Various

Have you seen

2012-01-25T13:25:00.000-08:00

the lovely Kate Dempsey talking about poetry in public places, not least of all in IPYPIASM, and also reading her own fabulous poems?
If not click here

No other gossip here...
except to say...
next week is the "Official Worldwide Say Something Controversial" week or OWSSC for short... will you be taking part?

Nope

2012-01-19T12:59:00.000-08:00

I have no idea what to blog about, was going to blog about the lonely voice website, which features a story of mine - yay - back when I had stories, but Brian Kirk beat me to it. Click over on the right there - my story's in Jan 2010.
But I still thought I'd like to blog. I so like that feeling when people comment, or click in, it's just so fuzzy and warm. And yet, I fear, they won't come back too quick if all I have here is a rambling wishy washy post about nothing.
That's not what the people want.
The people want "The Truth" "Answers" "Something that isn't nothing"
so here it is
I'm over a week back at "work" and it feels like when I first ventured into that cruel world from college land... when blinking I emerged into the morning darkness every day, before partygoers go to bed, to get up and go to work... and how shocked I used to be to see the sheer volume of crazy people going to work, and how bemused I used to be at how seriously they could talk about something minute and ridiculous as if the whole world hinged on the answer. How it seemed like life or death to some. How they stayed there for such a very long time... all the way from morning... till practically night fall.
Nowadays, none of that comes as a shock, and weirdly I quite like the place where I work, most of the people I work with, etc... I know I'm very lucky to have a job at all. But god it's still a long day, and the evening is sooo short, danger cushions hardly has time to say "Welcome home Mama" before it's time for his evening jog and then bed. And I'm not even doing long hours right now, I'm home by 6pm most days. No doubt I'll readjust in time.
So that's the truth (or at least the most pressing issue) of my little world right now. Feel free to share yours in the comment box.

2011 The Literary Highlights/ Passion Swap

2012-01-10T12:34:00.000-08:00

This is where I'd usually boast about all the great things I've been up to hoping to make you all super jealous and cranky, but the good news is this year has been a quiet one on the literary highlights front. I read out poems in public, twice. Joined a new writers group due to the big house move. Attended a writing course gifted to me for my birthday. Started one short story - ie got a first draft done. Finished another. Wrote approx 10 poems including the 4 liners for IPYPIASM. IPYPIASM was a great success thanks to some brilliant participants - biggest and bestest ever. Other than all that, it's been quiet. No publications and very little writing.
I don't even have enough for the usual top 10 listing.

Why? I hear you ask. Well I sort of fell off the writing wagon towards the end of 2010 because of all my physical energy being unavailable to me personally, since it was diverted into making danger cushions. I thought once babs was out, then energy would return and I'd be writing away good oh in the fabled big long holiday known as maternity leave... (don't be angry north american friends, but maternity leave here is really good, I'm only going back to work tomorrow, and danger is over 7 months, and he landed late)... Anyway - still there's been no sign of much writing... I put it down to tiredness, busy-ness with the baby, lack of brain power etc. but I've recently discovered the truth (I think)
Writing was probably my biggest passion in life outside of Mr VC and my job (if my employer is reading), up until June 1st last year. So I've been muddling around here for months wondering where all my motivation went, until duh, it struck me. It has simply been bumped down the passion list, way down.
I still haven't quite got used to the idea of myself being a parent, that'll take years, but if I find myself with a spare few minutes these days - I don't think, poem or short story, I reach for a baby book, or online discussion about babies. It's very dull if you don't have one, but this magical little creature is by far and away the most absorbing hobby I've ever had.
You know that feeling when you invite someone to an event, or to a place they've never been, and then you feel like you should look after them for the evening,, introduce them around, make sure they've found the champagne and doritos? Well for me inviting a new person to live feels like that, but stronger, steel girder v's soggy pasta stronger.
Anyway, so I guess I'm excusing myself for not having more done this year, but I think I'm also saying I don't really care. For now, I'm having more fun trying to hone my mommyness, getting to understand everything about the little fella, and enjoying his babyhood, writing will be back, and it will gradually get a bigger and bigger chunk of me in the not so distant future, but for now there are more important things to do...

Slow

2012-01-04T14:42:00.000-08:00

Sorry I've been so slow to post this, the grand finale of this years IPYPIASM, or should I say last years.. there's lots of reasons for the slowness, but I won't bore you with them... rather than that... please savour the delightful final pieces of the IPYPIASM puzzle.

First here's a link to a post from Kat with 2 poems that didn't quite make it into stores... they're worth a lucrative half point each to Canada, who up to now didn't even feature in the festival for this year.

Then click over here for Bug's last poem in a shop of the year, and a fitting* grand finale to the festival

* geddit? fitting? fitting room...?

This brings our final none competitive scoreboard to the sparkling tally of

USA 8.5
Canada 1
Ireland 21
Scotland 14
England 6

With a grand total of 49 poems in actual shops this year has been the biggest and best and yes - there will be a prize badge available to those from the winning country and also for all partakers... I just need someone to design them for me...

New IPYPIASMer coming up to the New Year

2011-12-30T05:50:00.000-08:00

Yes folks, we have another wondrous person joining the ranks of the IPYPIASMer's and with new blood comes innovation... Mari G of Cast a Bold Eyes fame has gone where no IPYPIASMer has gone before - into the middle of the money machine, the place that all shops live to serve... have a look over here to get a close up and see what she has brought into the BANK

Leaving the scoreboard - with only a day left in the IPYPIASM at

Ireland 21
Scotland 14
USA 7.5
England 6

GO WAN!!

