Sunday, November 28, 2010

Bug's poetry Bus


This week, the bus driver is none other than Dana Bug, you can click here to find the other passengers


She gave us three options to write about


  1. Now, you might not be a religious person, but I'm sure that even so you have wanted to argue with God (or Allah or the sun or your own super ego) in some manner. If you choose this prompt I'd like you to tell us about that argument.
  2. Write about the place you dream of living someday. Or if you're lucky enough to already live there write about home.
  3. Write about leafless trees.


Here's my ticket for the bus, it's a bit based on No. 2, but kind of a negative version, a bit more about where I don't want to be than where I do.... With thanks to Shakespeare for the last two lines, he was a generous type, and I'm sure he's not averse to sharing...


Untitled Non-Sonnet


I want to believe the tin voices of reason

sweat to unheave from the choice of disease n'

swim touching the eaves of a flooded disaster

a cruelty of thorns, a rumour of laughter

hope grits the cold roads and we're flying down fast

thick fog chaos holds, blinding, crashing at last

but if the while I think of thee dear friend

All losses are restored and sorrows end

25 comments:

Peter Goulding said...

Uh-oh, wait till I tell Willie you robbed his lines. He goes mental over that sort of thing.
Mistress of the internal rhyme, you paint a very cold picture.

Gerry Snape said...

I love that second line....disease'n
brilliant!

Totalfeckineejit said...

I like the last two lines.

Helen said...

Hope grits the cold roads ... what an image that conjures! Nicely written!

Totalfeckineejit said...

Actually, thw whole shebang is Bo Diddley!Love it.

SouthLakesMom said...

Does the grit of hope slow down the ride into chaos a bit? Or speed it up as the participant skids? Hmm...got to think about this some!

Nicely done.

Jinksy said...

I want to believe the tin voices of reason

I think I enjoy trying not to listen to them! LOL :)

Kat Mortensen said...

It feels like a sonnet, but I love that non-sonnet title (just saying it, is good).

Definitely has a "Children of Men" feeling for me. (And I didn't like that movie at all.)

Kat

Titus said...

I love TFE's first comment so much I don't know what else to say!

But it chilled me.

Stafford Ray said...

I'm already in trouble with my friend Suz!
And it's all your fault! Thanks. :-)

Enchanted Oak said...

I loved the cruelty of thorns, a rumor of laughter....but Niamh? I can't pretend I "get it" when I'm not sure I got it at all. I'm sorry to be bumbleheaded.

Niamh B said...

Shh Peter!!
Thanks Gerry!
TFE, ouch. :-P
Thanks Helen, actually wrote this on Friday before our roads got icy as well, do you think anyone'll believe me though?
& tks TFE :-)
South Lakes, I guess whatever you hope for, would be the answer?!
Tks Jinksy! yes sometimes they're for ignoring too!
Tks Kat, not familiar with that film, will check it out.
Yes Titus, I too found TFE's comment pretty chilling
Not sure how Stafford? Think you might want to be pointin the finger at Bug!!
Tks Oak, I guess it's one of those ones that's open to interpreting and reaction, it's not one I thought too hard about either in putting it down or shaping it after - it's just a little burst of images with a joke at the end for my own sake. Can't claim I fully get it either!

120 Socks said...

Classic!!

Lucy Westenra said...

Six lines short of a sonnet but mysteriously enjoyable.

The Bug said...

Like Chris, I'm not sure I GET it, but it evokes a feeling of being out of control until I think of my ultimiate goal - being with the one I love. That always slows down the heart rate.

Niamh B said...

Thanks Socks, Lucy and Bug most of all for the prompt!

Doctor FTSE said...

I like the ingenious rhymes and the imagery.

Cad said...

hope grits the cold roads

And don't we need that today!

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