Monday, June 7, 2010

Poets and Hair - more sense making

So last week the question arose - does poetry lead to bad hair or vice versa?

I have been checking the question out with the world's leading scientists, and while it is generally conceded that there is a strong link between bad hair and good poetry, there is still some level of disagreement as to what the relationship is.

Modern Science has discovered that the hair looms (little cells about the size of a marble just inside your skull where the hair is manufactured) serve the dual function of hair production as well as being the central storage site for poetical images. Thus some Scientists argue that the more over crowded these sites become with crazy/quirky and new ideas - the more likely they are to shift dramatically in temperature causing hairs feeding out of them to buckle and generally look quite disorganised.
Dr HildaFreddle says "We have even seen instances where red hot ideas can singe the hair before it even has a chance to leave the follicle, and this can cause it to be let out shorter than the rest of the hair - thus giving the illusion that the poet hasn't had a hair cut in quite a long time"
Hamish Seaney says "It's really terrible, I always have to book in with the hairdresser for a good few hours when I know I'm going on a big writing spraoi - it's the only way I know I'll be presentable again the following day."
Other Sociopsychological scientists studying the issue have come back with a slight variation on the hypothesis. "Yes funny ideas can cause your hair to look strange and scraggly," says Dr Poit "- but once this happens there is a self propogating feedback loop established whereby the poet is ostracised from 'normal' society because of their funny hair, then they get even more lonely and outsiderish, more likely to write poems, and the cycle continues"

"This is why some poets keep their hair very short" admits one famous poet, who would prefer to go unnamed, "too many of our number were being mistaken for simple mad people, so they have to be a bit more covert now, hiding the bad hair for the sake of getting their poetry to a wider audience." So far no link has been found between good hair and bad poetry.

Here's a pic of me at the Cáca Milis caberet with mad hair proudly on show, picture courtesy of the lovely folks at Cold 24, my hair was dead straight at the start of my set, and just kept getting madder with each poem, this was on the fourth one in.

14 comments:

Ross said...

Presumably why we have to run our hands through the thatch at regular intervals during readings - looking sensitive and tortured is simply a by-product of biological necessity.

Lorenzo — Alchemist's Pillow said...

So, bad hair is OK, even a plus. But how about no hair. I'm not asking for me mind you, but I have this friend, let's call him Larry, who is very bald. Any hope for poems from him?

Gwei Mui said...

So what does it mean if only half your hair misbehaves, like mine? Does that mean I'm only half way to being a poet?

Titus said...

I may be the missing link. I have great hair.

Karen said...

I can have good hair one moment and bad the next. I hadn't equated it with being a poet, but that sounds reasonable to me. My curls, like my words, have a life of their own.

Niamh B said...

Ross, this is an evolutionary effect, for survival over the years poets have run their hands through their hair in order to keep the rest of the population from completely alienating them...
Lorenzo - Tell your friend Larry that he is fooling no one - poets who happen to be bald, only are so because if they let their real hair grow it would be illuminous and would glow in the dark - I wouldn't be surprised if his poems are brilliant.
Gwei Mui - It may mean that you are using half your brain for poetry and devoting the other half to normal acts of survival - eating and finding shelter etc, - this is actually quite common in the modern poet who has developed this trick of splitting tasks in their head in order to allow them to live in increasingly challenging conditions.
Titus - we can see by your profile pic how good your hair is! (Some really great poets also think they can dance - again a coping mechanism to help them through this tough life) :-)
Karen - sounds like you are of the curly school of poets, often copied in the 90's with copious perms, but never equalled - curl on!

Titus said...

But I can dance!

Niamh B said...

QED Titus!

Totalfeckineejit said...

Don't listen to Freddle, that woman is a fraud and a charlatan.She promised me she could treat hair loss with a concoction of horse widdle nettles and pheromones.It didn't cure my baldness but I had to beat off every randy dog in the neighbourhood for weeks after.

Gwei Mui said...

Thanks for the clarification I am at ease with my demi wayward locks :)

Anonymous said...

TFE, those dogs always liked you, it was your own poetic genius that pushed them over the edge.

Freddle

Niamh B said...

Glad to have been of help Gwei Mui, TFE - I'm staying out of this!

the watercats said...

Hair looms!.. HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAA!!!

sure, how would you be a proper thinker if you had to worry about hair.. there aren't enough hours in the day left for personal grooming... all us creative types are busy with our hands.. ALL THE TIME... our heads are going ninety to the dozen, then our hands are taking notes, or smoking whilst our eyes are busy being inspired by EVERYTHING!... right now I'm even typing this whilst simultaniously putting the finishing touches to a twelve verse ballad.. .... honest!

Niamh B said...

That is the other side of it alright Watercats, how are you supposed to put time into looking well while doing all those other genius things...