Sanity prevails, but Scotland's still sneaking up there

2011-12-24T04:45:00.000-08:00

Well, being new to the world of power and corruption, I didn't quite think through the implications of fixing things against my own country - that's not quite how corruption is supposed to work, and seeing as I'm obviously so useless at it, I've decided to straighten up and fly right - one poem equals one point, no matter who or where you are. One fictional mention of International Put your Poem in a shop Month - equals one half point... (there's an opportunity to rack up some more points for the eagle eyed.)

Anyway - Titus has been out again delivering a trio of festive treats... with just the slightest flavour of humbug...
Click over here for the full story and close ups, and lots of pictures of the magical things that find their way to chez Titus.

a classic about the hollow eyed souls of xmas

an uncharacteristic attack on pens

and an unsatisfied little solder here

This means our Convivial Scoreboard - back to straight counting - comes to

Scotland 14
Ireland 20
USA 7.5
England 6 (Terry Wogan notwithstanding)

This is no time for complacency!

Everyone, I really hope you enjoy the holidays, whatever you're up to. Don't forget IPYPIASM is not just for Christmas - so if you're getting out in the sales there should be lots of opportunity for poem sharing...

Take it easy :-)

Scotland, USA and my poor head

2011-12-23T13:05:00.000-08:00

So, since the controversial rule change - another two entries to IPYPIASM have been brought to my attention.

First up Titus - taking the lead with this one (as far as the new scoring scheme is concerned) bringing on a super sub, in the lovely Vivien Jones, and adding a seriously beautiful touch to this whole fish display - click over here for the full story and words.

Next up a brand new player and a brand new blogger in blog world - I'm delighted to welcome Howling at the Moon for his/her debut in the world of IPYPIASM...
With a bittersweet piece placed by the wines - click over here to welcome this lovely new player and to see the words

Of course my new scoring scheme (also known as the stoopidest thing to happen in the history of IPYPIASM) means that my just for fun scoreboard is a bit more difficult to update - so after several long hours with a calculator, excel spreadsheet and a compass....
The current leader board looks like this:

Ireland 10
Scotland 10.8
USA 10.5
England 9

And I have hired several bodyguards

Shock decision regarding scoring conventions for IPYPIASM

2011-12-23T03:25:00.000-08:00

There has been a change to the rules, late in the day, but aren't all rule changes the same and since scores are just being kept for fun, i know no one will mind.

Here's how the new scoring convention works

Each poem in a shop in ireland gets half a point, as the birthplace of ipypiasm and the only place where i know real people it has been decided the emerald isle had an unfair advantage.
Each poem in a shop in England gets 1.5 points since they invented the english language over there, so we owe them.
American poems in shops get 1.4 points for having braved the extraordinary security systems over there.
Scottish poems in shops get 0.9 points because their natural enthusiasm for poetry also gives an unfair advantage.

All this leaves the scoreboard nail bitingly close with all to play for going into the last week - everything to play for...

Ireland 10
Scotland 9.9
England 9
USA 9.1

Not forgetting Oubliette

2011-12-22T04:09:00.001-08:00

Yes Domestic Oubliette has done it - taking part in this years International Put your Poem in a shop month over here... yes the links are working again - click over for the hilarious deal with the big man that she is proposing... much fun!

Leaving the non competitive scores as follows:

Ireland 20 (Ole Ole Ole Ole Ole)
Scotland 11
England 6
USA 6.5

6 in 1 & walking the walk

2011-12-21T01:25:00.000-08:00

coincidentally - 6 in one is one of the names for the delightful injections that I had to bring little Danger for there recently, but this 6 in 1 is a far nicer affair - where the one and only Peter Goulding managed 6 poems in shops in one day for International Put your Poem in a shop month...

Sadly my linkability is still down - so paste this into your browse if you haven't been over there for the hilarious words and closeups

http://stammeringpoet.blogspot.com/2011/12/floodgates-opening.html

and here's a quick look at what he left

beside the treats

by the shaving things

on the paint

by the irons

near the socks (in or out of boxes)

and by the sprouts

They are all hilarious - so do make sure you get there for a goo.

Meanwhile Emerging Writer is walking the walk with two very fine placements in the city centre of Dubland. These are seriously sensual poems folks, you really have to go over there to read them.

Again it's a paste into your browser job until my links get up and running again, well worth the work though
http://emergingwriter.blogspot.com/2011/12/its-international-put-your-poem-in-shop.html

And again a quick look at the elegant displaying beside the luxury coffee

And next to the seductive wines

So where does that leave our scoreboard?

Well Ireland is well drenched in Poems in shops now - reaching a score of 19.
Scotland is sitting very respectably at a total of 11.
England, where poetry in English was invented, sits pretty at 6.
And America has a very fine tally of 6.5

I think all the countries can be proud. I wonder if any other country dares to join in at this late date?
Still 10 more days to go - so theoretically any country could get another 60 poems in shops, if shops open on the 25th in those particular countries... just saying....

Scotland draws level in IPYPIASM

2011-12-20T06:43:00.000-08:00

Titus is at it again. Click to on Titus' blog on the right there to read more and see the close up of this little love poem - For some reason blogger isn't allowing me to add in links...

This makes it neck and neck

Scotland 11
England 6
America 6.5
Ireland 11

in the non competitive achievement measurement....

