Sunday, May 1, 2011

I miss the bus today


So,

there's only 4 working days left, and then there's an upheaval of packing and moving back to Dubland where, it is planned in another 20 odd days or so, a new human being will be arriving into the air, from the water, and then myself and Mr VC and the dog have a few months to get it all trained in to how life in our fambley works before a routine has to be established (Routine seems to be like a drug for babies - it's all any of the experts go on about on the interwebness).

I'm working on a contract just now, to be signed by junior no later than 24 hours into life, to help us evade all the pitfalls of parenthood and to be clear from the beginning on what is expected from everyone - this should avoid all confusion... Some of the clauses will include:

I will only release waste material while wearing the correct protective clothing or using the proper equipment.
I will sleep when management indicate the timing is appropriate for such activity by their turning down of lighting or closing of curtains.
I will cry only when salesmen and other undesirables call to the front door, and will cease wailing when they have been scared away.
I will not get gromits....
or wallaces or colic or cauliflower.
I will try to be especially quiet during Fair City.
I will giggle whenever anyone needs cheering up.
I will not spit or otherwise expel anything solid or liquid through my mouth, (or nose or ears).
In return for the above - management will provide me with a place to live and their best interpretation of moral support for the next 18 years.

Signed________________ etc

Anyway - there's more work to be done on it, but still a bit of time for that.... any clauses you'd recommend I should add?

Yes - I really miss the bus today, even though I haven't been writing much...

13 comments:

Dominic Rivron said...

An extra clause? For when they've started walking about:

"If dad says no I won't go and ask mum (or vice versa)".

Having had children and watching a lot of friends and aquaintances with their children it strikes me that if parents aren't consistent and contradict each other in matters of discipline and what a child can/can't have/do, then a small child makes its parents' life a misery, exploits every crack, screams the house down, won't conform to a bedtime, etc.

You can't blame them. Children want consistent limits and want to know what's expected of them. So you could add, too,

"To conform to various limits set by my parents from time to time". (now that's real job descriptionese!)

Helen said...

I promise:
I will not suck my thumb making my teeth protrude creating the need for orthodontia.

Maura said...

A nice dream you had there Niamh!

NanU said...

such an exciting time! time for things to calm down and get back to normal.
and not to worry - some form of periodical poetical vehicle thingy will be up and running by the end of the week.

Emerging Writer said...

I will eat anything I'm given. I will not eat anything I've found myself.

the watercats said...

I know now where i went wrong.. love the list! and sounds like things are going to be a bit maniacle with you for a bit! moving AGAIN! and a BABY! why don't you buy a house and get everything stressful out of the way for the whole of your life! :-D
all the best fings :-)

Niamh B said...

Thanks Dominic - that's gonna be the hardest one to get - consistency! what chance does the kid have with a mother bloggin under the title Various... change is my marshmallow.
Good one Helen - altho thumb sucking is cute - if they can just suck enough, without goin too far.
Maura - you're just annoyed you didn't think of it, it's sure to work!
Yay NanU to the rescue!
EW - that is such a good one - covers multitudes.
Watercats - have a mortgage! - that's part of the reason for the hopscotching - have to try and get house rented out, to allow us rent elsewhere... Anyone want to live in Dubland?

The Bug said...

I agree with Helen - I was a thumbsucker & I had to wear braces. My brother disdained to suck his thumb and did NOT have to wear them. Sigh.

Niamh B said...

I was supposed to have to wear a brace... but my folks just ignored the dentist's advice, then a dentist 5 years ago said if I don't get my jaw broken and reset and surgery-ised I'd need false teeth by now... I ignored him too - and I still use my own teeth - not that medical professionals should always be ignored, just sometimes they can exaggerate... am sure it was very character building though Bug - on the plus side!?!

The Poetry Bus said...

20 days? Wow that's not long! Very best wishes for all three of ye (and the mutt!)

Yeh, I miss the bus too :(

swiss said...

i was wondering what the new arrival status was.

additions? i'll go with dominic in the main. oh yes and - parents must have some time of their own!

Niamh B said...

Thanks Po Bus!!! Will keep ye posted!! (and now it's only 3 work days - WOOOOOOT!)

Swiss - Parents having time of their own is what caused this whole "situation" - so the doctor says at least... Thanks :-)

Titus said...

I will not, repeat not, fall asleep as soon as Mummy has spent thirty minutes getting me ready to go for a walk in order to be stimulated by sky, tree and clouds and I especially will not wake up and want attention as soon as we get back.
As she will be shattered from pushing the bloody buggy and will need a cup of tea and half-an-hour to recuperate.
Geddit, kid!

And otherwise, good luck.