Shoulda Squashed 'em

Despite Adrian Mitchell's beautiful poem of a few weeks ago, my suspicions have been raised regarding the integrity of character present in general in the Irish snail population.

The other week (link here) I caught 2 snails making for my car, and now, just the other night, the car having spent a few hours too many in a railway station car park - look what happened.


This snail was clearly up to no good, and stole aboard for a free lift all the way out to Lucland. I was too afraid to take any action, obviously there's alot of big snail families around Dubland, alot of em hiding in the bushes of my front garden, but the drive must have disturbed him anyway, as I recovered my car the next morning safe and sound.. but I have to wonder how widespread is this problem? Has any one else suffered from snail intimidation of late? Leave a comment anonymously if you are too afraid to speak openly - you're among friends here.

Things that might t'amuse

4 random (possibly entertaining) things from the lovely weekend in France.


1. Bad but entertaining menu translation - "Cheese Assortment and Freezes with the Goats Expenses" - the whole menu read fairly poetically.
- made funnier by the snooty waitress that was serving with the most all superior attitude possible to actually have without bursting.

2. Spirits that are not for Pregnant women - the little round sticker seen on the third and fourth bottles in this little selection is actually a silhouette of a pregant woman with a line through it. The funny thing was the other 3 liquers with up to 38% alchohol which apparently are perfectly safe for you and the little 'un.

3. Famous five type secret doorways and fake bookcases - straight out of a scooby doo cartoon - the entire top row of books is curling outwards - worst fake books ever, but the rest were real in all fairness.


4. Well trained trees - thought these were actually growing in this shape - but I can be stoopid like that, but saw some younger ones tied to sticks - mystery of the L shape solved.

Helping you find everlasting happiness

Did you know that 3 out of 4 of the most attractive single people in the whole world read this blog? every day?
Well they do....
So if you're one of them and you're out on the pull tonight - as would be your wont to do, here's a new chat up technique for you to try. Simply ask the person you fancy whether they read this blog.
If they act confused and pretend not to have heard of it, don't worry, most people do this with me too, not sure why.... (not that I'd be chatting anyone up - respectable married woman that I am)
Anyway - tell them to check it out - write it down for them if necessary...
Now - if you are on the recieving end of said chat up technique - simply leave your message for the person with inscrutible good taste in the comment box below... There you are now - everyone knows where they stand - much better than simply hopping on the person and hoping for the best... far more civilised.

I'd like to point out here that I am merely trying to make your search for happiness and fulfillment easier - and anyone who says it's just a sad attempt to get more than the usual 3 (yes numbers are slipping) people to read my blog is talking pure balderdash

Smoking increases the Risk of Losing at Raffles

At the Glór sessions raffle monday night - smokers were given fair warning to be back in on time, but it was with a delirious joy we watched as their tickets were fired out one after another as they failed to collect and the raffle went on.

I won a CD by Yngve Weiland, the class act that opened the night with Ray Manzakerian keyboard, and brilliant lyrics. Up next were folk from the Bamboo sessions, the lovely shine shine song, among others from Aidan Murphy, and a great couple of songs from Jody Trehy - Bamboo sessions sounds like a magical evening - on tomorrow night in the concert hall, 5 singer songwriters playing their stuff with a string quartet. With such high brow, beautiful stuff I wouldn't have been altogether shocked if Leonard Cohen had wandered up during his 20 minute break to fit in a poem or something, if he'd had a night off he would have definitely been there. (Leonard, if you're reading this and you would like to put your name down for to say a poem or even give us a song next monday night - check out www.stephenjamessmith.com for contact details, he normally needs bit more notice but he might fit you in)

We then had the uplifting and brilliant Harry Webley & Ophelia McCabe - part rap part poetry, they gave an energetic performance, and both together and seperately entranced the crowd. They're playing again, along with Stephen James and Colm Keegan at the Dun Laoighaire Festival of World Cultures and will be a show not to be missed. Ophelia even performed a rap in Irish - I must admit I didn't catch it all, but she had everyone eager to understand having witnessed her earlier brilliance - quite an achievement.

Then we had the break, an arm appeared around the door laden with a tray full of old fashioned soup bowls - the ones with handles that you often get at sit down funerals, these ones had a crucial difference, they were filled with jellies. My personal highlight of the night.

Afterwards the high standard continued with a great performance by previous MC and caretaker of the International Open Mic - Jacqueline Tuck, her voice is enrapturing, and she played beautifully, a real treat to see her, having not been to the place when it was under her stewardship.

After her came Enda Reilly - a regular, and very talented songster, he did a lovely version of 1913, with SJS speaking the words just a beat ahead of him, I thought it was a bit unprofessional - I mean having to be prompted like that all the way through the whole song - no actually it was beautiful, just another beautiful thing.

