Sunday, February 21, 2010

TFE's monday exercise

This weeks challenge set by the poetry meister was to empty our pockets, and write a detached piece about ourselves.... Unfortunately my pockets contained nothing at all,,, so I just ended up taking the pockety theme - ish... sure see what ye think.


Return

The dress was smooth and seamless

So underneath she wore

A pair of combat jeans and held

Her life stuffed in their pockets.

Books, juice pouches, just one coin,

A half jam sandwich,

Dog model from the mantle -

Up the muck hill – a legend climb

Remote, soared far above it

Surveyed the world from high on air

Until – jam sandwich gone and juices drunk

She slunk her cold arms home, and sighed

No-one had missed her there

13 comments:

Jessica said...

Niamh, I really love this one. Not that in general I don't really enjoy your efforts, but this one is special. An intriguing portrait, but also a snapshot in time.

Excellent.

Totalfeckineejit said...

Nice one Nivby, bet muck hill was like a mini Everest and they didn't even miss you?? Feckers!

Karen said...

I love the idea of her life being stuffed in her pockets, including the Dog model. No one missed her; I wonder if they missed the dog?

Niamh B said...

Thanks Jessica, TFE, and Karen; the original story would have included a doll's pram, and combats wouldn't have been invented then, but the pram did get pushed with all valuables, food, dolls etc, all the way up there! & all the way home again... Tough challenge TFE

the watercats said...

I hate not being missed.. and hate even more having cold arms!... I'm going to read this one again... I like it muchly!.. :-)

Titus said...

Really liked this Niamh - it's almost timeless in way - and with very concrete images you've captured a mystery and suggested a story unknown. I could read this again and again.

Niamh B said...

Thanks Watercats & Titus, nice to think ye think it has repetitive potential!!! :-)
and yes hate cold arms and cold hands both!

Poetikat said...

It tells a wonderful story. I think it would work as the beginning of a novel. Liked it very much.

Kat

Mine's up, although it's not posted on the Eejit's yet.

Pure Fiction said...

I love the idea of the dog statue from the mantel going up there. Really enjoyed this a lot.

Argent said...

This was a beautifully pained snapshot.

Niamh B said...

Thanks Poetikat - food for thought!
Thanks Pure Fiction - the funniest things are sometimes so necessary.
Thank you Argent - glad you enjoyed!

NanU said...

I like it! Could be my own life on many a day. And me too I found all my pockets empty. Filled them with imagination.

Niamh B said...

Thanks NanU - very kind, and yes could've used imagination - never thought of that! :-)