Thursday, January 13, 2011

What men really talk about when they're golfing

A quick look at wikipedia's common misconceptions page here shows that alot of what of what we thought we knew, we never really knew at all.

Another common myth has been exploded this week where our very leader has admitted that himself and a top banking executive never once discussed banking while on a golfing day out (or stick picnic as they fondly call it), therefore the common belief that men discuss business while golfing has been shown to be completely false.

So what do they really talk about?

Luckily I happen to have the tapes, and can now provide a full transcription of the conversation.

B: Love your hair Sean, it's only fab since you got it done.
S: Oh would you stop, my straightener went down this morning and I had to leave it all natural.
B: Well it suits you lovely.
S: Ah thanks, is that a new bag?
B: Oh, do you know the last one was just covered in muck, so I went into McGuirks and they had a sale on their Mizuno Aeralite in Electric lemon, so I couldn't pass it.

S: Let's tee off.
B: *giggles*
S: What is it?
B: Ah, just that the phrase "Tee off" always makes me laugh, you know, kind of like "Eff off", but it's like as if you're talking about a cup of Tea, maybe one that's gone off with all mould in it or something.
S: Oh, ho ho, yeah, see what you mean. I used to think that in the early days, when yerman with the sticks, back when I was a caddy, I always thought when yerman said "Give us another Tee there Sean" - I thought they meant a cup of tea, and I'd always start walkin back to the clubhouse for it.
B: Gas
S: It's a gas world isn't it?
B: Just gas

S: That reminds me of the grass, the way it rhymes with it, did you ever think you'd like some grass like this in your garden?
B: I was thinking of asking each club for a bit actually, maybe as a tax. If every club in the country posted me a thumb tack sized part of their grass, I'd have enough to be practising my putting.
S: By the way
B: Yes?
S: Those sock things you put on the sticks, they're only meant for the woods, like the thick ones.
B: Well I think it's unfair to discriminate
S: I suppose
B: And I like the way they feel

S: Did you.... eh
B: Go on Sean
S: No, it's silly, you'll think I'm weird.
B: Aren't we best buddies all these years? For god's sake having breakfasts, doing lunch, all for the joy of each other's company, how is there anything you can't ask me or talk to me about?
S: Well, did you ever try them on at home, on your own feet like.

*There is a silence on the recording for the next few hours*

B: Well only on special occasions
S: I knew it, the lads owe me a tenner
B: Who, you!? Ah ya fecker, c'mon and buy me lunch will ye, I'm starvin.
S: Yeah, you're wastin away there

*Uproarious laughter*

And that's what really happened between B & S


Titus said...

What's going on with those golf club covers!?! I am having all sorts of bad thoughts...

Rachel Fox said...

Send it to a newspaper? Tis good, tis very good.

Rachel Fox said...

Or make a vid. for youtube etc.

120 Socks said...

Deffo send it somewhere. Vincent Browne would love it. God, this could be the next big thing, like 'Keano'!!!! Think of the fame!

Niamh B said...

Titus - they are up to all sorts with those club covers, I tell you, all sorts!
Thanks Rachel - hopefully some intrepid investigative journalist will have got hold of it for the evening papers - I fully expect to see it on the front page on my way home. I hereby authorise anyone to make a youtube re-enactment, I wouldn't have the necessary equipment myself.
Thanks Socks, Deffo, this post is going to go global, the tip of my right ear is tingling, a sure sign.

Totalfeckineejit said...

Poet, writer , broadcaster,trapeze artist, and now comic sketch genius. Where will it all end?

Niamh B said...

Yes TFE, I do believe I'm at least as good in all those areas as I am a trapeze artist. If only I could find the right circus!

Dominic Rivron said...

Haha! Good topical irony is a rare commodity in blogland. Having listenend to RTE1 yesterday morning, I get it - despite living in Yorkshire.

Niamh B said...

Glad you enjoyed Dominic! Much impressed with your knowledge of current affairs!

niamh said...

this is brilliant- so funny - I loved it!

niamh said...

this is brilliant- so funny - I loved it!

Niamh B said...

Thanks Niamh!