As if that wasn't enough - we then had Sabina - a croatian starlet in the making, singing for her first time in public, and what a debut, she sent shivers down our collective spines with her fragile, bjorkish voice, and gorgeous sparkling lyrics... as Stephen James said - it was an inspiration - and he'll punch anyone who says it wasn't. (you should find her stuff on www.myspace.com/lowsemusic)

Brian Kirk then made his impromptu Glór sessions debut with two lovely poems, introduced with his own lovely down to earth style, he's a real poet - his poems simple, heartfelt and true.

And another Monday night drew to a close, and yet again Tuesday afternoon's 3 O Clock slump hit me at about 10 am...... (I think I'll suggest to my volunteer coordinator that they should provide more cushions, ie aside from my good self, around the place for those handy snoozes.)

I wish

I wish I got paid to do this:

LINK HERE!!!

Or even that I could do it at all truth be told, that'd be one way to get attention in an elevator full of people. I don't get into elevators that often lately, I don't think many people in this country do, but if I did and if I could do the above, then that's what I might do, as it is I might try and learn how to do it and jazz up a few poems with a bit more sound - especially the donald duck dying bit at the end (there are no poems on the subject of the mortality of Donald Duck, that I know of, perhaps an unexploited niche). Alternatively I could just try and write some kick ass poems and perform em like these fantastic ladies who were in Dubland a couple of years back, and no one told me about it

Katie & Andrea

By the way - playing the above clip at a relaxed dinner party with friends on a Friday night will effectively and efficiently clear the room, I speak from experience.

Slippy Pole - the far side

In the interest of balance, and inspired by RTE's great show that was on last night on Charlie Bird and what it takes to be a household name journalist, here is the other side of the slippy pole saga... well a picture from the other side...You will be relieved to see that the ghost reported in the last post seems to have dissappeared

However - in a worrying new development I have spotted another slippy pole elsewhere in the vicinity... I'm thinking it could be a pandemic. I will keep researching and will report back when there is any change

Pub Quiz

Had a lovely taxi driver last night, informed us he didn't like confined spaces with loads of drunk people to explain why he'd only ever been to 2 concerts ever. I refrained from asking whether he thought he was in the right job or not.
He informed us that the pub we'd been in earlier was a well known spot for literary types around Dubland, so I figured you literary type readers would probably be well placed to identify it, even from these dark, dull and sideways taken images. Guesses in the comment box,
Hint: The first photo is a sideways image of where the pay phone used to be.

Especially for you

Taking inspiration from Kylie (link here) I plan to dig out my best velvet straight jacket, I mean waistcoat, and get the dry ice out as well... I'm obviously not as good a singer as her, but it's the thought that counts.
And - no - for those worried souls out there - they didn't burn down the studio or dissappear into the mist on that occasion.

Update - it's about 3 hours later, and the bus is late, the kids took ages to say goodbye to their soulmates that they will never be able to live without, they had a 45 minute stop off that lasted over an hour. He should have been here 2 hours ago, and while the extra time has given me the chance to really perfect that dance routine I'm really getting impatient now.....

Update - another hour later - according to facebook I am perfect at spelling. Good to know I'm perfect in one way at least.

Disco Fever Road Trip

A drive out west and south for volunteering...

Lotsa dodgy tunes on the cd stolen from a german pub on closing down night 10 years ago
Distracted by my own new found film making genius talents - went wrong several times in the city - pick a lane any lane



Yes I should have gone straight there...

Tried hanging the camera off the wing mirror for awhile - the answer is no, you can't hear the music outside the car, no matter how loud you have it turned up - pity really.




Don't try that at home at all at all

Getting in Shape

All gone off food has been hunted down and removed from the cupboards, shoes have been relocated to their more rightful places in the house, where they won't be accused of lying in wait to trip up Mr VC, 3 loads of clothing have been washed, pink feathers have been swept away, and post picked up off the ground. Mounds of loose paper tidied up and stacked in proper stacks at least around the dining room table.
Time to get my act together.
Husband is coming back.
I'm a bit nervous truth be told. Haven't NOT seen him for this long since that time known as "before we met". For 3 weeks he's been sunning himself, going to Céilís, living in a mini paradise - in order words turning himself into a bronzed gaelic god; I've been letting myself go, running ragged, eating crap, (popcorn featured as a regular dinner item). What if he doesn't like me any more? I mean I know we said "till death..." etc there a few months ago, but y'know a bit of perspective, a bit of time to himself away from my nasal whining and perpetual stink of onion powder... what if he has reassessed and realised and wants an annulment? What then? Tips for how to keep your husband most gratefully recieved.... I have until Saturday to implement them, so bear that in mind - quick fixes only please....