IPYPIASM Out of Control!

2011-12-19T04:06:00.000-08:00

This IPYPIASM thing has grown legs, arms, teeth and is starting to get around the floor without being moved by its parents and then gets all grumpy when it rolls over unexpectedly or gets stuck going backwards and can't go backwards any more (I wonder how I thought of that metaphor) - anyways - Hope in the states has made IPYPIASM a subject in fiction in the form of her Friday 55... go and read it here, immortalised it is!
And if that wasn't enough Don't Feed the Pixies has done a brilliant seasonal PIAS (poem in a shop) for some very lucky shopper to enjoy - get over there to read the words - it's genius - click here.

am giving hope half a point for the states partaking, thus leaving the currents scores on the 'just for fun' doors at

England 6
America 6.5
Scotland 10
Ireland 11

The Book List

2011-12-18T07:15:00.000-08:00

Thought I'd get this up now since it's a quiet day on the IPYPIASM front - these are the books I've read since around this time last year - most were read while waiting for hospital and doctor appointments - yay for the slow health service. I've a feeling next years list with be a tad shorter.

1. KPAX trilogy – enjoyable sci fi read

2. In the skin of a lion – Michael Ondoatje – poetic, beautiful read, plot unsatisfyingly complex.

3. The behaviour of Moths – Poppy Adams – too many loose ends

4. The Dubliners – James Joyce – some outstanding writing, not sure it merits ALL the hype tho.

5. The very Man – Chris Binchy – depressing but compulsive read.

6. Fiesta, The sun also rises – Ernest Hemmingway – brilliant glittering characters though nothing much happened it read like it mattered.

7. Sharp Sticks, Driven Nails – Stinging Fly anthology – always well worth a read, some really excellent stories.

8. The Last Estate & Redemption of H – Conor Bowman Pullman, two very contrasting books set in same place but different times. Interesting and readable experiment.

9. The Idiot – Dostoyevsky – read more like a play than a book, a tad too long.

10. Looking for Leon – Shirley Benton – see review done at the time.

11. Taking Pictures – Anne Enright – some lovely writing – some endings were too sudden.

12. The captains and the kings – Jennifer Johnston – stunning writing, understated, brilliant.

13. The girls – Lori Lansens – irritating faux real style, tries to do too many things.

14. Cloud Atlas – David Mitchell – several stories tenuously strung together some way better than others.

15. Herzog – Saul Bellow – pompous miserable man struggles for recognition and understanding, some gems in it.

16. Melancholy Baby – Julia O Faolain – great short stories, alot of them shocking even today, a great read.

17. This is not a novel – Jennifer Johnston – probably the most dissappointing of hers I’ve read so far.

18. Ultimatum – Matthew Glass – chewing gum read, ultimately dissappointing.

19. Little Stranger – Sarah Waters – Sarah knows how to spin a yarn, unsatisfying ending sadly.

20. In Cold Blood – Truman Capote – took the longest time to read this on and off for years – definitely not worth the hype.

21. The hand that first held mine – Maggie O Farrell – sorta readable, tries a bit too hard.

22. Regeneration – Pat Barker – Really excellent piece of work, worth reading.

23. The Story of Plan B – Kate Dempsey – Enjoyable Romp of a read from Emerging Writer, check it out!

24. An evening of long goodbyes – Paul Murray – the ovaltine of writers – I adore Paul’s work and can’t wait for the next book – you may hate it though.

25. Clock Winder – Anne Tyler – another quiet family drama, beautifully described.

26. Women – Charles Bukowski – a most dislikeable narrator, and ultimately boring plot.

27. Before I go to sleep – SJ Watson - an alright read, kind of obvious at the end, but readable.

28. All the pretty Horses – Cormac McCarthy – good cowboy wild west type adventure, he’s a great writer.

29. The Complete Short Stories of Evelyn Waugh – some innovative story telling techniques, but mostly dated and hard to get into for that reason.

30. The Masters – CP Snow – picked from a top ten books you must read list – I must disagree – it was alright, if you’re into Oxford / Cambridge history and ambience, missable if not.

31. Never Eat Alone – Keith Ferrazzi – networking bible that tries to pretend it’s not about using people, but kind of fails in the end to convince.

32. Pyramid and 4 other stories – Henning Mankel – interesting detective series set in Sweden, mostly seems to consist of the main character’s shock at crime happening in Sweden

33. Resurrection Men – Ian Rankin – the usual compulsive reading brilliance from Ian, love him.

34. The Method and Other Stories – Tom Vowler – really enjoyed alot of these, some punchline type endings though.

35. The Kill – Emile Zola – Spoiler Alert: No one gets killed! Otherwise brilliant read – so many parallels with today it’s scary.

36. The Walmart Effect – Charles Fishman – sort of interesting, but repetitive, and not saying much that’s new.

37. 3 cups of tea – Greg Mortenson – interesting read, but definitely a lot of poetic license taken, and there’s some scandal about it perhaps not being true – ie there’s another book out called 3 cups of lies.

38. The Grass is singing - Doris Lessing – a brilliant book, hard to read at times, but such strong insights into life etc. Really worth reading.

Adrenalin Junkies and IPYPIASM

2011-12-16T14:02:00.000-08:00

So, Bug has done it again with another wonderful poem hitting the shelves, and what a colourful beautiful shelf - not to mention a very hilarious poem... but, and here is a warning for us all, this time Bug reckons it was boring... why? because there was no danger, no chase from security, no search lights and rabid alsations, so she calls it boring. Well it's far from boring in my eyes, and I think ye should all pop over here (Yes CLICK HERE) for a good close up look at her handiwork!

