Tuesday, June 22, 2010

A Poem which attempts to dissuade you from bringing your Geranium to Boots

This week in the bewilderingly popular weekly series of "Poems which attempt to dissuade you from bringing your various animals to various places of commerce" I am taking a departure from the norm, and trying to convince you not to bring your *Geranium to # Boots - NOTES: *a Geranium is in fact a plant - not an animal (for the floratically faunatically challenged), # For those on the other side of the world Boots is a chemist on this side of the world that specialises in glossy beauty goods.
Anyway - by request of Don't Feed the Pixies - here it is...

A Poem which attempts to dissuade you from bringing your Geranium to Boots

Don't bring your Geranium to Boots
I don't care if he begs you from the base of his roots
all the way through his stem to the tips of his shoots
Listen to me or regret it

The shelves are stocked for horror there
for plants, seeing cousins dead for health care
Rose extract for showers, lavender bled for hair
He'd never forgive or forget it

Yes beauty shops are no place for geraniums
You better get this through your thickened cranium
for your beloved plant, twould be worse than uranium
Keep him away and don't ever let it

be the cause of him going off his water
let him stay up all night watching Ryan's daughter
Whatever it takes, don't let him witness the slaughter
No Boots for your Geranium today

Click here for Jessica Maybury's response poem


Gwei Mui said...

So that's were I went wrong! If Only I had come across you before I had taken that ill fatd trip to Boots with my Geranium. Well you live and learn (doea this also apply to other potted plants?)

Rachel Fox said...

This is excellent. I particularly like the use of the word 'bled'.

Peter Goulding said...

Very sound advice Niamh. And vice-versa too,,,

Titus said...

Oh, this may be your finest!
I'd never actually considered the plants' suffering before. I am a wiser woman now, and henceforth will only use synthetic products.
Some truly superb rhyming in this, by the way.

Totalfeckineejit said...


Now that's poetry.Where else would ya get it? (or want it?)

Jessica Maybury said...

I had a geranium but it died. Oh the beautiful fecund smell of the leaves. Maybe I'll write a geranium in boots poem as a response to your excellence.

Jessica Maybury said...

here it is! http://jmaybury.blogspot.com/2010/06/another-short-post.html

Niamh B said...

Oh Gwei, I'm so sorry, I should have posted this sooner. Other pot plants are safe enough in Boots usually, but better safe than sorry I always say.
Thank you Rachel!! :-)
I do try Peter... and yes of course - always vice versa too.
Thanks Titus, yes boycott all natural good from here on in!
TFE - the public wants what the public gets...!! and thanks,
Aw Jessica, sorry to hear about your Geranium, really enjoyed the response poem tho :-)

The Dead Acorn said...

Your advice is well heeded - indeed I shan't
It sounds like a dangerous place for a plant.
I imagine myself, all crying and cowering
At the thought of such a disturbing deflowering.

Niamh B said...

Acorn you won't be sorry when your geranium thrives,
bringing marvellous geraniumness for the rest of your lives...

(assuming of course you're an undercover cat,
bet you thought no one ever suspected that!)

Don't Feed The Pixies said...

Absolute genius - love the poem. Never thought about all the remedies made from flowers at Boots!

Imagine that most plants would be displeased at going there!

Excellent pome

Niamh said...

"Lavender bled for hair" really liked that sentence!
Boots would also be a bad place to bring your placenta, considering the anti- aging products are all(known fact) made from placenta. Glad mines safe in the fridge.
It would be horrified by a trip to boots, bet there's no end to the things that would see their counter parts bled for beauty in that hell hole...

Karen said...

Love it! You do rhythm and rhyme so well, Niamh.

Niamh B said...

Thank You DFTP - twas a genius question to pose on your part!
Tks Niamh, right, just be careful when going to the fridge for... well.. anything else. Cats wouldn't be happy with the lipstick either I guess. (It's all made of catgut you know)
Thanks so much Karen! Glad you enjoyed :-)