Tuesday, June 1, 2010

A Poem which attempts to dissuade you from bringing your Tarantula to Mothercare

Another in the popular series of poems that aim to dissuade you from bringing various types of animals to various types of shop...

Don't bring your Tarantula to Mothercare
You'll find you'd be unwelcome there
with an 8 legged friend in a cover of hair
All the babies would be screamin

Baby shops are no place for tarantulas
They'd swing on the nappies, bite into the hulas
meant for teething babes, who're called things like Lula
and Jingo and Myrtle and Eminem

No, the webs of your charming pale faced arachnid
will not make a decorative lace for the kid
Nor will they stop the blinking back lids
of the prams comin up, as they flee 'im

I don't care if he pretends to be from Nepali
or Icelandic, or Belgian or even Bengali
There'll be no baby shops for this creepy crawly
No Mothercare for your Tarantula today

19 comments:

Lorenzo — Alchemist's Pillow said...

Dear Niamh,

If you keep this series up, I will have to stay locked up on the ark with the menagerie and no shopping fun. Very unfair. Haven't felt so ark-bound since the big rain and flood.

Signed: Noah

Gwei Mui said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Gwei Mui said...

Niamh - would a person consider taking a Tarantula to Mothercare? Well they have been warned!

Peter Goulding said...

I had my tarantula ready to go when I read your poem. Thank God for your timely reminder.

ps this is turning into a great series of poems!!

Niamh B said...

Lorenzo/ Noah - you will note the restriction only applies to today, you are free to bring him with you tomorrow or even yesterday if you so wish.
Gwei Mui - They can't say I didn't tell them now!
Phew Peter - that was a close one. Thanks!

the watercats said...

Watched attack of the eight legged creeps last night... and I would agree :-D.. they almost wrecked the Prosperity mall with their hairy leggeddy spider ire!

NanU said...

Awww, darn. When is Tarantula Day ever going to come? My beasties want to go out!

dublindave said...

Thanks for the advice - I brought Fluffy to Boots instead.

The Dead Acorn said...

But what of the ones that have no poison?
They'd merely scare the girls 'n' boys 'n'
maybe cause a bunch of noise 'n'
to leave them home I see no roison.

Niamh B said...

Thanks Watercats, it's good to have a second opinion.
NanU, as I said tomorrow or yesterday would both be very viable options, just not today
Dave - Boots do a better range of Tarantula full body conditioners anyway.
Dead Acorn - persuasive arguments, in the end it's up to each tarantula owner to decide for themselves, I am merely trying to dissuade them...
;-)

Poetikat said...

Loads of fun! I haven't seen the others. How many of them are there?

Kat

P.S. I like the name Myrtle.

Niamh B said...

Hi Poetikat - there's 5 others - you'll find em in the post titles... I take commissions, and try to get one up every week, for the good of public information
Thanks!

Words A Day said...

Tarantulas have rights too!

Why should, big breath... excessively priced, unnecesary accessories be the privilage of humans only...
even for one day; what if my missus goes into labour and we need, like a hundred sunhats, or soothers, or breast pads? What then?

ps wouldn't Tarantula be dinky name for a girl?
Mister Tarantula

Niamh B said...

Mr Tarantula,
I think you'll find all the necessary day to day items in your local supermarket... and hopefully you'll have enough non-tarantular friends to buy you those extra luxuries... Don't forget this is merely my own meek opinion on the matter and you are free to do as you wish,,, just don't say I never warned ya..
:-)

Titus said...

Superb!
This,
"...who're called things like Lula
and Jingo and Myrtle and Eminem"
magnificent!
Never got over the day a tarantula named after a footballer beat Titus in a pet show. Keep 'em locked up!

Niamh B said...

Controversial Titus!!

Terrible the names people give to their pets... having said that, the mongrel who has chosen to share her life with us came encumbered with a name imposed on her by some 3 year old cartoonaholic, so I guess beggars can't be choosers.

Titus said...

It was Viduka. Didn't know how to spell it until husband came home.

Niamh B said...

Viduka Schmiduka, pah!

(although you could do a nice poem incorporating Veruccas there)

Titus said...

Hmmm....