Wednesday, March 3, 2010

an extra long haiku


This poem comes with thanks for the form from Matt Bolton's blog

57577 - looks like a directory enquiries number - but no, it's a poetic form, (no. of syllables per line), and since it's a long time since I've tried a constraint on me poems, I have to admit, I quite enjoyed the exercise. It's nice having a scaffold before you start - knowing what shape it's going to take. Anyway - go over to Matt's blog if you want to know more about the form - I suppose it's really just a long Haiku.... Here it is:

Killing a Beetle

Gingerly she toys
tortures many legged freak
nudges it with care
pounces when it tries to move
Nothing safe from black death paws

17 comments:

Poetikat said...

That was just great! I really enjoyed the stretched-out version. (Must try it sometime.) Have you visited my Kigo of the Kat blog?

Kat

Poetikat said...

(TFE hates haiku, so I haven't mentioned it to the Poetry Bus crowd.)

the watercats said...

I found the haiku thingies in class a bit of a muchness.. I like the idea of them though, and this one of course, is the best long haiku ever written.. ever! :-)
I kept trying to make ones up about star wars.. just to see if I could ... it is possible :-D

Domestic Oub said...

Far distance and time
plucky rebels fight despot
Luke dislikes his dad.

Matt Bolton said...

Oub that is awesome! The form is called a Waka but as far as I can tell is an off shoot of the haiku form. Though as Watercats says, they can be much of a muchness.

Hans shot gredo first
but Lucas has to change it,
the prequels were crap.

Domestic Oub said...

LOL! Matt, I was working on a Han shot first, feck off George one as well! Great minds dude, great minds!

Niamh B said...

Thanks Poetikat - I've visited the Kigo blog now, thanks for pointing it out - well worth the visit too! (I promise I won't tell TFE!)
Thanks Watercats.. and look what you've started!!
Oub/ Matt - I'm shocked Yoda didn't get a mention there somewhere - sure didn't he invent Haikus?

Follow the force Luke
Likes you does Princess Leia
Fine plaits she has, yes

Matt Bolton said...

Bobba Fett took Han
All frozen to see Jabba,
Luke has to fight a monster

Domestic Oub said...

Luke kisses Leia
unintentional incest
Plan the story George?

Yoda, small and green.
yet is surprisingly strong.
A bit like a Sprout.

Chewbacca is hairy,
And is hard to understand.
Sounds like my husband.

Niamh B said...

writing runs up screen
away from viewer, loud music
covers poor effects

better effects then
in the later films - sadly
plot not much good since

Titus said...

Can I just say I loved the extended haiku and have never sat through a whole Star Wars film yet?

However, I do fancy Chewbacca more that any of them, so keep that husband on a leash, D'Oub.

Niamh B said...

Thanks Titus... You're so right - can't beat that hairy rugged handsome look.

Domestic Oub said...

husband on a leash
sounds a little bit kinky
or just good training.

Niamh B said...

Don't mention training
Dog still thinks she rules the house
Chewing my foot now

the watercats said...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAA!!!!..... better than anything I came up with, lol! brilliant!

Dominic Rivron said...

Tankas are such fun.

(I wish I could think of 4 more lines. I sat here scratching my head for five minutes, but no, I can't).

There is an "extra long tanka" form -I don't know it's name- that goes 57(as many times as you like) ending 577. I've experimented with it but didn't feel comfortable with it myself, somehow.

Niamh B said...

Watercats - you did inspire them, so take a bow for the idea!

Ah Dominic - it's all about the name of the form... if you do find out again - let me know! (I've written a triple tanka for the train this week, so if there's any fancy name I can put on it - I'll take it!)