Wednesday, October 6, 2010

A Poem which attempts to dissuade you from bringing your hummingbird to Starbucks

You would have thought that a serious allergy to thinking that has recently developed in me and may be all too clear to my astutest readers would cause me to give up my regular date with delight that is the weekly poem to dissuade. Yet I know how much you all yearn for it, live for it, how it lifts your little hearts, brings you joy, and makes you feel like the world is a better place for its advice. And so I soldier on for at least one more week - any brain power I once had - replaced by italics in an attempt to make it look all highbrow... I give you....
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A Poem which attempts to dissuade you from bringing your hummingbird to Starbucks
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Don't bring your hummingbird to Starbucks
Not in cool trainplanes or warm cartrucks
You'd find out soon your plan by far sucks
Leave him at home being minded by Hector
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Your flash little bird that can fly in reverse
Would soon find that a visit there would be cursed
I don't care if it means that you need to be terse
For your sins you can go see the Rector*
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For Hummingbirds can't drink Cappucinos
Not with an old man, not with a bambino
There's not much for protein, not a single amino
and there's no syrup flavoured like nectar
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Yes, you'll find his metabolism is quite fast enough
and another dose of caffeine would be just too rough
you could bring in your robin, your wren or your chough
but no Starbucks for your hummingbird today

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* or other religious type guide of your choice

16 comments:

Anonymous said...

Looks like the italics haven't fooled anyone :)

Niamh B said...

Damn you anonymous!!!

Kat Mortensen said...

I love the bambino-amino rhyme especially! What's a chough, Niamh?

Kat

Niamh B said...

Thanks Kat, a chough is a type of crow type bird, and more importantly it rhymes with rough!

Peter Goulding said...

Love those italics - God, they're so highbrow! Words of wisdom indeed, Niamh. I like the Hector, rector, nector rhymes!
Kat, a chough (rhymes with rough) is a seabird like a gannet or a cormorant, I think.

The Dead Acorn said...

But my hummingbird hums not, when he wakes for the day
There’s some hacking and wheezing, as he stumbles his way
To the kitchen, mumbling “man, I shouldnta drove home”
I need a double espresso latte vente, no foam.

I thought at first that I had clicked on the wrong site after seeing the high-browsity on display. I barely caught the word "dissuade" before I clicked away.

And Starbucks/far sucks? Well said.

Niamh B said...

Most kind Peter, why didn't I use italics on those three mags that recently PFO'd me - it would have made the difference.
And Acorn, well said, couldn't have said it at all myself, in fact - what's vente?

The Dead Acorn said...

I had to look up the different words people use when they order coffee (I'm a fan of the cheapo supermarket sludge). I think "vente" means "the biggest size you have" at Starbucks.

Domestic Oub said...

Another class pome Ms Niamh. Excellent.

120 Socks said...

Well done for sharing with us yet another masterpiece! I am going to try and take a leaf out of your book and write my 2000 words today even if it kills me! It won't of course but the drama appeals to me!

Niamh B said...

Dead Acorn - your dedication and effort are most commendable
Thanks Oub :-)
Socks - You go Girl!!

Totalfeckineejit said...

A tight well honed toned piece of writing there Nib.It's more espresso than skinny latté, methinko!

Titus said...

How did I miss this! You're getting close to genius with these.

I was going to pick out a good bit, but can't. It's the whole poem!

Can I start the chant.
BOOK! BOOK! BOOK!

Niamh B said...

you're too kind Titus

:-)

Niamh B said...

ooh and tks you too TFE, sorry missed you there for a second

NanU said...

This is so right. They would get right into the pastry display, and there would soon be lemon loaf crumbs everywhere.