Tuesday, June 15, 2010

A poem which attempts to dissuade you from bringing your Ant to Carphone Warehouse

Another in the ever popular weekly series of silly poems attempting to dissuade you from bringing various animals to various places of commerce. We also accept commissions.



A poem which attempts to dissuade you from bringing your Ant to Carphone Warehouse


Don't bring your Ant to Carphone Warehouse

He'd be sure to think you're quite the rare louse

If you brought him to such a bare house

He'd never forgive you, no way


There's no picnics to pilfer for your little critter

no crumbs between phones, he'd mistake all the glitter

and would be awful upset when it turns out to be bitter

to taste, oh, he'd be so dismayed


They're a social animal this 6 legged arthropod,

But make no mistake, a wink's good as a nod

Don't need electronics to talk to their squad

Phone shops are no place for Formicidae


So be sure to leave your ant at home

And I don't mean the one married to Uncle Eoin

Their antennae are safer away from the phones

No carphone warehouse for your ant today

13 comments:

Gwei Mui said...

Such sage advice - but please corrct meif I'm wrong would one have just one ant as a pet, surely it would be a farm? But your sound advice would still stand :)

Peter Goulding said...

I have an ant as a pet. He's called Harold.

NanU said...

Just as well the ant should stay home. It's always getting lost, or squished, and then I have to get a new one.

Niamh B said...

Gwei, it would apply just as well to a farm - though I prefer to use the term co-operative colony - farm sounds like you'd want to harvest them from time to time.
Peter, give Harold my best, my first ever pet was a lady bird called Timmy.
NanU - very true, and it's hard - when you're shopping for ants - to get one that exactly fits your specific home, yes they are to be treasured, coccooned even, rather than bringing them shopping.

Don't Feed The Pixies said...

ok so i came here to read your poetry bus entry and found this instead - and laughed heartily.

Most excellent piece of work - made me smile throughout.

what about plants? Is there somewhere you wouldn't take a geranium?

Niamh B said...

Why Thank you DFTP - hope you still read the poetry bus poem...
Just kidding. Geraniums eh? that would be the ultimate challenge, animals are so much more animated... I'll have to see about it.

The Dead Acorn said...

A cell phone would give an ant far too much liberty
He’d order up pizza and beers for delivery
A sadder sight you’ll never have seen:
An ant, liquored up, and calling the queen.

Matt Bolton said...

Well Various your advice came just in time, I had to go to said shop and had my pet ant, Bernard, all strapped into his little ant car seat, but had to nip into the house for something - I forget what - saw this and had to reconsider. He is upset, of course, but he understands. And he thanks you.

Niamh B said...

Well said Dead Acorn! Ants with phones would make for a mad mad world - the power would go straight to their tiny little heads!
Matt - Delighted to be of service, commiserations to Bernard. Hope he is over the shock at this stage.

Titus said...

Brilliant! I loved this line,
"Phone shops are no place for Formicidae"

But I wished I hadn't read Matt's comment. Bernard! My heart is ripped in two.

Niamh B said...

Thanks Titus, and yes, it's a good name isn't it?

Totalfeckineejit said...

Yahoo! Could be the best yet!

Niamh B said...

wait'll you see the geranium one if you think that one's good!!