Tuesday, April 12, 2011

More mysteries of life

Life with a big L - the beginnings of life, the wonders of the universe... here are some questions to which I need urgent answers.

1. How deep is my belly button?
I have been expanding at an alarming rate in recent times and must be at least twice my normal depth from belly to spine, and yet - the end of the belly button has still not been sighted. I'm beginning to wonder whether it in fact it might just run all the way through, a belly tunnel, running perpendicular to the alimentary canal... I mean I've never tried to shine a torch through it, so I can't confirm it for definite, but perhaps I will some day soon.

2. Who should I believe on Parenting?
Ooooonagh Montague says in the paper at the weekend that "Nobody tells you how boring motherhood can be" J Lo says in a magazine in the local, and now famous, car fixing up establishment that parenting is her biggest and most satisfying role to date. Daniel Gilbert in Stumbling on Happiness says that people with kids are actually less happy than those without, but they have very effective self brainwashing methods that allow them to convince themselves that it's the best thing that ever happened.

3. Will I ever be tidy again?
This time of my life - the last few months, has been the only time that many many people have said to me "You're very tidy" - if you saw my desk, my room, my hair on non work days, my car, you would realise that they are not referring to my skills in organising items into well defined places, no - they're referring to the bump, which is tidy, and loudly complimented as such - I wonder if they'd have said anything if it was untidy? Your bump needs a bit of an overhaul - the ribs could do with stacking more tidily and why don't you clear out the belly button...

4. What would MacGuyver do?
I feel like preparing for sleep is a MacGuyver-esque exercise now, with all the pillows (and yes various cushions) that need to come together in the perfect alignment for comfort to be even a remote possibility.

Anyway - wise and brilliant blog readers, I know you'll have the answers between ye - feel free to add any additional questions too, and I'll do me best.


15 comments:

The Bug said...

Not having children I naturally latched onto the idea that I might be happier for it. I'm much relieved because, while I never wanted any, I was afraid I was missing out. Unfortunately I don't think I believe it.

If you DO shine a torch into your belly button, can you record it for posterity? I think we need to see that.

P.S. If The Watercats pat you on the belly it's from me.

Emerging Writer said...

Did your button not pop out yet? Defo try the torch.
Yes, minding small children can be very boring. So can minding some older children and small adults.
Yes, minding small children can be immense fun, exhausting, exhilarating, hilarious, repetitive, fulfilling, tedious, fill-in-your-wn-adjective here. I wouldn't have missed it for the world.

Lorenzo — Alchemist's Pillow said...

Ah, Niamh, you are struggling to answer these and, no doubt, so many others questions, but rest assured that if you feel confused it is because you still do not have the benefit of the best teacher and guide to parenting: your forthcoming baby! I advise against flashing the torch through the belly tunnel, your soon to be teacher and zen master may take offence.

120 Socks said...

If your belly button isn't flat YET, it is because you are neat, which means you are not quite big enough to be a health hazzard at work, sort of like not having untidy computer cables that people trip up on. As for whether children make life better, I would say deffo different, deffo interesting, and deffo most people whether they have been brain-washed or drugged into it, seem to be happier for!!! But what do I know? I was mad enough to have 3!

Domestic Oub said...

I've needed a wee for the past two hours, but baby is fast asleep on my lap. I'm willing to risk an exploded bladder for peace and quiet.

Is this happiness?


When my belly button popped out it looked like an american electrical socket.

I'm tired.

Niamh B said...

I guess Bug, life and happiness is what you make it whatever the situation. I will record the belly tunnel trick if it works, and tks - I'll be watching out for that from the cats!
No EW - but now I'll be waiting for a popping sound as well! Tks for the endorsement of both sides of the story!
Tks Lorenzo, I like that idea - and deffo not surprised to think of it as an accomplished martial artist of some sort too.
Y'see socks there's another one - "neat" that's never applied to me before, and I suppose people make life better, so children can't be bad.
Oub - Obey your Bladder!! Do american belly buttons look like Irish sockets then? I'm tired too :-)

Peter Goulding said...

The only advice I can give on parenting is to listen to everybody else and then do your own thing, whatever makes most sense.
You have a dog, right? Causes problems, needs attention, expensive, need to arrange dog-minders when you're away etc but you get huge pleasure from him. Baby's are similar.

Niamh B said...

Thanks Peter, though I will point out my dog's a girl!! but other than that I have to agree with everything you say

The Poetry Bus said...

I'd generally say that most of the above is either true untrue or somewhere in between but belly button deep down really what is truth anyway? It's hardly the inverse of lies is it?These great ponderables and have been pondered and prodded for generations by those having the next generation and in general I'd say you can't put all your eggs into one basket without making an omellette or two.Or maybe you can Who knows?

The Poetry Bus said...

I'm the fughin bus again! Damn and feck!HOw does that keep happening!

Niamh B said...

Thanks Feckin Bus!! very reliable input as always

:-)

Rachel Fox said...

Dogcare and childcare are similar... more guilt involved with childcare (much hard to leave one in a house alone all day for example). So I guess having one baby equals owning, say, a whole pack of wild dogs. Does that help?
My belly button never changed at all btw. However I never lost the weight I put on by eating several Magnum ice-creams a day in the late stages of pregnancy...
x

Rachel Fox said...

And of course that should have been 'harder'. it's the heat...
x

Niamh B said...

I knew there was something missing - I need more magnums in my life - or would that be magnii...
Still no end to the belly button in sight!

Emerging Writer said...

I'm gagging for a report on the torch experiment...