Here's my ticket
Coast on a Summer’s night
And once, the sky was so low down
we almost heard the stars
the further out, the more they were – fanned rough up on the ceiling
of everywhere there was – and they went
giggling on their way - scraped loose on jagged mountains
as they rushed fast, ignoring us, those gaps in black
so cold for all their fire.
Sand land was kind, it gave us shelter in a bed of marram,
safe from a wind that bit with bitter lemon thin cut edges
our view from there - forever lights
strange twinkling from the past – with no nostalgia, no details,
their secrets frozen clasped.
14 comments:
Love the bit about scraped on jagged mountains. Magnificent descriptive piece
Oh, you have a lovely way with words, they delight ... they seduce ... they resonate.
I especially love the first verse,
" fanned rough up on the ceiling...
giggling... scraped loose...
Really nice! thanks-
This is my forever star poem now!
Beautiful, there is a great response this week!
The whole shabaddle is starryliciuos but special lines for me were...
'those gaps in black so cold for all their fire.'
and
'safe from a wind that bit with bitter lemon thin cut edges '
Niiiice!
Love this, Niamh! "We almost heard the stars" Wow! Will remember this one for sure.
Kat
I like this a lot - especially the bitter lemon slices - that's a kind of wind I know.
Living in the countryside I know just what you mean by "the sky was so low down we almost heard the stars". "Of everywhere there was"... It's quite overwhelming to think, when you look up, that there's nothing but a scrap of air between you and the edge of the universe (if there is one). It can be quite scary, if you think about it too much - like standing on the edge of a cliff.
What wonderful imagery! You put us there.
Thanks Peter, Helen, izzy, Socks, TFE, Kat, Bug, and Karen.
Dominic - glad it accurately reflected something for you :-)
From the first wonderful, surprising line on through, your first stanza mesmerized me. A lovely poem. Really, you hit the great poetic mark with that first line: A new perspective that jars my perspective and makes me feel the power of your words.
those gaps in black
so cold for all their fire.
That's a star for you...
Oh to be there on a summer night.
Thanks Oak, Jinksy and Weaver
Very kind
:-)
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