Sunday, December 19, 2010

Ticket for Weaver's Star bus

See Weaver's wonderful prompt over here, deceptively simple

Here's my ticket

Coast on a Summer’s night

And once, the sky was so low down

we almost heard the stars

the further out, the more they were – fanned rough up on the ceiling

of everywhere there was – and they went

giggling on their way - scraped loose on jagged mountains

as they rushed fast, ignoring us, those gaps in black

so cold for all their fire.


Sand land was kind, it gave us shelter in a bed of marram,

safe from a wind that bit with bitter lemon thin cut edges

our view from there - forever lights

strange twinkling from the past – with no nostalgia, no details,

their secrets frozen clasped.


Peter Goulding said...

Love the bit about scraped on jagged mountains. Magnificent descriptive piece

Helen said...

Oh, you have a lovely way with words, they delight ... they seduce ... they resonate.

izzy said...

I especially love the first verse,
" fanned rough up on the ceiling...
giggling... scraped loose...
Really nice! thanks-

120 Socks said...

This is my forever star poem now!

Totalfeckineejit said...

Beautiful, there is a great response this week!
The whole shabaddle is starryliciuos but special lines for me were...

'those gaps in black so cold for all their fire.'


'safe from a wind that bit with bitter lemon thin cut edges '


Kat Mortensen said...

Love this, Niamh! "We almost heard the stars" Wow! Will remember this one for sure.


The Bug said...

I like this a lot - especially the bitter lemon slices - that's a kind of wind I know.

Dominic Rivron said...

Living in the countryside I know just what you mean by "the sky was so low down we almost heard the stars". "Of everywhere there was"... It's quite overwhelming to think, when you look up, that there's nothing but a scrap of air between you and the edge of the universe (if there is one). It can be quite scary, if you think about it too much - like standing on the edge of a cliff.

Karen said...

What wonderful imagery! You put us there.

Niamh B said...

Thanks Peter, Helen, izzy, Socks, TFE, Kat, Bug, and Karen.
Dominic - glad it accurately reflected something for you :-)

Enchanted Oak said...

From the first wonderful, surprising line on through, your first stanza mesmerized me. A lovely poem. Really, you hit the great poetic mark with that first line: A new perspective that jars my perspective and makes me feel the power of your words.

Jinksy said...

those gaps in black
so cold for all their fire.

That's a star for you...

The Weaver of Grass said...

Oh to be there on a summer night.

Niamh B said...

Thanks Oak, Jinksy and Weaver

Very kind