Tuesday, May 26, 2015

Commandments for Mammies - a helpful guide

above you will find a link to a competition to find the best mammy in the country – if you want to be the very best by the way – key words from the above are “Others first, herself last – how great, on time.”   All the very best Mammies are in hospital with their nerves from following such ideals. 

So, in homage to this competition and pondering the joy of it all here goes my 10 Commandments of Modern Mammyhood

I am your child, Irish Mammy
Thou shalt have no other children (I will happily use up all your time – but if you do have other children they will feel the same)
Thou shalt not put other children before me
Do not use my name in vain – (ie when I’m watching cartoons and you call me 100 times for dinner, take the hint – I am not interested in dinner on this occasion and I will not be answering you any time soon – now stop assaulting my ears)
Remember to keep holy the family day – a fun filled outing may suffice, or else play with me constantly and messily for the day – be careful what you choose, you cannot expect me to clean up when cleaning up gets old which will be quickly and there will be so very much mess.
Honour the grandparents – without them none of this would be possible
Thou shalt not kill me – even when the mess is really huge and I’m really not listening.
Don’t be all adultery (whatever that is) – sounds boring
Thou shalt not steal – just so we’re clear if you want some of my ice cream that’s stealing, if I want some of your ice cream that’s sharing.
Do not bear false witness – you can’t tell me it’s bed time when it’s bright, or that it’s too early to get up when it’s bright – I don’t care what time you call it – bright = day – everyone knows that.
and last but not least
Do not covet your neighbours kids – they look so mannerly and well dressed and all – but hey – I blame the parents…


Words A Day said...

brilliant :)

Glad I'm not the only one despairing of a motherhood award where putting yourself last is the qualification! I wonder what the prize is?
A scratchy jumper, a leaky hot waterbottle, and a 'dont mind me' t-shirt'? :)

Tríona said...

I'm a dreadful mammy. Always thinking of myself...

Niamh B said...

Niamh - I would love a don't mind me t-shirt - it would set off the dark circles, unwashed hair and snot covered work trousers no end!
Triona - you are truly the worst, imagine going and writing your own book about non kiddie related things and attending art college - not mommy award winning material at all!!