But be careful out there IPYPIASMer's, once you start IPYPIASMING it's all about the adrenalin! You can't say you weren't warned....

Bringing the purely "sure it's the taking part that counts" scores to:

America 6
England 5
Scotland 10
Ireland 11

The States coming back strong

2011-12-16T01:37:00.000-08:00

So Dead Acorn has a 'friend' (perhaps in the same way a young Brady boy might tell his Dad he had a 'friend' who didn't know how to tell his new stepmom he didn't like her cooking) who has graced the International Put Your Poem In a Shop Month Festival with her genius.

She has placed where no other IPYPIASM member to date has ever dared to go... check out the result, and as always the actual words over on Dead Acorn by clicking here

Yes, that is the fixture you think it is....

Bringing the overall non competitive scores on the doors to

America 5

England 5

Scotland 10

Ireland 11

Woot!!!!

Dominic's four more feats

2011-12-15T07:45:00.000-08:00

Click here to see the latest four installments in the worldwide phenomenon that is "International Put your Poem in a shop Month" - Dominic has put his very fancy looking pictures up on Flickr, which is lovely and all but doesn't allow me, with my rudimentary ability with computers, to copy and paste in here. But never fear - go! look! they're splendid.

Who will be next?

The score being tracked purely for "fun" stands at

England 5

Scotland 10

Ireland 11

North America 4

3 new poets break into the IPYPIASM scene

2011-12-14T10:33:00.000-08:00

yes the International put your poem in a shop month festival is going from strength to strength. All good things come in threes, good kings, wise men, stooges, eyes, little pigs, wishes.... etc etc, and lately three wonderful poets have generously joined in the IPYPIASM spirit, introduced to us over on Titus' blog (click here for the close ups) - here are their wonderful poems in situ in shops....

First Up Vivien Jones: http://www.vivienjones.info/

Then Jean Atkin http://thedogdaysofdumfriesshire.blogspot.com/

And finally Carolyn Yates

Thus bringing the non competitive scores on the doors to

Scotland 10

Ireland 11

England 1

USA 4

Shop storming stammering poet

2011-12-12T09:27:00.000-08:00

Yes folks, Peter has been out again, storming his locality with a blizzard of poetic brilliance.

Click here to see the full text, for close ups of the beautifully typed up and branded poems, and to find out whether or not he remembered the bird seed.

In a lonely corner of Halfords
Between the aisles in Dealz

In the pet shop
Standing proud in Argos

and almost nationwide in heatons...

Leaving the scores on the board standing at

Ireland 11

England 1

Scotland 6

USA 4

Or if this was the ryder cup of stealth poetic athletics

Europe 18

USA 4

but IPYPIASM is a non competitive festival, so eh, it's the taking part and all that.

Goooooo Peter!!

Go on the Dom

2011-12-12T02:58:00.001-08:00

Dominic Rivron has joined in with IPYPIASM on behalf of England. Click here to see the words on this blooming lovely poem.

Leaving the scoreboard as follows:

England 1

Scotland 6

Ireland 6

USA 4

Suggestions for theoretical prizes? If this was a competition like? Even though it's obviously not.

Titus thrice more

2011-12-11T05:51:00.001-08:00

Titus is at it again keeping Scotland well up there for this years IPYPIASM. See the full story and close ups over here.

Her latest adventures have included venturing into a gallery - to bring a bit of culture to the cult that is IPYPIASM...And of course a visit to the toy shop, tis the season after all...

Finally bringing Rachel's poem on tour to the fragrance dept (Rumour has it this is actually Titus' dressing table... and she just doesn't like to take the packaging off her perfumes)

And she ... er... has strange decorative ideas too... when the poem's gone, it's gone too...

So now, where does that leave our leaderboard?

Well, in this world of friendly rivalry, I can now inform you the scores on the board stand at:

Scotland 6

Ireland 6

USA 4

Is this destined to be a three horse race? Any other countries throwing their hats in the ring?

20 more days to find out...

IPYPIASM update: Dublin on the board and Almost nabbed in Walgreens

2011-12-10T08:00:00.000-08:00

Festivals often thrive on Thursdays, Fridays and Saturdays, and IPYPIASM 2011 is no different (Yes, I've decided it's a festival now, and you can't stop me). This weekend we've had a blast of contribustions (cross between contribution and combustion dontcha know) in IPYPIASM's spiritual home - finally putting Dublin on the IPYPIASM map, thanks to the great Stammering Poet. Go on over here for the close ups of these gems

Taped up in the food aisle

Set free beside the fancy clothings

Taped down under the handbags

And up in public at the post office

And in the land of the free we've had our first almost nabbing with the brilliant Bug nearly getting herself arrested. Click here for the full tale and to read the poem excellently placed below.

Also, Rachel is preparing for another placement in Scotland (just as well when you look at the scoreboard) - you can read about that here

But until then the scores (kept just for fun, you understand) stand at:

Ireland 6

Scotland 3

America 4

IPYPIGASMIC

2011-12-08T02:01:00.000-08:00

Well folks, the states is quickly catching up with Scotland with Acorn taking IPYPIASM to a fancy department store in Americay

He also includes a fantastic insight into the old days of IPYPIASM so definitely hop over here for a look at that and have a read of his brilliant poem.

