Monday, May 30, 2011

Ah but seriously

I'm worried that I'm boring you dear reader(s) lately with all the talk of pregnancy, due dates etc, but it really is beyond a joke, the other day I quite seriously considered joining the Labour party in hopes that might do something. 8 days late. Myself and Mr VC are hardly ever late for stuff and things, so I don't know where the child is getting this tardy streak, but it seems it's quite cosy and relaxed where it is. The latest plan is that if there's no sign of action by this Thursday, then we'll be taking the law into our own hands - with the help of our friendly medical professionals.

Anyway - thought I'd take this moment to share some few of the memorable learnings and fascinating facts from the journey thus far...


No 1. Nature's mean - ok, I know we knew that from the David Attenborough videos, but at 4 months pregnant, a woman's centre of gravity changes, making women lose their balance more easily, this will cause them to slip and fall on ice wherever ice is available, (sometimes assisted by local snowball throwing hooligans or equally hooliganistic dogs pulling overly hard at their leads with their stupid big claw feet that mean they themselves have the balance of a Vermeer painting subject).
No 2. Pregnancy Vocab sucks - I hate the phrases used throughout pregnancy, maybe it's a lurking prudishness, but I really strongly dislike some of the words and phrases used around and about the inner workings of your body - ie the baby dropping, having a show, losing your plug, getting a sweep, etc etc - yuckity yuck and ick. Oh and there's also a thing called a Bishop's score system that tells you when you're ready to "pop" (- another favourite non favourite phrase right there) - would love to know where they came up with that name.
No3. Maternity clothes rule - they are the most draught excluding clothing known to man, you get jeans with a big panel that goes way up, and tops that go way down - not a sliver of skin will be exposed to a puff of wind - ever! I think I'll be continuing to wear them well into my PostPartum-ness (there's another bit o' the aul lingo)

There was plenty more, but y'know 3 is a good number to finish on... and I'm tired anyways...

9 comments:

ManAboutForty said...

You don't have to speak about them, just DO the pelvic floor exercises... No one need notice.

Titus said...

I just left a huge comment! It got eaten! I've got a headache!

Do you look like various cushions at the moment? I wrote that funnier the first time...

Thinking of you and wishing you the best.

120 Socks said...

Oh my thoughts are with you and Mr V! It might seem like forever, but it is getting closer!

Rachel Fox said...

Nearly everyone goes this late with the first one! I'm sure it's a good sign...

I'd forgotten about the plug... it looks worse than the name... really ugh. And my placenta fell on a midwife's shoes. It's all in the best possible taste...

x

Domestic Oub said...

Oh god i agree with u on the lingo, it is all icky and I'm not prudish at all :) it Should be a lot cuter, seeing as it's babies we're talking about... Ones baby should 'glide' into ones pelvis... One should loose ones fluffy baby stopper instead of the wretched mucus plug...

The Dead Acorn said...

There really should have been a "Not Safe For Reading" warning before #2.

martine said...

Not sure if you are still around. Promise it will all be worth it in the end, and if you are still twiddling your thumbs can I recommend a long walk (to get the circulation going) followed by a warm bath (for relaxation) and some vigorous nipple stimulation (for the oxytocin, contraction hormone) (not sure if it's ok to say that in polite company but this is an emergency:-)
thinking of you and sending best wishes
martine

the watercats said...

well, this was written on Monday, it's now saturday night, so I'm thinking you could have stepped into the abyss of parenthood by now :-D
will check in again over the next day or two in order to hear the news! I was ten days overdue, by the end of it I was ready to punch the lights out on everyone, particularly smug male doctors who kept mentioning the fact I was overdue... hope all goes/went well x

Niamh B said...

Well Watercats, and everyone, I have crossed to the other side! A new baby boy has joined us at cushions towers! Too busy to post properly but I promise all the gory details will soon be forthcoming, whether ye want em or not!!