This weeks challenge set by the poetry meister was to empty our pockets, and write a detached piece about ourselves.... Unfortunately my pockets contained nothing at all,,, so I just ended up taking the pockety theme - ish... sure see what ye think.
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The dress was smooth and seamless
So underneath she wore
A pair of combat jeans and held
Her life stuffed in their pockets.
Books, juice pouches, just one coin,
A half jam sandwich,
Dog model from the mantle -
Up the muck hill – a legend climb
Remote, soared far above it
Surveyed the world from high on air
Until – jam sandwich gone and juices drunk
She slunk her cold arms home, and sighed
No-one had missed her there
13 comments:
Niamh, I really love this one. Not that in general I don't really enjoy your efforts, but this one is special. An intriguing portrait, but also a snapshot in time.
Excellent.
Nice one Nivby, bet muck hill was like a mini Everest and they didn't even miss you?? Feckers!
I love the idea of her life being stuffed in her pockets, including the Dog model. No one missed her; I wonder if they missed the dog?
Thanks Jessica, TFE, and Karen; the original story would have included a doll's pram, and combats wouldn't have been invented then, but the pram did get pushed with all valuables, food, dolls etc, all the way up there! & all the way home again... Tough challenge TFE
I hate not being missed.. and hate even more having cold arms!... I'm going to read this one again... I like it muchly!.. :-)
Really liked this Niamh - it's almost timeless in way - and with very concrete images you've captured a mystery and suggested a story unknown. I could read this again and again.
Thanks Watercats & Titus, nice to think ye think it has repetitive potential!!! :-)
and yes hate cold arms and cold hands both!
It tells a wonderful story. I think it would work as the beginning of a novel. Liked it very much.
Kat
Mine's up, although it's not posted on the Eejit's yet.
I love the idea of the dog statue from the mantel going up there. Really enjoyed this a lot.
This was a beautifully pained snapshot.
Thanks Poetikat - food for thought!
Thanks Pure Fiction - the funniest things are sometimes so necessary.
Thank you Argent - glad you enjoyed!
I like it! Could be my own life on many a day. And me too I found all my pockets empty. Filled them with imagination.
Thanks NanU - very kind, and yes could've used imagination - never thought of that! :-)
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