So just to remind us the score now is

Ireland 2

Rest of the world 6

But this is a non competitive event, so like, scores don't really count. Ahem.

Poems in Shop - The second Cork one

2011-12-07T11:37:00.001-08:00

This poem was planted in the gorgeous Hilser Bros Jeweller in Cork, going since 1860, they're just in the middle of a closing down sale to end all closing down sales, genuinely beautiful s
hiny things in there, well worth a look if you're about the area. You can just see Danger Cushions' legs dangling from the sling in the mirror behind the display case he

re.

And the ubiquitous close up

The poem is a bit hard to read in the shaky wakey photo above so here are the words for those of you that are into such things.

"Shooting stars for your pocket

Delicious but pricey

Almost hard as meteorite

Almost as icy"

And now the Score runs at:

Cork 2

America 2

Scotland 3

Not that it's a competition or anything...

Hope's the latest

2011-12-07T01:59:00.001-08:00

to take part in IPYPIASM 2011 (International Put Your Poem in a Shop Month)

Click here to find the words of the seasonal, yet wickedly funny poem that she has planted. Another one for the States!

Whoop!

And IPYPIASM is going to be talked about as part of Emerging Writer's talk at Ignite in the Science Gallery this Thursday in Dubland 7-9pm. The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about.

More poems in Cork shops have been reported, tune in here later for more.

IPYPIASM streaking ahead abroad

2011-12-06T09:35:00.000-08:00

Titus has got another one in the bag over in Scotland folks, making this years IPYPIASM 4 times more active abroad than it is at home. Not that it's a competition or anything, but if it was, Scotland would be winning....

Though I have read recently that Titus doesn't sleep, ever, so that probably explains some of it.Here's her magnificent latest poem in situ, and click here for the words and close up

Well, we have shops in Cork too, and today I managed a trip to a toy shop....

What's that attractive looking bus there? I hear you say. The one beside the boys toys...
Could it be?

Yes, my very own Poetry Bus, hitting the town in celebration of Issue 3 coming soon. I'm sure you can read more about that over here

More IPYPIASM goings on

2011-12-04T06:39:00.000-08:00

Well IPYPIASM has made it to America in great style with a lovely seasonal and soul searching offering from Bug - to find the full details click here

While Titus brings IPYPIASM to new heights and new levels in this fantabulous example of daring do - click here for all the pics.

And now it's over to you - who's going to be next?!?!?!

So it's not in a shop

2011-12-03T13:24:00.000-08:00

but in keeping with the season of IPYPIASM that's in it, today I wrote a poem involving a shop. I wrote this in a work SHOP - see all the links? it's amazing isn't it... anyway - the workshop person (who was very nice and good by the way) got us to pick a public place and write a poem about the people around and about it seconds before a bomb goes off. - taking inspiration from the poem "The One Twenty Pub" by Wislaura Szymborska, translated by Dennis O'Driscoll.

I picked a shop. A fictional newsagent place called Mc Swiggan's. It's the first thing I've written in yonks so I'm not sure if it's any good. If anyone knows of a newsagent called McSwiggan's, please let me know so I can get them to put this one up in their shop...

Blowing Up McSwiggan's

Some goths and norms

coagulate in footpath

congregations

laughing through their braces

cigarettes light up their faces

An aunt runs in to buy

a card, a certain celebration

coat pulled against the cold

winces past a young alsation

A thin man wants a paper

with the date his son was born

Should've left it off till later

Would be safer to go home

There's a toddler on a lead

with icecream dripping through his fingers

though it's nearly nine at night

still his mammy chats and lingers

with a long past maybe boyfriend

she ran into him by chance

and now they're swapping numbers baby

but they might not get to dance

Farmer stops to check the lotto

red cheeks grump at lack of winning

thick chocolate cheers him up

so there's no fear of him thinning

The world thinks it can keep on

but in McSwiggan's soon it's ending

no more nothing for the lot of them

ashes, dust, dead colours blending

IPYPIASM IN CORK

2011-12-02T08:11:00.000-08:00

So I ventured out with secret agent danger cushions yesterday, to put a poem in a shop as part of IPYPIASM (International Put Your Poem In a Shop Month). This is the first ever poem placement in the Rebel county, so is a momentous occasion, as such.

Danger Cushions turned out to be the worst partner in crime possible, with his bouncy good looks and constant smiling at strangers, it proved very difficult to blend in with the crowd. And by the way there was no crowd either. This IPYPIASM is getting tougher with less people around, the sales staff tend to watch you more, so it's harder than ever to subtly place a poem.

I managed eventually and here's the evidence.

And on shelf in all it's shining glory

By the way - any newbies to IPYPIASM please feel free to join in. The thinking is, we like poems and we like shops, or we hate shops, whatever your feeling on shops - I'm betting the month of December will see you in them more often than at any other time of year. So poems in shops is a way to make that trip more fruitful, bearable, fun, exciting, or charitable depending on your outlook. Write a poem. Place it in shop. Take a pic and post it on your blog. Let us know about it. The poems may or may not be related to where they end up in the shop, they are there as a present to other shoppers, the world at large, etc. They should be short enough to read while browsing a shelf. They may end up being scrunched up by a tidying employee, or they could end up treasured in someone's wallet or locket or most favourite pocket, whatever the case may be... get em out there!!

