I know, in this day and age, it's hard being a Camel owner, trying to guess the rights and wrongs of their care, afterall - they don't come with a manual - here is a small piece of advice, for those who are seeking it.
A Poem which attempts to dissuade you from bringing your Camel to Specsavers
Don't bring your camel to spec savers
You know he's not the best behaver
He's a diva, this ungulate, attention craver
He spits in the eye of opticians
.
His hooves are no good for handling contacts
He frowns at the sunglasses, chomps like a mastax
left loose on a rotifiers lunch, always detracts
from the mood in that home of good vision
.
He won't like the opthalmascope, it'll soon make him grump
He'll complain of the tonometer, call the whole place a dump
And forgive the pun here, but he will get the hump
He'll cause dents in the fence with allision
.
Your sweet dromedary wouldn't say "This is class"
engulfed not in sand, but with frameworks of glass
So better leave him at home, leave his whole biomass
No Specsavers for your Camel today
14 comments:
When do I buy the book??? Another genius creation!
any poem with 'ungulate' in it is a good one by me!
b but what if your camel -needs- specs? Letting him stumble around the house half blind is quite disastrous.
And why not? There's a whole gentre here - warnings against things we don't need to be warned against. It would be fun to think up more.
Oh, and...
Did you hear the one about the cross-eyed dromedary?
It thought it was a bactrian.
@Dominic - Ha ha ha!
@Niamh - I kept waiting for the word "bactrian" to pop up.
"Spits in the eye of opticians" was my favourite line. (Followed closely by "get the hump".
Ever see the movie "Ishtar"? I know it's one of the lowest-rated films of all time, but for some reason it really makes me laugh. There's a great scene with Charles Grodin and a camel.
Kat
Our's are standing in the window looking out longingly for some wise men...[ care of potter!]
Biomass! Allision. Mastax!
Key words in this work for me.
You have got, got, got to turn these into a book.
Is it poems in shops time yet?! I'm so excited.
There’s not enough room, not like an oasis
Camels get nervous in such confined spaces
He’d fall in the machinery after knocking a shelf
And make a spectacle out of himself.
"Mastax?" This series should be used in English classes ... I've learned more words from these poems than I did in all three of my sophomore years.
Ah Wednesday wouldn't be Wednesday without some cracking rhymes. And Wednesday wouldn't be Wednesday without a camel. Remind me to show you my pen.
I ate a Camel once.Or was it a Mars Bar?One or the other. Anyways these dissuaders have gone from brilliant to brillianter! This might be my fave so far!Despite having to reach continuously for the dictionary!
Tks Socks - surely will be out for next yrs xmas market.
Watercats - it's gutsier than undulate isn't it?
NanU - you're too soft on the animals - leave him at home and go and get his perscription for him
Definitely Dominic - I'm getting a weekly poem out of it for the last half a year, so plenty of mileage - lovely camel joke.
Hi Kat, sorry I didn't get bactrian in there. There's always something. No can't remember Ishtar - must youtube the scene
Gerry - never even thought of the seasonality/ wise men issue, we used have a couple at home too.
Tks Titus, I'll at least do a tour through a shopping centre reading the relevant poems in the relevant shops. Poems in shops is almost upon us!!!!!!!!!!!!! (it's gonna be hard to find shops open this year though)
Acorn - sometimes I really wish you had thought of this instead of me, You'd do such a better job at it!!! brilliant. And thanks, I'm just blessed with a massive vocabulary with handy rhymes.
Thanks EW - show me your Pen!!
Glad you're enjoying them TFE, some weeks are harder than others, having known one or two short sighted camels in my time, this one was particularly harrowing
Keeping you going for the last year? Doh! Of course it has! I've just had a look back... My only excuse is I haven't blogged properly for weeks.
Haha, no worries Dominic, tis only a bit of fluff, a silly little outburst to get me through the week
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