Wednesday, June 9, 2010

A Poem which attempts to dissuade you from bringing your lobster to Monsoon

Another in the popular series of poems which attempt to dissuade you from bringing various types of house-hold animals to various public places

A Poem which attempts to dissuade you from bringing your lobster to Monsoon

Don't bring your lobster to Monsoon
Don't care if he says there's plenty room
I assure you, you'd be quite the loon
if you brought him in a hurry

He'd soon discover it was a mistake
when instead of seeing friends like the cod and the hake
he'd find flowing robes but no wavy lakes
it'd be quite the shock, quite the blur he

wouldn't find rain coming down as he'd hoped
There'd be no drops of water, I don't think he'd cope
He'd be sad as a turtle would sit there and mope
his claws caught on garments all furry

Yes women's clothing's no place for lobsters
He'd be better off becoming a mobster
at least then you wouldn't hear him sob sir
no monsoon for your lobster today

NOTE: This is written by someone who has just reached an awkward age, just today in fact. The awkwardness deriving from the fact that her age is now a prime number - after this it'll be another 6 years before such an awkward age hits again,,, but for now it's awkward...


Lorenzo — Alchemist's Pillow said...

The mathematician in me tells me this means that your lobster or you just turned 31. Congratulations and happy birthday to both. Of course, it could also be 47, but at that age all birthdays become awkward, so I'll go with 31 ...

Gwei Mui said...

Happy prime number birthday, and of course I willl take your sound advice and never take a lobster to Monsoon.

The Poetry Bus said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Totalfeckineejit said...

A birthlydeedle day ditty
that was ever so fun and so witty,
very scrumptious and nice
it melted like ice and
that it had to end was a pity

There lived long ago an old lobster
who became just a bit of a mobster
he broke every law
with his mighty red claw
but made more than just a few bob sir

There once was a lobster called vic
who had a shell hard as brick
he got very hot when put in the pot
and when he got hot he got sick.

Don't bring your lobster shopping
it'll send the shopkeepers hopping
they'll scream and they'll run
he'll spoil all your fun
start a riot that there's no stopping

Shopping is no fun with a crustacean
think of all the time time you'll be wastean
he's ever so slow
he'll poo on the go
and be ever so slightly frustratean

Many Haplee anniverseral returnications of the day.

The Dead Acorn said...

Happy Birthday! I can't believe you're 947 ... you don't seem a day over 23.

Niamh B said...

Thanks Lorenzo... you guess correctly.
Thanks Gwei Mui, you won't be sorry!
Thanks TFE! You are the king. God how did I miss the word crustacean!?! Definitely doing crabs next week - suggestions for places not to bring em gratefully recieved.
Thanks Dead Acorn, good guess - and I do wish the ambiguity was on purpose, but no - it's the next one up as guessed by Lorenzo. :-)

The Dead Acorn said...

My lobster requires clothes fit by a tailor
The off-the-rack sizes at Monsoon all fail her
It’s an issue of over-endowment, you see ...
The size of her claws? Forty-eight, double D.

Titus said...

Ooh, that's such a good one! Even I get tangled in things whenever I enter Monsoon - pity the poor old Losbster. I could not stand to hear one sob. Sir.
We love lobsters in this house, which are "lobbers" for no other reason than it was funny when the boys first started talking. It's amazing how many lobster T-shirts you can find, indeed, we have one from Monsoon.

The holiday appears to have done TFE good...

Niamh B said...

Nice one Acorn, I can always depend on you! and thanks Titus, yes - he should almost go away more often! :-)