...another TFE writing challenge. This week he gave us a few songs to choose from, one of which was Tracey Chapman's "Fast Cars". Instead I took "She's got her ticket" as the two songs were kinda confused in my head anyway.
Here it is
J1
months stretch in front, a summer just begun,
feels like it's over,
"standing" in the "sitting" room,
a flying gloom sweeps through and fun
fun fun is all she'll ever have,
so why is her heart sooo deflated?
the "latest" greatest one she's met (so far)
is staying and they're both saying "ok
no promises - alright? we'll just have to see"
three months too long to say they'll wait, too young,
cardboard student rooms and bars all emptied,
posters, beermats stripped from walls,
she's got a ticket for a flight -
beginning of a great adventure... but
she doesn't want to leave,
this perfect dream, this make believe
of spring time meeting, pebbles hitting windows, water fights,
the summer's over,
the rucksack packed, a shrug of shoulder,
and suddenly
it's just begun.
15 comments:
It makes me feel old but I like it.
x
Thanks Rachel, a bit iffy on it, since it's written in the same kind of teenage whiney tone, which brings it back to the moment it's based on, but also unfortunately makes it kind of a crappy teenage angsty poem!!
it was fun to write anyway
nice one!... nice little tale of woe going on... stay or go?... Ain't that the whole thing about life!?.. to be bovvered.. or not.. I'd be on the plane personally and feck the boyfriend!..lol
(word verification is Monto.. nice dub touch... it is in dub int it?..lol)
Thanks!
Tis in Dublin alright, well spotted. Yep, this could have equally been called "Fickle" as the third last line shows (I hope) it didn't take much to forget the woes after all that, sometimes we're more in love with the drama than anything else!
Love the poem Niamh - took me right back :)
Very powerful peice. I love how it ends, with a beginning!
Ahh yes, the Bittersweet grows along the highways and in our hearts. Thanks, Niamh!
Stands
Applauds madly
Shakes hands in air slightly and shouts excited noises "wooo" etc
- excuse the slightly daft start, but this was an excellent poem - i really liked the way you allowed the words to flow beneath you: excellent!
Reminded me of myself! Foolish, naive and simple minded! Hmmm, have I changed at all? I dare not think too deeply on that one!
Great to meet you! Greetings from Yorkshire on this my first time with this Monday poem business!
Who says nostalgia isn't what it used to be? Great poem, Mrs Bagel.Lovely ,as NanU says, that it ends with a beginning.Flowy writing, honesty,Happy Daze.Thanks!
Oub - tks - lookin forward to yours!!
Tks NanU - well spotted!
Jeanne - thanks for the visit - bittersweet - just one of the essential spices of life.
DFTP - Tks so much, stop, no really stop - oh go on... Have actually been admiring your blog of late, so thrilled with your comment, you're very kind.
Mrs Nesbitt - Nice to meet you too, thanks for the visit. I think we've all prob changed more and less than we'd like - liked your poem alot as well.
Thanks TFE... Daze is right, written in one! Thanks again to you for the constant creative pressure - it's a very valuable thing.
Niamh, oh God, this so reminds me - lovely realising of that leaving moment and temporary loves. I love the tone of it, easy, always moving the reader on. Like NaNu, I love the end as a beginning.
Thanks so much Titus, as I say was worried the tone was too teenish, but think that's the mood of the poem, so cheers, glad you enjoyed it.
Takes me back to being a student. I'd forgotten people stuck beermats on walls!
Long live the Monday thing!
I know, I was determined to have THE best beermat collection, I did, I just couldn't afford enough bluetack to keep em up!!
(I was better off than the guy who stuck cds to his ceiling tho - ouch on several fronts!)
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