Thursday, March 17, 2011

St Patrick wasn't a saint

St Patrick was never actually canonised, so is not really a saint.

Other common myths:

that Trees produce electricity from leftover root juices which they use to light up the forest when no-one's looking, or sometimes at Electric Picnic. They actually don't.

that Dogs enjoy walks. They don't. They just like making you suffer.

that Leg cramps can't last more than a few minutes - they can actually go for days - even when you haven't been silly enough to indulge in exercise.

that Any decision is better than indecision. Simply not true. Indecision can be great, I think, at least sometimes.

that Patricks day is the only day off Lent. Not true - in fact every Sunday is a day off too - there are 46 days from Ash Wednesday to E - day - and 40 days in Lent. The Sundays are free.

that Fair City is not the greatest program in the universe. It actually is, at least as good as anything else.


Totalfeckineejit said...

Did you know that Thursday is actually Wednesday?
Or that butterflies used be called flutter by's and seeing as you is with child that boys used to be called girls, in fact ALL children were called girls.

Elisabeth said...

And did St Patrick really chase all the snakes out of Ireland, as my husband likes to say?

The Dead Acorn said...

ummm ... thanks. Thanks for making me sob like I haven't since my mom tried to tell me that there was no Santa Claus. So no lit-up forest? No? You know what? I don't care what you say ... the forest IS lit up, and just 'cause you've never seen it doesn't mean it isn't true. It IS.

Titus said...

The Lent one has got me all confused. Not enough fingers!

Also, not all men with hairy palms are werewolves.

120 Socks said...

Whatever dog told you they didn't like walking is a liar!! Which makes me suspicious about your other facts, especially the last one!

Niamh B said...

I would believe you on the flutter by's TFE.
Elisabeth - it's commonly said that he "drove" them out - leading to many hilarious misunderstanding with children drawing him driving a lorry, but there is a filthy rumour that we never had snakes anyway too, just to totally ruin it all.
Acorn, I'm so sorry, I forgot to allow for sensitive tree relations who might read this blog... if you believe the forest is lit up I'm with you.
Have you met all men with hairy palms though Titus?
Socks, it's just that she looks so tired after, but she gives a glinty self satisfied smirk over at us all the same, like she knows she's had an influence.

Totalfeckineejit said...

Oh ye of little faith!

Words A Day said...

I could have dealt with one shocking revealation at a time...but all at once! Thats just ...callous!

Leg cramps that last for more than minutes are really the onset of a form of electrical leprosy...the upside is your legs, fuelled by inner deacay will provide enough electricity to run a laptop for nine years...

Niamh B said...

Words, that's some consolation at least!
The damn stoopid thing is still there, like 5 days later! No wonder I've had to cancel my routine weekend triathlon.

Jessica said...

I would like to know if there are any snakes in Ireland, in fact. I mean, did he chase them ALL out or not?

Surely there's at least one snake hiding somewhere . . .

Niamh B said...

There's definitely the odd few around - you'll find em in Wackers pet shop for sure, along with deep frozen blocks of baby mice, sorry you asked now?!