Tuesday, May 4, 2010

A Poem which attempts to dissuade you from bringing your 3 toed sloth to Dunnes

Back by popular demand - another in the series of

"Animals and Enterprises - what animal you shouldn't bring where and why"

A Poem which attempts to dissuade you from bringing your 3 toed sloth to Dunnes - with thanks to TFE for posing the question

Don’t bring your three toed sloth to Dunnes

He’d surely linger by the buns

Would get stuck on the sticky ones

It wouldn’t be good craic

He’d want to eat all the free samples

Through deli counters he’d slowly trample

And squash the fruit, his butt is ample

Before it’s too late turn back!

Yes sloths are worst in groceries

The choosiest choosers at the slowest speed

They only think of their own greed

When they browse the shopping racks

So tell the sloth he’ll have to wait

At home, or slowly at the gate

He’s not getting out there, no mistake

No Dunnes for your three toed sloth today


the watercats said...

I love sloths.. they are my animal... my ambition in life is to cuddle one... they make me cry they are so beautiful.. seriously!

NanU said...

You're inspiring me.
I'm going to have to do one of these now, because I'm surely not getting any work done.

Anonymous said...

Do you take commissions? How about one about taking my ferret to Miss Selfridges?

Niamh B said...

wow watercats, I never knew.
Go on NanU - it's great fun if nothing else.
Yes dave - in fact that 3 toed sloth was an idea by TFE - I suppose I should have mentioned that, of course I shall attempt the ferret in Selfridges for you some time.

The Dead Acorn said...

Of course he’d linger by the pastries
But not because they’re so darn tasty
With just three toes, he’d stare in awe
And wish he had a huge bear-claw.

Lorenzo — Alchemist's Pillow said...

Niamh, could you please go back to clandestinely sneaking poems into shops, as you were fond of doing last year, instead of doing away with all imaginable means of animal shopping transportation and/or company? Really, with the economic crisis, I don't think merchants will much care for your oh-so-restrictive admission policies. ;)

Niamh B said...

Thank you Acorn - an astonishing insight into the inner workings of the sloth mind, and no doubt only further endearing their poor helpless selves to Watercats.
Lorenzo - is that your way of telling me "enough already?!?" No, Poems in Shops has to wait until December - it is a world famous festival, and I can't be compromising it by putting it on at any old time. :-)
Anyway it's only one animal that I am trying to dissuade people from bringing to one particular shop, there's nothing stopping you bringing the sloth to Tesco for example. It just requires a bit of planning.

Totalfeckineejit said...

Tee, hee, hee!
You rose to the challenge Niamh and created a masterpiece. If 'Three toed sloth poetry magazine' doesn't publish that fine poem ,I'll eat my Chihuahua.

Titus said...

These are getting better and better! Love, love, loved it!
I'm with the watercats. Sloths so much better than donkeys...

Niamh B said...

Thanks TFE - I'm offering it to the Stinging Sloth first - I know I'm setting my sights high, but you gotto try!
Aha Titus - that's just the kind of comment that's gonna keep me writin them!!