Sunday, September 5, 2010

Transformation poem for Pure Fiction's Bus

This week's task, set by Pure Fiction, (who you'll find over here, along with the other passengers) was a poem on a transformation of any sort. So here's a work in progress, I've been working on but not really progressing with for a while.



Renewed

Sometimes a band on stage get in a drench

Their lips get locked at funny angles

Sweat runs their soft skinned temples

They hurl their E’s and Ow’s

Throw shapes make funny eyebrows

Tongues slip out – triangles of focus - sharp

And they writhe in their guitars

Or try to marry their sound systems, pretend they're harps

Strike out and pluck their own harmonics

Make love under the lights forget their cares

Their heads thrown back to fully feel

The sonic beat, the ecstacy, a fleeting sense that they are gods

In charge of everything that matters

Their eyes contort, they steal themselves,

And in the scatter

You can see what they look like when they dance

That intimate duet of lovers,

The slow smile, secret euphoria pulsing undercover

A fight to the top, a breathless-senseless working hard

Discarding shards of guardedness, all there witness

With them, climb the climb

Yes, the audience on lead singers back

In the ruck sack, breathing that thin air

Trudge tight inside that frozen time

To right up top the red hot liquid summit

All fall together back the mountain side

almost to despair, to silence

in the sway of that shy moment there's a newborn afterglow

That we know is held apart

Almost sacred to the hearts

of happy comrades at the show, amazed

A flashing concentration of life intrinsic splendid

Forever hooked ... we drift from concert, dazed

Something broken in us - mended

21 comments:

Rachel Fox said...

I'd like to hear you read/say this one. Love the funny eyebrows!
x

NanU said...

Quite a concert you went to there.

Pure Fiction said...

Love the whole story in this one - sort of euphoric. You're link is up :)

Jinksy said...

in the sway of that shy moment there's a newborn afterglow

Could that be silence? lol :)

Helen said...

You know? I sat and pondered what you had so brilliantly composed ... and identified that 'feeling' I always have after an amazing performance.

Carolina Linthead said...

"Discarding shards of guardedness" indeed! This is such a pleasure to read and visualize. I have felt this at a concert, one of the "audience on lead singers back in the ruck sack," being carried aloft, being transformed, being "mended."

Niamh B said...

Thanks Rachel, might tape it and stick it up
Thanks NanU, tis a few different ones combined I think
Thanks PF, and thanks for driving.
Thanks Jinksy, tis a happy silence definitely
Thanks Helen, that's what I was aiming for!
Thanks CL and welcome!

Totalfeckineejit said...

A feeling of connection the essence of being in the moment,a oneness of being,a beguiled situation is hard if not impossible,to convey, but the last line says it all..'we drift from concert, dazed Something broken in us - mended'........ Amen to that.

the watercats said...

god how i'd love to induce that on a crowd!
Some brilliant lines in here and such intense drumming... and the end is just very niceely done!.. you been to the picnic or something?

Domestic Oub said...

super poem. super new backgroud. yay.

Niamh B said...

Thanks TFE - something like what you felt with Tipp today wha?
Thanks Watercats, was at picnic, but this dates back a bit, have been workin on it since May! I know for a fact you work the same magic. :-)
Thanks Oub - you like the new backing? Twas a big decision, but sure while we're talking transformation, it might look a bit less like an early 90's "Web" site now (hopefully)

The Bug said...

I wondered what that drained, overwhelmed feeling after a concert was - it was mending!

The way I read this in my head took on that pulsing cacophony you get at a concert - well done!

Niamh B said...

Tks Bug!

Kat Mortensen said...

You've caught all the fascinating stuff about being part of a concert, whether its being onstage or just onlooking. Loved the "slow smile, secret euphoria pulsing undercover"

Kat

Peter Goulding said...

And to think you got all that from Jedward! I think this could be your magnus opus.

Niamh B said...

Thanks Peter, I mean I think I like totally captured their spirit there, but it's like sooo hard to know. wow. profound.

Dominic Rivron said...

Really like the couplet at the end - great when music has that life-changing effect.

Interesting how music throws up visions like the "red hot liquid summit".

Titus said...

Ah, Knebworth '79. Thanks, Niamh.
Like Rachel, I'd love to hear you read it.

Niamh B said...

Thanks Dominic, glad you enjoyed, and Titus. Right, I shall do something then... on the taping front

Karen said...

You have me right there, Niamh. This poem has an immediacy to it. (..and for some reason, I keep seeing Steven Tyler).

Niamh B said...

just googled him Karen, that's what I'm talkin about alright! Thanks