This week TFE gave us a choice of 10 of his lovely photographs to choose from, and produce a poem. I knew I wouldn't have much chance over the weekend to write, so wrote something last thursday, then lost it, it's on a scrap of paper somewhere around the house. But it was rubbish anyway. So then I wrote this cheery little number - just before going to bed last night.
Winter Comes
Cold as rain, cold as blood,
river caresses cold grey mud,
tickles the oozes
- while smooth stone snoozes.
Old as patience, the air as sharp
as an essence, stabs into lungs,
beside my heart.
A freshness that is ever mine;
In memory dwells the humble line
Iced over etching in frozen time
A freshness that was never mine...
15 comments:
I loved the mood of this, but most of all the sound. Beautiful to read aloud. Congratulations.
Was the lost one about the same picture?
Much more cheerful than mine - but 'snap' on the photograph selected. What can I say?
Tks Titus - yes the lost one was on the same pic, kind of similar theme in it as well, a bit greyer from memory.
Thanks DQ, I'm not sure, I thought yours was optimistic enough, feels like the river is a friend!
Lots of rhyming poems this week, and what a sterling job done! Also enjoyed the sounds and lightly tripping way about this. Really liked this picture too, but had a thing in my head about the flying boy... lovely as always :-)
I really like the word selection here. Amazing how such grim imagery can convey something of beauty. I read the title after the fact and it made sense either way.
I look forward to more of your work.
Not sure I understand it - but I like it! Really like "tickles the oozes/
- while smooth stone snoozes."
Writing under pressure like this really "stimulates the phagocytes" as my dad used to say.
Thanks Watercats, twas tough choosing a photo wasn't it? they were all great.
Thanks Poetikat - am an admirer of yours too, enjoyed todays on your part, but couldn't find a place to comment on your blog?
Thanks Dominic, ditto on the understanding of it, not sure why I repeated that last line and negativised it - just liked the contradiction... I think it's about a kind of nostalgia for a place that seemed wild and fresh and poetic, and the person that was who they were when they were there, and now aren't sure... Now I'm just confused...!!!
You dig deep Niamh, that is dark Great title and I agree with Titus that this a sound poem, it's also like a riddle and that repetetive twist of 'ever mine' to 'never mine' is very effective. According to Gertrude Stein if you enjoyed a poem then you understood it, so I understood this one a lot.Thanks ye!
thank you muchly tfe - very kind.
I had to read this one out loud. Loved this!!
Can't wait for winter.
Your words swirl like the water, I like that. My favorite line: "Old as patience..." Nice!
Thanks Willow - yeah - the few days of real winter are fun, don't like this drizzelly, dark, cold rain thing that's starting up at the moment though!!
Thanks Jeanne - "your words swirl like the water" is possibly the most poetic comment I've ever had!! You're very kind
I love the rain!. Cool poem. Like the way you chased down rhymes in it.
Thanks Uisce - rhymes are the new going out!
Found the lost poem - if any of ye get the follow up comments sent to ye:
Autumn Wilds
A place all shades of iron
the striking snarl of blood cold water
fits the stretch, not in bits -
a whole together chunk of memory
No fractures seek to wind their traps
the honeyed flats and rinses sharp
an assembly of shivering inmates wait
my boat, my river stones, all adrift in patience
until I, dazed, half crazed - see a map,
scan in my mind a flash
see how the bobbing sun brights the washes
A wild grey place, a happy space,
my bones feel freedom -
potentials allure me, soothe me,
adventures prove me,
light my face.
Post a Comment