Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Update on the Shrink of the UnShrinkable

"It seems that the recent outbreak of poetry influenza, which, it turned out, was contagious after all, has made people more and more reluctant to consume their poetry in the crazy frenzied fashion that was the fashion up to the present time" so began the cautious speech delivered in the Dáil today by the minister for poetry and health - reflecting on the condition that has left 2 people in every household in the country unable to speak or listen to anything at all apart from poetry.

"Even with the poetry vaccination program now out there, ensuring no-one else comes down with the disease the fate of those who have contracted it is scary enough that people have begun to turn away from it in their twos and threes. Poetry-paralysis has a lot to answer for."

Members of the opposition claim that the government's mishandling of the whole surge in poetry, leading to a splurge of crazy spending on poetry has resulted in the present crisis.
Niamh B of various cushions hyper STARDOM has admitted "Things have really slowed down in the poetry world over the weekend, today I've only had 40 poems published, 27 commissions and just 7 odd crazed poetry fans following me on my daily poetry walk. It just seems like the mad love affair with poetry is finally coming to an end."

Poetry gurus deny that the slump is going to last for long with Mick Blendoon claiming
"All my friends are replacing their entire house decor with poems, poems as wallpaper, and outside the house too, on top of the pebbledashing, driveways are as likely to be sonnet-locked as cobble-locked and with the amount of rain in this country the demand is likely to stay pretty phenomenal. This is just a short term dip in interest, nothing to worry about." he looks up at a cloudless ashless sky with a glint of something that looks like hope against hope in his eyes...

10 comments:

Dave King said...

Is it just the one jab, I'm wondering, or do you need top-ups?
Great post.

Niamh B said...

Thanks Dave, I would assume you'd need a booster shot in 6 months time, just to help with anti-rhyme

Totalfeckineejit said...

David Mc Williamshakespear saw this crash coming a lot earlier than any one else.But Dermot Bollinger reckons that a slump may in fact be a good thing.That the real poets will survive while the bandwagon drives over the cliff to the strangled pipers tune, 'No more Heroes anymore'

Anyone seeking poetic refuge in all this fallout, jump aboard The Bus, a haven a sanctuary in these troubled trimes.

Totalfeckineejit said...

'troubled trimes' are like 'poetric' troubled times, only more serious and shit.

Niamh B said...

Oh TFE, I've a feeling there's a happy ending round the corner - just like real life, and yes the BUS will save us all in the meantime!
troubled trimetres

Enchanted Oak said...

Clever you. I am smiling on a Tuesday morning in California, chuckling at the ministry of poetry and health.

Titus said...

Have you been to EW's linky-one?
Five richest writers are all (whisper it)... novelists! What's going on?
I think it's a pandemic.

Niamh B said...

Thanks Oak :-)

Titus - that's only because only novelists would be crude enough to actually disclose their earnings from their art, defining success with money. Us poets know better.

the watercats said...

good lord!.. not the poetry too!.. is there nothing the govinmint can do!?.. a poetic bale out of some kind?, throw words at the poetic economy or something?... we're fecked!

Niamh B said...

no panic watercats, it'll work out alright...