Wednesday, July 14, 2010

A Poem which attempts to dissuade you from bringing your Flamingo to Land of Leather

Here's another one of those weekly wise pieces of advice for naive pet owners who might otherwise make a terrible mistake.


A Poem which attempts to dissuade you from bringing your Flamingo to Land of Leather

Don’t bring your flamingo to land of leather
I don’t care how she flaps and flutters pink feathers
You should close the door, blame it on the weather
For anything else would be foolish

She’d only go crazy on the sofa start nesting
Go mental on beds, when she says she was resting
on one leg, there'd be no trip so testing
You should listen to me as a rule-ish

Yes Land of Leather's not for your Flamingo,
She'd have better luck with a half house in bingo
or admiring posters of george, paul or ringo
so please don't take the risk, don’t be mulish

Just tell your flamingo she’ll have to flock off
She’d be better off roosting, she’d better clock off
She’d only end up with a fake leather knock off
No Land of Leather for your flamingo today

13 comments:

Gwei Mui said...

Could you perhaps please suggest an appropriate alternative to Land of Leather for my Flamingo who so desperately needs to be taken somewhere...

Niamh B said...

Well Gwei, any of the other places previously mentioned in this series would be infinitely better, so there's lots of choice really - Tesco, Lidl, Dunnes, Carphone Warehouse, Mothercare, Iceland, Monsoon, Boots, Homebase, the Great Outdoors, Black Tie... to name but a few - you should find somewhere to keep your flamingo happy among those!

The Dead Acorn said...

My flamingo’s true love was a great Irish Moiled
A rare breed, so romantic – she truly was spoiled
But he died, and soon after, was made into a chair
Land Of Leather, for Pink Polly, brings naught but despair.


It warms me to know that hundreds of new species are discovered each year, and thousands of new businesses open, so this series could potentially never end. Great stuff.

Matt Bolton said...

That, again, was just in time for me - my pet Flamingo, Bernard, wanted to get a new sofa. Prey tell, is there anywhere I shouldn't take a badger

Domestic Oub said...

You could bring your flamingo to the local bingo,
It is a lucky bird
Just be sure that when you win, her squak of 'house' can be heard.

Ok - I'll leave the animal/location poems to the expert...

Totalfeckineejit said...

Well if you've got a wingo
don't go with a flamingo
she'll only start to singo
then fly away.

Don't be talking to a dingo
with his outback stralian lingo
kick him up the ringo
without delay

I could go on but I can't.

Niamh B said...

Acorn, another death defying heart warming tale of love :-)
Phew Matt, you know there are other pet names out there, besides Bernard. Re your badger query - I shall get onto it Stat!
Tks Oub, and animal/location poems are for everyone! Yay bingo!
TFE - a cruel side seen there in the kick em up the ringo - not to mention the merciless planting of an ear worm! Brilliant

Peter Goulding said...

I need a poem that dissuades my wife from bring me(and her credit card) to Land of Leather.

Niamh B said...

Peter, am afraid that poem may just be beyond me... :-)

chiccoreal said...

Hey Naimh: Is Land O' Leather akin to Land O' Rubber? You could suit up a flamingo; who says you cant? I'm gonna find a nice ringo for my flamingo leathero; Lothero? Isnt that really another Puck character? Help! Need Tim Gunn Designer Extraordinaire for a "revealo" and "spill the beanos"!This is a poem burgeoning on the Kinky Poem genre!

Niamh B said...

Sorry to dissappoint chicco but it's really just a boring old furniture shop, you're giving me ideas for future poems tho!! :-)

dublindave said...

Another animal/retail outlet classic!
Ok I have two new commissions -

A poem dissuading someone from bringing their leveret to Haagen Daz
and a poem dissuading someone from bringing their hedgehog to the Euro shop

These are two poems just begging to be written by someone and if you don't get there first, Seamus Heaney will scoop them up.

Niamh B said...

But is Haagan Das a shop?

I'll see what I can do Dub Dave,

Thanks