Sunday, May 30, 2010

Bill's Driving... the Poetry Bus

This week's driver was a tough task master... We had to pick our own sentance, chop it in half, come up with alternative endings, and make a poem somehow, someway out of the result - read more about it and see other passengers over here. Read my 5th attempt at the exercise below...

17 comments:

Peter Goulding said...

Hi Niamh, no idea what its about but the images stand out - those scary chainsaw trees, for example. For from being 'sad' I think you had fun with this, as that's what's coming through!

Niamh B said...

Thanks peter - have taken the words "sad" and "little" out of my description of the poem, as I realise that was just me fishing for compliments, and I had thought it was an unusually dark one for a sunny day... but I realise now you could read it in a lighter way

Rachel Fox said...

I'd love to hear this read (and not too fast!). There are some great dramatic moments and builds.
x

Gwei Mui said...

Hello Niamh, I love the flow of this poem. The last few lines She marks their barks and strips their leaves is a raw and intense

the watercats said...

I like the fact that the poems this week seem to be erring on the slightly dark... love the pace of this and the intensity and not knowing... very coo'el!

Niamh B said...

Thanks Rachel,,, someday... when I find the camera lead again... I might just read it for you.
Thanks Gwei Mui, very kind
Thanks Watercats, weird isn't it? the middle of summer and we're all dark and creepy! lol

Enchanted Oak said...

Wonder work, Niamh. It's beautifully written, and I come away with the sense of a life at a tipping point.

Poetikat said...

I like it! Has a mystical, sort of stream-of-consciousness feel. I can't decide whether it's a coming of age or a regret sort of thing, but it works for me!

Kat (mine's a nice piece of drivel)

Titus said...

It is an enigma; I like the way it doesn't start at a beginning and there is a fall and rise and fall again movement which I really liked. So not an easy read, but a memorable one, and some stunning lines. Loved "slippy life" and the chainsaw trees.
Really interesting, and I would like to hear it read too.

Emerging Writer said...

yes, a stream of fascinating images.

Afford to think of slippy life, how it slinked from her

Twas a difficult task. Not sure why

Niamh B said...

Thanks E Oak, very kind, I think tipping is an interesting description, glad you saw that much in it.
Thanks Kat, I suppose I should want it to say one thing or another more clearly, but can't help being kind of happy with that response.
Thanks Titus, I'll definitely have to read it out for ye sometime.
Thanks EW - it was pretty tough wasn't it? Good to get a stretch I guess. Keeps ya limber.

Karen said...

I like this litany of couldn't dos! I keep reading over the images of the techniques that she couldn't quite master. They put me in mind of several things, probably none of which you intended, but all of which are interesting and thought-provoking. Maybe she never did learn when it's safe to breathe and when to stay shut as life slinked away. The rough bark of the trees that should have stopped her is just another challenge. Very interesting (and I mean that as a compliment)!

The Weaver of Grass said...

Love the imagery - hasn't this week's challenge brought it out? Hope you will jump on next Monday when I am driving and produce another super poem.

Bill said...

I like this and, in general, poems which spill over into surrealism: this game can create some pretty surreal combinations of ideas.

Niamh B said...

Thanks Weaver, don't think I've missed one yet, so I'll be hoping to hop on alright!
Thanks Bill - twas a tough one but it did yeild interesting results...

Jeanne Iris said...

The sharp edge of this one carries such profundity!

Niamh B said...

Thank you very much Jeanne!

:-)