Tuesday, August 17, 2010

A poem which attempts to dissuade you from bringing your Capuchin Monkey to Woodies

These Wednesday's are rolling around faster than any other day of the week, I don't care what anyone tell's ya...

Here is yet another one of my meticulously researched and pulchritudiously presented poems which attempt to dissuade you from bringing various life forms to various places (preferably places of business) - Wildebeests in Waterstones, and Púcas in Poulaphouca - coming up in due course....

A poem which attempts to dissuade you from bringing your Capuchin Monkey to Woodies

Don't bring your Capuchin Monkey to Woodies

He doesn't need brass knobs or rings, and nor should he -

arborial living doesn't need DIY goodies

So tell him his tears he must quench

This fiendishly clever tool using monkey*

wouldn't waste any time investing in clunky

aul fixtures and fittings, it wouldn't be funky

Let him know he's being left on the bench

No he can't have a lawnmower, a mallet or drill

He can't feast on the nuts, can't go in and spill

all the paint, on the window that's meant for the sill

and there'll be no chance of a monkey wrench

For Capuchin Monkeys don't know how to behave

on the decking and fences it'd be very grave

when they'd chew on the edges, you couldn't be saved

No Woodies for your Capuchin Monkey today

*Capuchin Monkeys are one of the first monkeys known to have used tools.

Tonight I'm reading "A Poem which attempts to dissuade you from bringing your Geranium to Boots" at a very special Joycean Chemist based event... there's only room for 20 people at it, including performers, so I didn't advertise too heavily here, but hope you'll all come along in spirit.


NanU said...

Those capuchins. They're cute, but you just can't take them anywhere. Worse than children!

Niamh B said...

The very worst NanU, it's so true.

Gerry Snape said...

oh my gosh these monkeys are definitely a lot cleverer than me ! I can't use a monkey wrench let alone know what it looks like ? somebody "give us a clue!!"

Niamh B said...

Gerry, at least you would be allowed go to Woodies!
I don't know much about wrenches either - I mainly have heard tell of the monkey wrench from the foo fighters song

Niamh said...

Oh thankyou!
Now that we've read your poem a few times together, he finally understands (and the crying has stopped)
Its a little known fact but capuchins react badly to rejection. (and mines an emo on top of all that..)

Titus said...

Is he called Bernard?

I love these. Is it Wednesday?

Totalfeckineejit said...

A Joycean chemist event? You been sniffing the veno's again?

More lovely monkey business in the dissuading series.

Niamh B said...

Niamh - I applaude you your bravery and sensitivity in this matter - emo capuchins are perhaps the neediest of creatures, but they deserve to be told the story with all due respect, and it warms my heart to hear of it.
Most kind Titus, doesn't matter what his name, a capuchin monkey by any other name would still smell.
Yes TFE, it went well, and the first ever public airing of a poem to dissuade!! I shall be blogging about it anon - ie probably Monday or Tuesday next - if Tuesday arrives at the right time, hard to know.