Tuesday, August 31, 2010

A Poem which attempts to dissuade you from bringing your Wildebeest to Waterstones

Tis about that time of the week - this is for all those bewildered beasts out there


A Poem which attempts to dissuade you from bringing your Wildebeest to Waterstones



Don't bring your wildebeest to waterstones

no excuses, don't tell me you thought her at home,

even smoothing her coat with a much tauter comb

still won't make her, for that place, presentable

.

Yes posh book shops are no place for your antelope

She'd hoove through the humour books, you're no man to cope

with an angry migrator browsing travel, can't hope

for her to settle down, she's just not contentable

.

when she'd find there's no pasture in the gardening section

she'd herd with the readers, there'd be such invection

from staff, for bad gnus* there's no affection

in that place, oh twould be most lamentable

.

So try and get your Wildebeest to distinguish

between serengeti plains and this temple of English

tell her it's against your most pressing wish

No Waterstones for your Wildebeest today

*thanks/ blame to Titus for this pun

12 comments:

brokenbiro said...

Wonderful - and a timely reminder for Wildebeest owners everywhere

Gerry Snape said...

I'm laughing! great rhymes...mad subject..give us more!

Jessica Maybury said...

how random was this?? I love it!

NanU said...

I don't know what we would do without your excellent advice. The world would just be crazy.

Niamh B said...

Thanks, and welcome broken biro - I only hope I've reached them before it's too late.
Glad you enjoyed Gerry - there's a bunch of em up on http://poemstodissuade.blogspot.com
Thanks Jessica - it was thanks to Titus really on this occasion... but if you have any animals/ places of business that you've ever wondered about, feel free to ask
NanU - I really shudder to think of the mayhem.

Kat Mortensen said...

But it was a great pun!
Will you be creating children's books from these poems, Niamh? You really otter.

Kat

Words A Day said...

Yes you otter, I agree with kat...
I can see the illustrations already...maybe for adulty children? or childreny adults?

The Dead Acorn said...

The store said “No – she seems nice, but …
No offense, she’s quite illiterate!”
“None taken” I said, “Not in the least!
I understand … but will da beast?”

Another brilliant installment. Don't forget the little people when you're named laureate.

Niamh B said...

Thanks Kat, it was wasn't it? and I didn't even know a gnu was a wildebeest...
will have to see re a book, t'would be fun - maybe I could get sponsorship from the businesses involved... lol
Words is right it'd have to be for adulty children or childreny adults... We'll see.
Acorn - I'll never forget those who helped me, pushed me on with the serious work. punderful last line there again, somehow these poems bring out the best in everyone.

Niamh B said...

Thanks Kat, it was wasn't it? and I didn't even know a gnu was a wildebeest...
will have to see re a book, t'would be fun - maybe I could get sponsorship from the businesses involved... lol
Words is right it'd have to be for adulty children or childreny adults... We'll see.
Acorn - I'll never forget those who helped me, pushed me on with the serious work. punderful last line there again, somehow these poems bring out the best in everyone.

Alexis Hallum said...

This has the most amazing rythm!!!
I just loved it...very unique! (i just love unique:)

Niamh B said...

Why thank you alexis :-)