There's no cuts on Wednesday fun here at Various Cushions land, though it's a little slower off the mark than usual - this week's poem is particularly heart felt and difficult to read. I'm only giving a warning in case Mollusc lovers would prefer to sit down before reading...
A Poem which attempts to dissuade you from bringing your Thorny Oyster to Next
Don't bring your Thorny Oysters to Next
For if you do, you'll end up vexed
They're far too slimy, too over-sexed
Too calcified for high fashion
You'll find nothing there to dress your bivalves
3/4 length pants go way past their calves
the top and the bottoms are too big for both halves
You'd be in for a molluscy ear bashin
You mightn't usually be an advice heeder
but this once try to tame this colorless bleeder
Do you need to hear it from a proper news reader?
Anne Doyle shares my take, there's no clashin
No, don't take a chance with this pearly seductor
he'd laugh at the scallop tops, quite the destructor
of confidence, don't let him work that adductor
No Next for your Thorny Oyster today
15 comments:
I'm not suggesting any of this illicit LIPPYORGASM stuff, but do you know where would be a great place to find this poem?
Enlighten us?
Fashion , bashin, clashin? Brillin!
...'3/4 length pants go way past their calves
the top and the bottoms are too big for both halves'...
Fantastico!
BTW, why did the Thorny Oyster keep all the pearls to himself?
Because he was shellfish.
In Next
Thanks Muchly TFE, all support gratefully recieved!
And that's just brilliant about the shelfishness of oysters... pure magic
Peter - I'm dumbfounded. Great idea.
Loved it! But can one ever be too slimy and over-sexed for high fashion...?
You’re suggesting that I cloister
My poor li’l fashion-challenged oyster?
To look nice is his only wish
For an explosive date with a puffer fish.
It's been years since my last molluscy ear bashin ... I'm probably overdue.
Aargh! TFE stole those lines off me.
Still, I'll say it again;
You'll find nothing there to dress your bivalves
3/4 length pants go way past their calves
the top and the bottoms are too big for both halves
How good are those lines! How good!
Good Point Words, though I know nothing about fashion really, so couldn't possibly comment.
Acorn, fair enough, once you're informed on the risks, then my job here is done.
Titus: I've said it once and I'll say it again - Scoundrel. Thanks a mill
i feel the terrible hairy fly should be getting an outing in one fo these...
They do say "Every fly will have his day"
or something... yes, I'm sure we can find somewhere that would be unsuitable for a terrible hairy fly to be brought to!
Thanks Swiss
adductor - best word for me!
Next! Next! Next! (What IS Next, by the way?)
Ooh - just had a brainwave (waaaay too much coffee today). How about you give US the opportunity to pick the creature and the locale for one of your poems? It could be a regular thing.
For example, "A Poem which attempts to dissuade you from bringing your Aye-aye to McDonalds". (I like it!)
Kat, Thanks re Adductor - I was proud of it. Next is a clothes shop. And yes, I will happily take commissions. The hairy fly is first in the queue, but I'll be working hard to find Rhymes for McDonalds after that, (and to find out what the hell an Aye Aye is)
They're really cute, with big bulgy eyes and I think they see very well in the dark. I thought the "Aye-aye" was a good pun with McDonald's too.
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