Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Computer converts poem and other stories

Don't you hate when computers turn your beautiful poems into something like this?

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- the computer's probably just jealous... stupid computer (I really wouldn't mind if it was better than the original poem, but it's really not).


In other news - dog parenting is proving to be a tiring business, you can't just go for one walk and say - "that's the walk done" - No - she wants one every single day, no matter how much I try to explain that we don't actually end up going anywhere, and that we would be quicker and cosier to stay in the house, she seems to enjoy going out in a big half an hour circle to get there - including a humiliating scoop stop, and several rubbish picking up, and dropping...
(See how I master the sepia button on the camera purely for the sake of this dog - if that ain't love!)
On the up side she behaved very well on the way to dog school last night, not jumping all over the car, as one would have expected - she just sat patiently. Shame she didn't behave as well when we got there, maybe she was conserving her energy for the class. I think she was the only dog who walked out knowing less than when she walked in. She knew how to sit at the start of class, by the end of it she was so wired from the free ham and eyeballing the Alsation in the corner that she couldn't have sat if her life depended on it. She's gradually getting to understand the word "No" though, which is hugely important, (it's one I myself sometimes struggle with!)

And finally hear me, hear me... yes you can actually hear me (complete with wibbly wobbly voice) - saying a poem of mine - taped live at the lovely brown bread mix tape thing - click here for it...

Needless to say I'm not getting much writing done this weather, well not much that doesn't include big portions complaining about big dogs making mince meat of your favourite yellow Rose plant, so it's nice to remember I used to be able to do it.

10 comments:

Domestic Oub said...

I think I had that same experience with college - came out knowing less than I went in with... but that may have been all the beer I drank...

Lorenzo Lapis Lazuli said...

Though a bit elliptic, the poem does have a spare lilting rhythm to it ...

Niamh B said...

Oub - the adventures continue - just as well I didn't really want that lamb chop she's just after stealing off my plate - and she doesn't even have beer as an excuse...
Thanks Lorenzo - the spare lilting rhythm was all mine, that's all that was left by the idiot computer!

the watercats said...

That poem looks purdy... maybe you've stumbled upon a new uber avant gard poetic art?... I had a computer that started doing that to all my word files, I found a red button at the back that was covered over with a sticker, I pushed it up, plugged computer back in and watched the flames shoot out of the hard drive as it exploded.. it solved the problem though! and made me feel a lot better :-)
Hope your canine starts settling for you soon.. you could try out a low protein food too.. or a grenade up the arse!

Jessica said...

Not knowing the brilliance of the original poem, i do like the rather postmodern feel of the computer edited version. You've finally done away with all that old-fashioned claptrap of meaning and transparency. I think you could probably market the concept!

NanU said...

Walks are like blogging and email and Facebook all together for dogs. It's their chance to catch up on all the news, and put some of their own out for sampling. Gotta have it every day!
Not to mention the state of your carpets if it doesn't happen...

The poem is kinda nifty in its new state. But you're right. It's not the kind of niftyness I want to give more than a glance.

Steady on!

Niamh B said...

Watercats, maybe the computer is learning to misbehave from watching the dog? - It's all falling into place...
Yes Jessica, it has definitely lost all meaning, maybe I should market this - get people to send me their most meaningful poems, and I'll get the computer to mangle em - there's a thought... bet I won't be able to get it to do this when I ask it to tho... hmm
NanU - that's the best explanation I've ever seen for why dogs like walks so much, now I'm starting to see the reason behind the addiction. Thanks!

Titus said...

I rather liked line 5.

You're getting away with one walk a day!
Loved the dog college vignettes.

Niamh B said...

Thanks Titus! My favourite line is

!Ü 3a­¹

It's actually just that I only go on one walk with her, Mr VC takes her for one in the morning as well. She's a big dog, so it's only fair, but i'm still waiting for it to feel all relaxing...

Dominic Rivron said...

My computer says it liked your computer's translation.