Friday, February 25, 2011

Strongly Worded letter


Dear Mr Muscle,
(if that is your real name)

I would like to inform you of a most disappointing result recently achieved in using your product. I started buying "Mr Muscle - All Purpose" 2 months ago and have been faithfully applying a squirt of the lime and vinegar variety to my biceps and triceps daily since then. Despite having persevered through the rashes and pain that co-incided with the initial use (after all - no pain no gain, or so I hear) I have seen no noticeable improvement in the level of muscle in my arm. The overall diameter of my arms seems to have hardly increased at all.
You claim on pack to be "Tough on Grease and Grime". I have not seen "Grime" but in terms of "Grease" I can hardly be said to exhibit even the toughness seen at the Pink Lady's Slumber Party, much less capturing the brute force of Danny or any of the T-Birds.
Please respond asap forthwith or deal with the wrath of a weak and weedy, acidically scented and dissatisfied customer. Pictorial evidence will follow if necessary,

Various Cushions, bodybuilder.

7 comments:

Totalfeckineejit said...

Doh!I think ,Mrs Niamh, you are mistaken with this product. You are supposed to drink it, not spray it on. Silly!

120 Socks said...

I suggest Green Giant sweetcorn, that will build you up beautifully.

Titus said...

I want the pictorial evidence before I cough up.
Which you will (blood) if you're using the oven cleaner.

Mr Muscle

The Dead Acorn said...

This could be the letter that finally gets the beaten-down masses to rise together against the evils of false advertising and corporate tyranny. The people stand with you, Various Cushions!

Niamh B said...

Ah TFE, if it works it should work, I don't believe in reading instructions.
Hmmm Socks - maybe I'll look into that.
Titus, aka Mr Muscle - photographs will follow next week...
Acorn, great to hear, I mean if the whole world isn't motivated and rotivated into action by my brave struggle, to be allowed to use any product, for any purpose, as long as I have the privilege and the money to purchase it and the indignation to complain about it, then I don't know what would get them (ie the world) going. My work has just begun, but it shall continue...

The Bug said...

LOLOL! The comments are as much fun as the letter. Thanks for the glorious laugh this cold wintry day.

Niamh B said...

tks bug!! tis wintry but sunny here.