:-)
Post a Comment