Monday, May 24, 2010

Poetry Bus - Firefly picture

This week's bus is ably driven by Terresa who gave us a picture for inspiration - which can be viewed here along with the other passengers' links.

22 comments:

NanU said...

delicious!

Rachel Fox said...

'This is fact' - love it.
x

the watercats said...

wow!.. along with other's of yours.. this one really does it for me! Love the 'her-shaped patch'.. just stunning!

Totalfeckineejit said...

Definitely ne of your best and a slightly different style that I like.

'from shallow her-shaped patch
carved out in swaying oats'

is beautiful.

Poetikat said...

I really liked how you inverted the syntax in "From shallow her-shaped patch..." (and of course the alliteration - like that too).

Dave King said...

Great stuff. Loved it enough to keep reading it.

Niamh B said...

Thanks NanU, and Rachel x.
And thank you watercats - as always you're very kind!
Thanks TFE, interesting comment on the difference in style, must think about that.
Thanks Kat, it was fairly unconscious - the alliteration at least!
Thanks Dave, nice to hear it.

Terresa said...

This is a magnetic poem, meaning, it pulls me in so completely, I don't want it to end.

Padhraig Nolan said...

Wow. And Wow again! I'm with NanU - this is delicious.

Argent said...

"her head shone gold
and the befriended orb
whispered glistening warmth into her ears" - super ending to a genuinely lovely poem.

Peter Goulding said...

Yes, agree with the above. Loved the her-shaped patch in the swaying oats.
(My head is currently shining pink)

Emerging Writer said...

super idea, VC, neatly done.
- this is fact. I think she went to my school...

Titus said...

Yes, yes, yes to all of the above! On a re-read I can't pick out what's great, as it is all so integral, but on my first read I, too, was really hooked by
"from shallow her-shaped patch"
and
"- this is fact".
Just loved it. Really good one.

Karen said...

Outstanding! I want to use all caps. This is unbelievably, breathtakingly good. That may sound like hyperbole, but it is absolutely not. I'm stunned and going back for more.

Gwei Mui said...

For me there is hope, memory, possibility and some sadness in this verse I will be re-reading this poem again and again. The lines that struck me the most are

from shallow her-shaped patch
carved out in swaying oats

This is so beautiful and it really did shine for me

Niamh B said...

Thanks Terresa, it was a brilliant prompt, nice driving.
Thank you Padhraig! very kind.
Thanks Argent, glad you liked.
Thanks Peter - there's an ointment you can get for that.
Thanks EW - all the best people went to your school.
Thanks Titus, I'm really happy with all the feedback!
Thanks Karen, it does sound a little like hyperbole, but it's still most welcome :-)
Thanks Gwei Mui, I'm glad you got so much from it :-)

Lorenzo — Alchemist's Pillow said...

As enigmatic and appealing as the photo.
"shallow her-shaped patch
carved out in swaying oats"

stays in my mind

Niamh B said...

Thanks Lorenzo!

Enchanted Oak said...

Niamh, you have created a lovely scene and a vivid girl, taking a daring act and experiencing redemption. A beautiful job.
I hopped on the Bus late, as I was lost in the forest for the weekend, but I'm so glad I made it here to read your work. My take on the prompt is up, if you want to stop by.

Niamh B said...

Thanks Oak, very kind of you to say so, glad you made it back from the forest

Jessica said...

I'm late as usual - agree about 'her-shaped patch.' it's brilliant. Think I may be catching that poetry disease.

Niamh B said...

Thanks Jessica, a good doctor should be able to help you with that!