Wednesday, July 21, 2010

A Poem which attempts to dissuade you from bringing your Badger to Abrakedabra

Ah yes, an extremely busy week here in various cushions land, we are multitasking, driving the bus with one hand (instructions on the previous post), and writing poems to dispense advice to people who might otherwise be tempted to bring various life forms to various places of commerce...

This week Matt Bolton of Matt Bolton's World View fame has asked whether there is anywhere he should not bring his pet badger.

A Poem which attempts to dissuade you from bringing your Badger to Abrakedabra

Don’t bring your badger to abrakedabra

I don't care how much the idea grabs ya

Or how many bottles of beer you've had, yeah

It still would certainly not be brillo

He wouldn't sit quietly, he's simply not able

He'd be looking for "setts" under the table

Would spill all his chips, would be worse than a sable

no it wouldn't be wind in the willows

And someone would surely bring up trichinosis

Or mention that he has the worst halitosis

He'd grip them with a tenacious grip, oh no, Sis

Better leave him below with his pillows

For Abrakedabra's no place for a badger

The jedward signs would make him madder

than normal, a kebab he would try to cadger

No abrakedra for your badger today

(the variety in font size is for purely poetical reasons, not that blogger won't co-operate, I'm practically a professional you know)


Erratic Thoughts said...

Ha..You fascinate me a lot...
That's a wierd topic but I like it all the same...
Abrakedabra huh!Too good...

NanU said...

I must agree that a badger is probably the companion animal you want to leave at home, guarding the fort, when you go off to a place like that.

Anonymous said...

I think you can easily claim a first in rhyming 'trichinosis' and 'oh no, sis' (except I did happen upon that rhyme last Tuesday).

I love the wind in the willows line.

Niamh B said...

Thanks ET, glad you enjoyed, come back next wednesday for more of the same, but different.
Thanks NanU - you know it's always good to hear consensus on these things.
Thanks Dave - we must be reading the same poetry books then... I will expect your presence on the bus this monday by the way, library-love-ins notwithstanding (see last monday's post everyone else!)

Matt Bolton said...

that is perfect, he was blagging me head off. I said to him, I said "but you dislike Jedward and said that they epitomised everything that is worst about humanity and they advertise the place" well, Bernard wouldnt believe me. And now I have proof. So thanks, you have saved me a lot of hassle. Now what about my pet Oxen, Bernard?

Anonymous said...

Ok I'll try the bus - though I better check to see what challenge is before I agree to that!

Niamh B said...

To protect and to serve Matt, that's my motto, will put the oxen in the queue behind Dave's Leveret and hedgehog.
Goodie good Dave! see ya on the bus then!

Domestic Oub said...

You know, I was just about to head out the door with Paddy, my duck billed platypus, but now I'm concerned, do I have all the facts???

Totalfeckineejit said...

The main reason ye couldn't bring a badger to Abrakebabra is because they'd fuckin cook it.

These are becoming honed jewels of poems, specialist collectors items.A mad zoology instead of anthology.There's a book in these I'm sure.

Niamh B said...

Oub, I'm so glad you've asked that question, and I really feel it deserves a thorough answer, please keep Paddy in for now, just to be on the safe side.
TFE - Thus the Trichonosis! (they eat badgers in Russia you know, so my friend "wickedpeedyeah" tells me)
and thanks :-)
I don't know about putting all these poems together though, they're so powerful in single weekly doses, a full book of em might totally overwhelm!!

The Dead Acorn said...

I did try it once, but never again
We sat in the corner, and to my chagrin
He ordered his meal, but said nothing more
My badger, it seems, is simply a boar.

Kat said...

Sorry, it's taken so long for me to get round here; I've been super busy. Do you have a link in your sidebar to all the poems in this series? I would dearly love to read them all - they appeal to my fantastic funnybone. The last two lines are my absolutel favourite: " a kebab he would try to cadger No abrakedra for your badger today" - I love the poetic license with "cadge". Absolutely love it!


Niamh B said...

Oh Acorn, you really seem to have very little luck with the animals

Have started an archive putting them all together, will only update it every so often, but twill be handy, as a reference I suppose, a comprehensive guide to those who need help with deciding what animal to bring where... tis on