Monday, August 10, 2009

How not to get the cat clean

Last night I was on the local radio for local people. I thought I was just going in to look at the buttons and sticks and things, but instead I was handed a sheet showing me where in the running order of the show I was to be talked to, ie the exact moment that I was to sparkle with wit and scintillation.
There was also a lovely woman starting a cookery show, and a guy who's presenting a newspaper show who actually I know from the Salsa classes back in April... We couldn't place each other at the time, but Peter - if you're reading this, yes... that was me in the dodgy tracksuit.
I totally messed up of course, there was a mention of a woman who had a cat who had crawled into a coal bunker and she couldn't wash him enough to turn him white. Did I say something poignant about how the cat should be allowed to be whatever colour it wanted as long as it was happy? Nope... I suggested bleach, with such a straight face that the studio dwellers thought I meant it, until I tried to convince them I was only joking. I did manage to shut up and not say anything else terribly foolish... I hope... I mean I could be blocking something out. There was no angry mob outside as I was leaving at least, so it can't have been that bad... I hope.

7 comments:

Drama Queen said...

NEWS FLASH
ISPCA (cat dept) RAIDS LOCAL RADIO STATION IN SEARCH OF SADISTIC ART PERSON.
DOMESTOS SAYS 'WE WHITEN 99% OF ALL KNOWN CATS'.
KILKENNY TEAM REJECT CLAIM THAT THEY ARE TO CHANGE TO A WHITE STRIP FOR THE ALL IRELAND - We're no white-cats they state.!

Uiscebot said...

I'll expect a more professional approach when I grace your studio with my presence. And m+m s with all the blue ones taken out.

Niamh B said...

DQ - never realised there was actually a cat dept, I'll clearly have to be careful about that in future.

Uisce - the blue ones are the best ones, so I'll have no problem there. And the more professional approach goes without saying - I'm sure your own very professional approach will be enough to mentor me into towing the line.

Totalfeckineejit said...

Bleach? Sure what's wrong with the washing machine? Slow spin mind, cat lovers, I mean we don't want to be cruel.And Mrs Niamh,instructos how to listen to the radio show. NOW please.

Niamh B said...

Cat lovers, he's only out of hospital - he doesn't know what he's saying.

TFE - why thank you for asking. What you will want to do is type the following into your browser on the 23rd day of this month, any time within the 12th hour of that day, or any sunday thereafter from 11-12.

http://www.liffeysoundfm.ie/live.html

Or park up in liffey valley shopping centre with the car stereo tuned to 96.4, the windows down, woofers on etc etc.

Much fun and randomness to ensue - or listen as I fall apart live on air, either way it's guaranteed entertainment. Will be posting a reminder closer to the date.

Domestic Oub said...

Bleach the cat !!!!!
haaaaaaahaaaaaaaaaahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!

Niamh B said...

Oub... I'm shocked. Actually dreamt my cat died last night - that'll learn me. Course I don't have a cat, but it was disturbing all the same.