Wednesday, April 21, 2010

In the Interests of Balance

Since I tried to dissuade you from taking your horse to Tesco last week, I thought I better attempt to dissuade you from taking your donkey to Lidl - so here it is

A poem that attempts to dissuade you from taking your donkey to Lidl

Don't bring your ass to Lidl
Just dose him with a needle
He'll only want the strudel
and other things that you don't need

Yes donkeys have a reputation
For making a sensation
when trying to get carbohydration
off a pallet of sugar or beets

They'll only root around the specials
want to buy big pots of metal
or the latest sun powered kettle
so listen, pay no heed

No matter how the donkey brays
What flowered words, or sexy phrase
Tell him that you refuse his case
No Lidl for your ass today

11 comments:

Totalfeckineejit said...

OR. As Kenny Rogers might sing.... 'Oh Ru-ooh-bee, don't take your ass to town.'

The Dead Acorn said...

To be honest, this all seems quite cruel...
A productive ass requires fuel!
To keep him fed on naught but gruel
Will make an angry, useless mule.
Methinks you went to a city school ???

Titus said...

I shall continue to take my ass to Lidl as they do the best 39p spaghetti. And I love the wire baskets with unnecessary cheap things down the middle aisles. Like the sun powered kettle (it didn't work).

And by bizarre coincidence, we were watching Shrek 2 tonight.

Niamh B said...

TFE - you never cease to amaze with the depth of your pop culture knowledge - I had never heard of that song.
Acorn - it's crueller putting shoes on dogs heads! (everyone go to dead acorn's blog to see what I mean)
Titus - I never even LOOK at the stuff in the middle - except the time I bought the home shredder that actually might as well have just shredded my money there and then - so useless it was... Anyway - Shrek 2 - good call.

Dominic Rivron said...

Delightfully off-the-wall!

Is it something in the air? Volcanic ash perhaps? :)

Liked the Tesco horse too (I'd missed that somehow).

What will it be for Netto and Aldi?

Lorenzo — Alchemist's Pillow said...

Niamh,

I have been following your blog for quite some time now but after this egregious affront to donkeydom, I am at a loss for what to do. I happen to be president of the Southern Europe branch of the Anti-Jackass-Defamation League. Our lawyers will contact you shortly.

hee haw! hee haw!

Domestic Oub said...

What about a Hinny - could you take one of them into Lidl?

Or Zonkeys? Would they be permitted?

Niamh B said...

Why thank you Dominic, We don't have Netto, so maybe you'd do that one (I just don't know the shop well enough, and I couldn't just guess - it would against all artistic integrity on my part) (and Lidl/Aldi same place?)
Lorenzo - I'll see you in court. I see your symbol is an elephant by the way - that's a lot of syllables, but we might still think of something.
Oub - you firkler - you know far too many agricultural words, highly suspicious...

the watercats said...

my mule loves lidl... she delights particularly in their salami department... (most of her relatives are there) :-)

the watercats said...

ooh ooh.. and the beer!.. €4 something for ten bottles (five pints)!.. and it's called Nobelainer, which when pronounced in a duberlin accent like 'no brainer', makes it the best beer in the universe!

Niamh B said...

I love the jam there too, and the fair trade dark chocolate. I suppose this is not supposed to be an ad tho... oops