Wednesday, January 12, 2011

A Poem which attempts to dissuade you from bringing your Hairy Mammoth to Peter Mark

Nothing I ever attempt in Poetry will ever beat the raw emotion and poetic mourning seen in Peter Goulding's very fine post of yesterday - to be viewed here

So instead I offer some humble advice to those with fashion conscious prehistoric animals in their care, (the very worst kind of prehistoric animal is the fashion conscious one)
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A Poem which attempts to dissuade you from bringing your Hairy Mammoth to Peter Mark
.
Don't bring your Hairy Mammoth to Peter Mark
Whether he wants to turn his rustic fringe dark
or lighten his bangs, style his cut somewhat stark
This is not the right place for your Woolly
.
He's likely to rear up at the sound of the drier
Highlights make him think his whole head is on fire
The gels make him woozy, hairspray makes him higher
Clearing sinks after him takes a pulley
.
No, a perm wouldn't suit him, his tusks would look strange
with a bouffant between them, he'd be better to change
this madcap idea, they can't help with his mange
So please don't give in to this bully
.
And if he thinks a chignon would make him look elegant
you better have a word with this old hairy elephant
The phrase "Good Hair Day" to him, won't be relevant
No Peter Mark for your Hairy Mammoth today
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5 comments:

120 Socks said...

Rather brilliant as always! When are these beauties going to publication!!

Totalfeckineejit said...

More excellenteism.My favourite line...
'He's likely to rear up at the sound of the drier
Highlights make him think his whole head is on fire'

Now that's poetry.

Titus said...

They're still getting better!!!
How do you do it!?!

Words A Day said...

Excellant!
very dublanise in the rhyming of fire/drier/higher...so -where you going? Ah go on!

Niamh B said...

Socks, yez'll be the first to know, there is an artist starting to look at doing illustrations alright tho!!
Tks TFE, sure I do try.
Tks Titus - well first I wrote 140 poems, then judged them all in terms of quality and have carefully placed them in order of excellentness to ensure they keep getting better. (or not as the case may be)
Tks Words! Am goin to the only part of Ireland that would float if it flooded, (altho that's been proven to be a complete lie and it, in fact, floods more than other places) - ALL will be revealed... eventually!