Sunday, May 30, 2010

Everything making sense


Would you prefer if everything made sense? Why, it's easy, all you need to do is use your tiny little head to make sense of anything.

Example: Why do trees grow up?
Answer: Because there are little fairy worms under the ground tickling their toes trying to make them laugh and give away the fact that trees can laugh, and so they try to grow away from them, and trees swaying in breeze is actually the trees quaking with the giggles from the aforementioned fairy tickles and the movement of the trees is actually what causes the breeze.

See? That makes sense doesn't it?
You try it.
Or give me another question that you've been pondering for me to make sense of if you like, whatever....

13 comments:

Totalfeckineejit said...

When you drop your buttered toast why does it always ,always, always land on a passing midget?

Lorenzo — Alchemist's Pillow said...

Why, dear Niamh, your powers of dry, clinical, laboratory-precise empirical observation are extraordinary. I wonder why my marijuana plants don't grow?

Niamh B said...

TFE: I haven't experienced that one myself - the more common experience being that the toast lands butter side down - I will instead address that question and maybe you can extrapolate out the reasons to explain the phenomenon you seem to observed.
Gravity is responsible for the falling of things. All things in the universe fall according to Newtons law of gravity - which he made up for himself to explain for the falling of an Apple. Now, scientists are organised people, and if two things are to fall, scientists have insisted for centuries that they must do so in an organised way. Since the first thing observed to follow the law of gravity was an apple - it made sense that things should continue to fall in strict alphabetical order. This is why in the case of buttered toast, the butter always will proceed to earth faster than the toast. When buttered bread falls, you will observe, after a little too-ing and fro-ing, that the bread ends up hitting the floor first, and the butter will land soon after... This also explains why you hear of horses falling far more often than Zebras.
Hope that helps...

Lorenzo back later on your question once I've had time to experiment.

Totalfeckineejit said...

Thanks Niamh, you make science simple and fun ,like arson.
Indeed I have noticed all wot you said happening including the zebras and the apples, but just put it down to 'a bad pint'

Niamh B said...

You're very welcome TFE.

Lorenzo, having given the matter serious thought I think I can safely conclude that your marijuana plants must be in want of the aforementioned fairy worms - which are also involved in the tree growing scenario. You need to tempt them into the pot by pretending that your marijuana plants are in fact very ticklish and are, because of that, giggling day and night. The way to make your marijuana plants appear to giggle is to plug the earphones from an ipod playing Celine Dion songs straight into the soil around them. Leave them in a prominant place in front of a window where all the local fairy worms (notoriously jealous creatures) will be sure to notice the plants as they sob uncontrollably, quivering in the exact same way as if they were gigglish. Turn off the ipod and leave the window open, you'll soon have all the local worm fairies tickling your plants to a great size. Good luck.

Titus said...

Wow. This is a resource and a half!
Why, scientific oracle, can I remember everything of little or no consequence, and yet nothing that I actually need to?
Always wondered about the zebras. Thanks!

Niamh B said...

I'll come back to you on that one after the bus Titus!

Lorenzo — Alchemist's Pillow said...

Yes, Niamh, I tried this and it worked sort of. The plants didn't really giggle, but I giggled so much following your instructions that I had to ask myself, "who needs these plants?".

Curiously, the word verification on this is poutas. Oh well, from pot giggles to pot pouts

Titus said...

It's OK. I'll have forgotten by then.

the watercats said...

Thank god someone has some common sense round here!... you see! it's blatantly obvious about the tickling tree fairies..! people are so dumb!
Mind you.. one enigma I have is Crystal Swing????... what sort of catastrophic failure of earthly mathmatics is going on there!? It's just alllll wronnng...

Niamh B said...

Doesn't matter Titus, I have made great progress towards the answer already, so I will be sharing it tomorrow,

Watercats, Crystal Swing are genius... you will understand when I explain.. tomorrow or wednesday...

:-) ... enigmatic? moi?

Titus said...

Positively Delphic.

Niamh B said...

Well I do the dishes often enough