Let's get PPISD

2011-12-01T02:58:00.000-08:00

(poems put in shops dudes)

Titus is showing the way, with a pre-emptive strike, a poem in a shop since yesterday
Read more about it here

So that's the ball firmly rolling people. International Put Your Poem In a Shop Month only comes once a year, are you going to take full advantage? Well, are ye? Punk?

Take a trip to nostalgiaville here to see how it all began.

And by the way, the boy with the balloon of the previous post's fame - he's a half year old today. Big and bold, he's going to provide excellent cover for PPIS (putting poems in shops) Happy half Birthday Danger Cushions!

The most wonderful time...

2011-11-28T10:33:00.000-08:00

Yes, that time of year is almost upon us again. With the kids jingle belling and everyone telling you "Be of good cheer" for it's almost the most exciting, delighting month internationally.

There were rumours that IPYPIASM might be forgotten this year, amidst new children, new jobs, lack of snow to focus the mind, the organisers' terrible new haircut, but NO. It is going to happen, and it is going to happen soon.

In a few short days we will be ready to tear the November page off the calender and throw it in the shredder (our plans for november are very confidential) along with all the guilt for not having written a novel or growing extra hair for charity. Yes we'll be free to move on to the glory of December. Also known as "INTERNATIONAL PUT YOUR POEM IN A SHOP MONTH"

We're going into our fourth year, and last year despite adverse weather conditions, poems managed to find their way into no less than 1400 different shopping expeditions (I may be multiplying by 100 for effect), across 20 continents (this time multiplying by 10 for effect) and brought joy and wonder to beleaguered queue battling shoppers everywhere.

This year it's going to be bigger and better than ever before, because you, dear reader, are going to be one of the many, the brilliant, who make this part of your tradition. No one has yet ever regretted putting a poem in a shop*. So, get ready, you have a few days yet to get yourselves in gear. Why not visit 2009's interim report to get ye in the mood. Click here for it.

And here's a picture of a boy with a balloon just to get ye in the mood.

* in that so far no one, to my knowledge has been arrested.

They said it couldn't be done

2011-11-26T00:28:00.000-08:00

I was musing this morning on the fact that I am the type of person who gets most motivated when told that I probably can't do something. In college a good friend, who shall remain nameless, once broke off our studying relationship because I was too much of a messer and she wanted to do well in the exams, thus giving me all the boost I needed to actually finally knuckle down and not do too badly in the end.

Likewise, almost six months ago I was visited by a public health nurse who seemed kind of bemused when I told her that babs was eating at least 20 times per day (I counted, so I knew). And she left me a chart explaining how to make up formula because as she said "Most women change over after awhile, so you'll probably give up." Anyway - maybe she was just a genius reverse psychologist in disguise but whatever happened, we're still going strong (and the more people ask about when I return to work, the more I'm hoping to keep going beyond that too).

I just need someone now to tell me that I'll probably never write again and that it's not worth even putting in the 5 minutes here and there that I'm only half managing to do at the moment, since I've most likely got zero ability for writing anything half worth reading, anything I got published in the past was pure fluke, and there's nothing left in me, so I should just give up now. So please, discourage me.... it's the strongest motivator I know.

Something to be careful of

2011-11-23T09:08:00.001-08:00

It's that time of year folks, just make sure ye wrap up the man folk, let's let this be the year we stamp out manflu

Go to see Anamaria Crowe Serrano

2011-11-22T11:43:00.000-08:00

If you do nothing else this weekend and you live in Dublin... you should go to see Anamaría - she's one of my favourite poets ever - in a weird kind of, I just seem to get her poems straight away and they're always personal and affecting and I feel like I've felt exactly like the feelings the poems describe but I couldn't have described it that way, kinda thing.

Anyway she has not one, but two interesting looking gigs coming up and since I can't go, I said I'd at least let my millions of readers know about them and see if ye can't get along in my place and let me know about it.

JAM Sandwich - A reading with Anamaría Crowe Serrano and Jennifer Matthews

Saturday 26th November 2011

3 p.m. The Loft Bookshop

@ The Twisted Pepper, 54 Middle Abbey Street

Jennifer and Anamaría will read from their "JAM Sandwich", a poetic conversation they've been having for the past few years.

Anamaría Crowe Serrano is an Irish poet living in Dublin. She works as a translator of poetry from Spanish and Italian, and is a teacher of Spanish language. Her work has been published in Ireland and abroad and includes a chapbook, one columbus leap (Corrupt Press, Paris, 2011), which chronicles Columbus' voyage to the New World, as well as a full length collection, Femispheres, published in 2008 (Shearsman, UK). She is the recipient of two awards from the Arts Council of Ireland.

Her interest in collaborative work led to the publication of Paso Doble (Empiria, Rome, 2006), a poetic dialogue written with Italian poet, Annamaria Ferramosca, and a collection (forthcoming) still in search of a title, written with Cork-based poet, Jennifer Matthews.

Jennifer Matthews was born in Missouri (USA) and has lived in Ireland since 2003. Her poetry has been published in Mslexia, Revival, Necessary Fiction and Poetry Salzburg, and anthologised in Dedalus's collection of immigrant poetry in Ireland, Landing Places (2010). She has read her work at Night Blue Fruit, The Fizz, and the Heaventree Poetry Festival in the UK, and as a guest poet with 'Catch the Moon' (Cork, Ireland). Her most recent poems were published in Foma and Fontenelles and Cork Literary Review in 2011.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

MIRABILE DICTU

A poetry reading with Anamaría Crowe Serrano

inspired by the paintings of Catalan artist Jordi Forniés

6 p.m. Filmbase, Temple Bar, D2

Saturday, 26 November, 2011

The reading is part of Jordi's exhibition, Mirabile Dictu,

which runs in Filmbase from Nov 15 to Dec 4,

curated by Olivier Cornet (http://www.olliart.com)

A preview of the catalogue can be seen at

http://www.blurb.com/books/2582010

Jordi Forniés (born in Huesca, 1971) is a Catalan artist based in Dublin. A chemist by training, Jordi knows a thing or two about pigments and paint.

