Sunday, February 28, 2010

TFE's Monday Poem - Life after death

16 comments:

Totalfeckineejit said...

Nice rhyme and rhythm to it would be a good one for you to perform methinks.

Lorenzo said...

I'll chime along with TFE and say I would love to hear you recite this, with its energy and pace. Love those last lines:
"Survived the casting, played our roles
Sang our own sweet bar of the one big song"

Argent said...

What they said. I like the idea of us seeing clearly for the first time. And the ending! "Sang our own sweet bar of the one big song " NICE!!

Titus said...

I like the drive of this - the language, rhyme, rhythm (as per TFE) push you on. Some very memorable lines - I loved
"We, left for years, stains in clay drafted to another plain".
And the last line, of course.
Actually, the opening line is a bloody good one too.

Niamh B said...

Thanks TFE - will most certainly be testing that out, and Lorenzo if it happens to be recorded - I will let you know. Thanks Argent :-)
Thanks Titus - very kind!

Karen said...

I really love this! This poem, modern as it is, has the feel of the romantics about it. I like the "stains in clay drafted" line and snowflake line. I, too, think this would be great read aloud.

the watercats said...

I could hear you reading this one too :-).. it helps to know your style of reading and your voice now, it brings a whole other dimension to the words and pace of things. I naturally read things quite slowly, where'as you seem to have a definate pace when you read.
Anyway, (you'd swear I knew what the feck I was on about!)...

I love this! it's quite heart wrencing, but at the same time is quite joyful.. like a bluegrass song :-) it's cool like!

Emerging Writer said...

Particularly like

drifts of snowflake shaped
Energy

and

press a lasting bruise

Thanks

Poetikat said...

I really liked your use of rhyme in this piece-tide-like.
I'll remember the "lasting bruise" for sure.

Kat

willow said...

Yes, I agree, this one deserves to be read aloud. I especially love the sound of that last stanza.

Pure Fiction said...

and half our
Disappointments turn out to have been gifts and half our
Loves and losses turn out to have been drifts of snowflake shaped
Energy

I really love those lines.

Niamh B said...

Thanks all of ye, most kind!!

:-)

Peter Goulding said...

Lots of clever internal rhymes. Agree with TFE - it should be performed

Niamh B said...

Thank you Peter, It should and it shall if I have anything to do with it, and I do...

;-)

Dominic Rivron said...

"Sang our own sweet bar of the one big song..."

Much food for thought in that. I often think we overestimate our individuality and underestimate our roles as a part of the world as a whole. I think in so doing we confuse ourselves. I think it adds to our fear of death.

Niamh B said...

Thanks Dominic - yes it's a head wreck, the whole thing - makes for great poetry tho!