This week's task, set by Pure Fiction, (who you'll find over here, along with the other passengers) was a poem on a transformation of any sort. So here's a work in progress, I've been working on but not really progressing with for a while.
Renewed
Sometimes a band on stage get in a drench
Their lips get locked at funny angles
Sweat runs their soft skinned temples
They hurl their E’s and Ow’s
Throw shapes make funny eyebrows
Tongues slip out – triangles of focus - sharp
And they writhe in their guitars
Or try to marry their sound systems, pretend they're harps
Strike out and pluck their own harmonics
Make love under the lights forget their cares
Their heads thrown back to fully feel
The sonic beat, the ecstacy, a fleeting sense that they are gods
In charge of everything that matters
Their eyes contort, they steal themselves,
And in the scatter
You can see what they look like when they dance
That intimate duet of lovers,
The slow smile, secret euphoria pulsing undercover
A fight to the top, a breathless-senseless working hard
Discarding shards of guardedness, all there witness
With them, climb the climb
Yes, the audience on lead singers back
In the ruck sack, breathing that thin air
Trudge tight inside that frozen time
To right up top the red hot liquid summit
All fall together back the mountain side
almost to despair, to silence
in the sway of that shy moment there's a newborn afterglow
That we know is held apart
Almost sacred to the hearts
of happy comrades at the show, amazed
A flashing concentration of life intrinsic splendid
Forever hooked ... we drift from concert, dazed
Something broken in us - mended
21 comments:
I'd like to hear you read/say this one. Love the funny eyebrows!
x
Quite a concert you went to there.
Love the whole story in this one - sort of euphoric. You're link is up :)
in the sway of that shy moment there's a newborn afterglow
Could that be silence? lol :)
You know? I sat and pondered what you had so brilliantly composed ... and identified that 'feeling' I always have after an amazing performance.
"Discarding shards of guardedness" indeed! This is such a pleasure to read and visualize. I have felt this at a concert, one of the "audience on lead singers back in the ruck sack," being carried aloft, being transformed, being "mended."
Thanks Rachel, might tape it and stick it up
Thanks NanU, tis a few different ones combined I think
Thanks PF, and thanks for driving.
Thanks Jinksy, tis a happy silence definitely
Thanks Helen, that's what I was aiming for!
Thanks CL and welcome!
A feeling of connection the essence of being in the moment,a oneness of being,a beguiled situation is hard if not impossible,to convey, but the last line says it all..'we drift from concert, dazed Something broken in us - mended'........ Amen to that.
god how i'd love to induce that on a crowd!
Some brilliant lines in here and such intense drumming... and the end is just very niceely done!.. you been to the picnic or something?
super poem. super new backgroud. yay.
Thanks TFE - something like what you felt with Tipp today wha?
Thanks Watercats, was at picnic, but this dates back a bit, have been workin on it since May! I know for a fact you work the same magic. :-)
Thanks Oub - you like the new backing? Twas a big decision, but sure while we're talking transformation, it might look a bit less like an early 90's "Web" site now (hopefully)
I wondered what that drained, overwhelmed feeling after a concert was - it was mending!
The way I read this in my head took on that pulsing cacophony you get at a concert - well done!
Tks Bug!
You've caught all the fascinating stuff about being part of a concert, whether its being onstage or just onlooking. Loved the "slow smile, secret euphoria pulsing undercover"
Kat
And to think you got all that from Jedward! I think this could be your magnus opus.
Thanks Peter, I mean I think I like totally captured their spirit there, but it's like sooo hard to know. wow. profound.
Really like the couplet at the end - great when music has that life-changing effect.
Interesting how music throws up visions like the "red hot liquid summit".
Ah, Knebworth '79. Thanks, Niamh.
Like Rachel, I'd love to hear you read it.
Thanks Dominic, glad you enjoyed, and Titus. Right, I shall do something then... on the taping front
You have me right there, Niamh. This poem has an immediacy to it. (..and for some reason, I keep seeing Steven Tyler).
just googled him Karen, that's what I'm talkin about alright! Thanks
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