His experience in this area combined with a very strong interest in the mineral world has lead Jordi to reinvent or re-interpret the complex yet beautiful landscapes within and without, mixing traditional and cutting edge design techniques. Sculpting external material into the canvas before blending colours as time would in rock formations, the artist invites us on a journey through the inner self, exploring the geology of the mind, the meandering of distant memories, the erosion of emotions, the passing of love.

Read more about Jordi at http://www.olliart.com/artists/jordifornies.htm.

Some things we learned

2011-11-17T10:35:00.000-08:00

at the writing course I went to a few months back... gosh it's taking me ages to anything at all these days. Anyway here's a few of the pointable pointers from my notes

Imagine showing your work to the great writers... is it good enough? if not keep working on it - don't say "it'll do".

Every day you MUST open the dictionary - it's like washing your face, and even if you don't read a word, open it still. Words bring with them everywhere they've been - know their history if you can.

Author's judgements on the page make the author present.

A story can't just be about another sad case - make it matter, the reader needs to suffer with the character, need to find something new.

Give essential information as early as possible in a story.

You covet what you see, what's noticed by your character tells a lot about what they want.

Nothing in a short story can come to nothing - everything must have significance.

Imagine you are representing the character in court, you have to represent them fairly and honestly.

Self expression is what happens after 3 double whiskeys, great fiction is full of restraint.

Anyway - those are just a few of the things I thought were worth noting. Hope any of yez that are writers out there get some value from them.

Untidying

2011-11-13T13:54:00.001-08:00

verb;

the action involving removing - from cupboards, under beds, the back of wardrobes, and other miscellaneous places - the various items that were put there in preparation for "having visitors", in the hopes of appearing somewhat tidy, and which now are almost lost. Usually includes but is not limited to; packed bags brought on trips and not yet unpacked, hairbrushes, shoes of all kinds, useful things that normally live on the visible surfaces of your home which you almost cannot live without, but which can also be found at your parents house down the road if you're really stuck.

Where were the social workers?

2011-11-01T14:55:00.001-07:00

.... when I put together this little bit of homework... (images aren't uploading for some reason, so you're going to have to trust me and imagine em)

Yes, in another edition of "whose childhood is it anyway", we have unearthed a few timely exhibits which prove beyond doubt that early intervention would have made an entirely different person out of me - after all - who could look at this and view it as anything other than a cry for help?

Exhibit A: According to this - I had no favourite possessions... nothing at all, the space on the worksheet is left blank. More disturbingly still - in the box marked "What I would love to do sometime" I had written "Become famous and happy" - then for some reason... my 11 year old self decided to give up on happiness there and then, take my little red biro and scribble it right out of existence. I wonder what prompted such a move - did I feel I was being unrealistic in wanting both? did the teacher force me to choose? and most of all - would the child I was back then be impressed with the progress I've made on both fronts??

Exhibit B (from the back of the same page): "Write something happy that happened to you" I wracked my little eleven year old brain and all I could come up with was an accident involving me falling from a trailer... really? was that the happiest moment I could come up with?

perhaps I just had difficulty with understanding the word "happy" itself, this is most likely - if I associated happy with falling out of trailers it would be most sensible of me to want to avoid such things... or maybe I really did like making up things.... like stories.... (as I claimed on the first sheet)

Anyway - this really doesn't work without the pictures, so apologies and thanks for your patience if you have read it. :-)

Speaking of Clear Outs

2011-10-27T02:12:00.000-07:00

Yesterday's image (some might call it a disturbing image) was thanks to a large bag of stuff and things that my folks have kindly kept for me all these years only to return them to me now that I am old enough to laugh about them, and possibly so that I can appreciate what they had to put up with all those years ago.

Here's today's strange artifact from childhood. A slightly overly assertive Mother T commands a man to "DIE WITH DIGNITY". Perhaps you kind folks could save me the cost of a therapist and provide me with the deeper meaning behind this one?

Speaking of presidents

2011-10-26T05:52:00.000-07:00

Here's me in 1988 with the then president of the USA, I thought the name Bush was hilarious at the time, but then I also thought batman earrings were the coolest things evah! (Except while trying to watch arachnophobia in the cinema when they'd dangle on your neck feeling like a spider's tiptoe)

Anyway - decision time tomorrow. I never saw the attraction of having a self styled smooth businessman from reality tv-land as a president myself. Though he does look a little like Danger cushions, when he does his power pout the leading candidate (up until monday anyway) did a mean impression of Danger at his most upset... Hopefully the bumbling explanations, contradictions, condescensions and general rubbish he's been talking this week will be enough to change a few minds. I'm routing for David Norris. He's by far the most entertaining, as anyone who watched Monday's Frontline debate will know, ok he's had a funny campaign, what with stepping out for most of it and just returning a few weeks ago, but to me that demonstrates brilliant strategy - less work, maximum impact... there's lots more to say but I'm off for a nice walk in the woods.

