First, "Triple Tanka on the topic of trains" is glorious in itself.I really liked the opening "Heat wibbly station" in the first, and "buskers tune up forever", and loved the shift through the poem to darkness and other life (lives) at the end of the poem.I stayed for the dog pic (how could I not?) and the lady older than time reminded me of "The Water Babies".
Triple tanka? You're spoiling us...
Is a Tanka some kind of elongated Haiku written while strolling with like-minded individuals in the park whilst drinking drinking nettle tea and wearing berets?I liked these.Specially the last one with the 'marbles net bag of glimmering jewels.' Lovely.
Great trains!Especially the second.When I was little, the only trains were for freight. For decades I didn't know people rode them except in movies, or in Europe.
i love the first poem - made me think of all the rubbish buskers and the endless waiting. Heat wibbly station gives that mental image of shots across the desert they always use to make sure you know how hot it is - only so much betterthe second, bizarely, made me think of Thomas the Tank Engine!
The first one is great - very fierce and fast. The last verse made me think of that graffiti artist Banksy. And I loved the final line of the second one - like a flash of childhood. Just perfect.
it's the last one for me with its net bag
"Flying from work on the steels/Avoiding eye contact" truly the experience on a commuter train, no doubt about it!
Hiya Titus - yes twas a happy coincidence, the tankas and the trains... and yeah I think there are some buskers who just tune up all day and do nothing else.EW - it does sound fancy doesn't it? like an ice skating jump or something.That's the one TFE, several berets have to be worn, one is not enough for the elongated form.Ha! NanU - thanks, you didn't see the cowboy movies then? or did you just think people sometimes went on top? but never inside?Thanks DFTP, I think I can! bizarre... weird that no one wrote a Thomas poem as well... maybe next time.Thanks PF - yes Banksy is bloody brilliant, and he probably subliminally influenced the progression from graffitti artist to rats there at the end.Thanks Swiss - think i thought there were free marbles available on all trains - how dissappointed I was to find out the truth.Jeanne - thanks a mill, happily I don't do that kind of commuting anymore but it's true alright.
Heya!'Heat wibbly stations' - classic Bagnall! Loved it. Though, you lost me on the last verse - and when i say lost, I mean I am too stoopid to appreciate it. Would you humour me and elaborate - I would so love to fully appreciate it :)
Hi Oub, thanks, the last verse is referring to graffiti tags and then rats - the way they live in the subway tunnels, so presumably get to take over at night and stuff.
Ah, why tank ya. I appreciate. Of course, I feel even stoopider, as when rereading, not sure how I completely missed all that. I'm going to blame tiredness.
You had me at "wibbly"! Both of these appealed to me. I'm with the "net bag" crowd as well. Aah happy days! I never got given anything on a train except a dirty look! I did think of doing a Thomas one but that idea got lost somewhere.
Thanks Oub, I appreciate your appreciation. And Thanks Argent. Tis a fuzzy memory - I've no idea who the woman was or why she was giving me marbles, think she just happened to have them on her. Those were the days eh?
I agree with the Titus, the title of the first is great in its own right. and (again with T on this) "buskers" line was just wonderful.The second one reminded me of my first train trip at age Four from Toronto to Nova Scotia and the old gentleman from Quebec who asked me if I "Parley-voused en Francais".
Thanks Poetikat - yes "T" was a happy coincidence there
This is very evocative; Scurrying in black / whiskered things eat during night / all theirs - the wires, secret pathsmmmmmm, (sub)urban gothicI like First Memory too- seems more complete/whole - I maybe this form works better in a single stanza?
Thank you P, think you have a point on the form - however you wouldn't get to say Triple tanka if you only ever have just the one... Although that would hardly be reason enough to write a hextuple haiku for example.Oh dear, I'm getting all sorts of silly ideas now.
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