HENS!!!

So meself and 15 or so of my favourite girls are off to try and make the lonely Banna Strand a little less lonesome for the weekend. I've got the sunglasses packed, but the optimism hasn't quite stretched to sun cream... will pack a raincoat too. Going to swim in the atlantic for the last time as a singleton, or might just wade to be truthful - either way it should be fun - but don't expect anything sensible or otherwise to show up on this page till next wednesday earliest...

And by the way - I know I've used that photo before - but it actually suits this post, and repetition is comforting after all... repetition is comforting after all...

A Pokey Post

How do you wake up Lady Ga Ga?

Poke her face

How do you get Pika chu on to the bus?

Poke him on

Now, I'm not endorsing violence or anything, but I've been trying hard all day (since recalling the above 2 little gems on the 6.25 am Ryansbus to Engerland) to think of a third poke related joke... But my head is simply not working. I'm going to go and pack for my hen weekend, and hope that you clever people out there in the ether will think of something to complete the trio...

I was looking for a blog and then I found a blog...

So - here's my current favourite international blog, think it's finland based, I'm informed that it's called Witch of April, the photos are nice - the writing is foreign, tho' not quite squiggly,,, we'll see

http://huhtikuunnoita.blogspot.com/

Still Slippy

For those of you who lie awake at night, worrying about such things... a brief update on the slippiest pole in Dublin, first reported in this blog on 24th March.

Almost one month on and the situation is not much better. In fact, it can only be described as .... WORSE.

The surrounding area is also slippy now, so much so that the lawnmowers couldn't get near it, as you can see above, it's out of control, hopelessly overgrown, and the whole street has been cordoned off by Gardaí.

Brian has declared a state of emergency in the region.

More Recession Beating Tips for Writers

1. Write on old Chip bags, the aroma is wonderfully evocative and inspiring, and the raw materials are freely available outside any pub or nightclub on weekend nights.

2. Burn any useless writing for warmth - (this is a more important one for the winter time, but hey I have australian readers, she wishes, it's topical enough) - the high fat content of the paper will help the fire to burn bright and last for hours, perfect for cosy evenings in - trying to write something not totally useless.

3. Instead of having actual hobbies and interests, imagine them, and then write about them - thereby eliminating costly investments in ski gear and the like, and giving you hours of inspiration. Not to mention it's far safer.

4. If you have to have a day job try to have one in the food industry - preferably in research and development, so that you get paid to research international customs and cuisines, and importantly you are also paid to eat things... so no need to be the starving artist

5. Never pay for entertainment - Volunteer instead - you will have hours of fun, usually in well heated venues, sometimes with free coffee, always with interesting characters.

If there are any I've missed out on - please feel free to add them to the comment box

New Way to Win Writing Competitions

Here's a new approach to try in order to win those pesky writing competitions where there's a fee involved - directly stolen off a guy I once heard of who used this method to win the lotto, in his own way, I think you'll find it most satisfying and cost effective.

Next time you see a writing competition that you really really want to enter:

Step 1: Go ahead and write the story/ poem whatever - to the required length - on the required subject etc etc.

Step 2: Next put the entry into a drawer and forget about it.

Step 3: Before the closing date for the competition - ensure you place the fee for entry into a clean jam jar. - No cheating - if it would have had to be a bank draft ensure you include the extra cost for that. If you like include the cost of the stamps.

Step 4: Once the winner is announced - have a read of their entry - if it's better than yours congratulate yourself on winning the cost of entry back... (because you never sent the entry in)

You now have two choices - either take the entry fee back out of the jar, and celebrate accordingly, or let it build up over the year and award yourself an arts bursary - probably the week before Christmas.

If everyone did this, we'd soon see the demise of these evil organisations taking all our money and distracting us with promises of glamour and celebrity, and we can all get on with writing what needs to be written from the heart....

(Or at least if I've convinced a few of ye not to enter I'll have better luck next time!!!)

Insecure Starlets

Well... As promised, a full and frank report of my debut bollywood experience. Turns out that the bollywood starlet was so insecure, and worried that she might not be the absolutely best best dancer, that they had to shove me down the back of the crowd, far away with the old men, and the women who were really just out to do a bit of shopping and happened to join in. Yeah,,, actually the old men were mostly better than me too... I mean, I just can't perform on the spot like that, I'm not some kind of robot that can be just switched on, I'm not some performing seal...

So - the truth - I was crap, I was worse than crap, and the really frustrating thing? My crapness seemed to increase the closer the camera got to me, like when it was a mile up the street, which was most of the time, I was brilliant - giving it socks, doing all the moves perfect. When they set up a little steadycam right next to me, with some colourdy flowers for it to peek through, attempting to catch my brilliance as if it was really Moore Street on a Sunny Dublin Sunday, a lá David Attenborough, of course that was the one time, out of the 20 odds times we did the routine, that was the time I patted my stomach and rubbed my head instead of the other way around. Ok - me doing the thing all wrong didn't just happen the once, it probably really happened more like - eh - every time.

It was kinda disheartening the more they took people from the back who could actually do it properly, promoting them up the ranks to better locations. I mean, I tried to rally the guys, saying they were just giving us more space, making sure they could see us all, head to toe, but we all knew the truth, our bit of the street is going straight onto the cutting room floor, straight down there, a waste of celluloid or whatever it is.

Conclusion: I can only dance like no one's watching, when no one is really watching. But no regrets, that's me one step closer to finding out the one thing I am amazingly brilliantly genius at... and it wasn't a bad way to spend a Sunday morning.

Has Anyone ever tasted...

Asafoetida

Look it up on Wikipedia - it's variously described as Devil's Dung, Stinking Gum, and Food of the Gods, (presumably because no one else would eat it)

I don't know - It's a crazy world out there.

My Big Break

Now I've never even seen the "secret" film, or read the "secret" books, but I hear it's something about thinking about something and therefore attracting it into your life, anyway - FACT - Last week I announced my Republic of Loose tribute concert (I'm still deliberating on the results of the related competition by the way, so you're still not too late to enter), and FACT - I will be technically "working" with them this Sunday.

My big Bollywood break, they're (well a couple of them are) doing the music for it, (probably because they heard I was getting involved)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XcRn-WX7rCI&rel=0 - this is the dance by the way - v complicated - visit culch.ie for the contact details if you wanna get involved.

I've the bruises on my elbow from the couple of times I've tried to do it, narrow doorways, very hard to be co-ordinated and dashingly beautiful at the same time though, very very hard.

I will no doubt let you know how it goes, if you care to know...

Favourite International Blog???

Please ignore the picture - it's just with today being "International be cruel to a bunny day", I couldn't help myself - see Uiscebot, Domestic Oubliette & Smaller than life for more details.

What I really want to know is... Did you ever wish you had friends in far flung interesting places? Ever want to explore the details of someone else's life, without actually knowing anything about them, but kind of cyberstalking but not in a creepy way? I've decided to try and find a blogger in a very far away land - well not sure about that bit - someone with very squiggly writing or different keyboards anyway, and once I find that special one - I intend to adopt them... You will find a link on my side bar to their blog, and I will be leaving them encouraging comments from time to time, and hopefully they'll do the same back. It'll be like an experiment in cross cultural understanding and barrier bamboozlement. I just need to find the right blog to follow.... Here's my front runner at the moment

http://naemshuke2.blogspot.com/

I have absolutely no idea what language it's in, or where it's from, but the cakes and parties look good, although they're not that frequent at the aul blogging, so it'd be better to find someone more regular I think.

If you've found an interesting one, in a language I can't read - I'd like to hear about it please....

Thanking you in advance for helping to bring about world peace and harmony.