Poem from an instruction booklet

Thinking about my "how not to read poetry post"... I've been wondering what would happen if you did read an instruction booklet to a crowd... Now you couldn't just read an instruction booklet straight, but I was thinking you could adapt one, to be deeper, more poetic... Here is my reinterpretation of the only instruction booklet I could find in the house (I'll let you guess what the original booklet was for). I decided to reimagine it as an instruction booklet for handling children, after all - parents are always whining about how they come without an instruction booklet... here is the answer. I am offering this for free to the HSE for handing out with all new babies going forward

Let me know what you think

The "do"s and "don't"s

Do make sure that you are aware
of how your children should be
washed.
Do wash your children
immediately after you have eaten. If
you leave food etc on
children for any time,
corrosive substances CAN
cause damage.
Do dry your children
immediately after washing
ensuring all
moisture has been
removed - otherwise surface
rusting CAN occur.

Don't soak children for long periods.
Some detergents
and mineral salts
present in tap
water
CAN cause pitting
or staining if left in contact
with stainless steel children.
Don't scour with an abrasive pad
or wire wool.
Don't expose children to a flame.