You have 20 hours to convince me otherwise

I can only assume

2011-10-21T01:22:00.000-07:00

....that the artworks put up here over the last few days have solicited such a huge response and that practically everyone in the world has attempted to bid on them. This has caused a jam in the semi conductors which led to a kink in the wiring which in turn has led to the appearance of zero comments and therefore zero bids.

I can only apologise to the frustrated millions out there who long to own one of the "pieces" and I can only hope the increased levels of traffic doesn't, in fact, break the internet.

Last day of the auction

2011-10-20T01:41:00.000-07:00

So here's the last of the artworks up for grabs in the "Cushions throws out her old stuff and saves the world at the same time" Charity Auction... Scroll back through the last few posts for more options or if you wanna find out how the auction works!

"Paper Punch"

(Perfect for the office)

"Footballers"

"Yellowness"

"Bláthanna"

More More More, how do you like it

2011-10-19T03:20:00.001-07:00

Today's fabulous foursome in the cushions charity art auction extravaganza include:

"A Bit o' Boston"

"Fish" or "Using up all the small bits of broken soft pastels"

"Untitled - just for the sake of it"

"Mushrooms" (includes free piglet sticker)

Fastest finger first - first bidder wins - there's one more days worth coming tomorrow - don't forget you can take from more than one day if you wish. They'll be worth millions when I'm very famous.

I might have another batch in a few weeks if I can find the lead for the camera.

Another day another auction

2011-10-18T03:12:00.000-07:00

Today's delectable delights include:

"Party People"

"Unfinished Family scene"

(this could be finished off by the purchaser perhaps)

"Old Photo"

"Girl wrapped up"

For details on how to bid - see earlier posts!

Yes - that's my carpet!

2011-10-17T01:59:00.000-07:00

Need something to line your kitty litter tray? perhaps the inside of your medicine cabinet could do with a decoration, or you need some kindling for all those bonfire nights coming up? Rest assured the Various Cushions charity auction has something to meet your needs. All you need to do to win one of these priceless (or in some cases priceless attempts at artwork) pictures is to place a bid in the comment box for the one that you like. Promise to give something to some sort of charidee - you don't even have to say what or when or to whom, and we'll trust you to carry it out. I'll need an email from you then to confirm your delivery address, my email is niamh dot bagnell at gmail dot com... and away we go...

today's sumptuous offerings include:

"Dermot" and "Wicklow"

"Guitar man on Cape Clear"

"Captain Kirk"

"Moby"

And yes, that is my carpet in the back ground, not for sale - though it does set some of them off beautifully.

You can take more than one pic - but limit yourself to one from each day's posting - think I've another 3 days worth to put up after these.

Happy shopping!

Some dark ones

2011-10-16T02:36:00.001-07:00

So, in mindfulness that Halloween's coming up - the various cushions charity art auction has plenty of things to scare the kiddies - darlings that they are....

see yesterday's post for info on how you can claim - meanwhile - on with the ORT!!!!

- this selection come from dark places, cos I know some of ye are into that kinda thang

"Creepy face behind the bouquet" and "Sad woman who doesn't exist"

(note - sometimes I'm too lazy to photograph pictures separately - that doesn't mean they can't be separated in real life)

"The Wreck of the Hespers"

"Swimming"

"Boy" - from the U2 album cover

There are 16 more masterpieces to come in the next few days, but don't worry - feel free to start the bidding, you can take as many as you like, pick one from each day perhaps. First bid wins - tell us what you plan to do for charity if you wish, or blog about it, or just take the pic and run, I'll trust ye to do the right thing.

(and if no one is bidding - please take one just to make me feel better- you can always put it in your green bin when it arrives!! :-)

Lead's back!!! Art for auction

2011-10-15T13:01:00.000-07:00

yay - the new non dog chewed lead arrived, so i'm back in action.

And just in time for my charity art auction. Cos I feel strongly about stuff and things, and I haven't held a gala ball in quite some time, or indeed ever... I have decided to auction off some original art from cushions towers for the sake of the charidee. Yes you can own one of my fabulous pieces, and all you need to do is bid - bid anything at all, a good deed for someone, promise to smile at the bus driver, or pledge one million dollars to your local good cause - you don't have to prove it, you can blog it if you wish, but I will depend on your high levels of integrity to ensure that the good works are carried out. And now for the art...

The following "pieces" have become available during the shake up also know as moving house - whereby these lovely (and some let's face it, not so lovely) things were found unappreciated and unloved among my old sketch pads. There's oil paintings, pastels, charcoals, all original and all mine. (I know it's hard to believe how talented I am)

To nab one - just leave a comment with the title and send me your address by intermail at the following address: niamh dot bagnell at gmail dot com....

And now the art - cheese and wine ready everyone?

"Guy with no friends left at the party"

"Watercolour garden"

"Beaded top and hair dryer"

"Stormy sky"

Ok - because it takes hours to put up these things I'm only putting a few up at a time - will put some more up in the next few days - and feel free to take more than one - since it'll save me on the postage

Happy bidding :-)

For the art of repetition

2011-10-12T08:11:00.000-07:00

The weekend found meself, baby cushions and Mr VC all ensconced half way up sliabh na muc (the mountain of pigs) looking out over the Glen of Aherlow in the company of 5 writers from the wonderful Dubland writer's group for the annual writing weekend, also known as the annual "excuse to eat 10 thousand jelly sweets and watch X factor" weekend.
As is traditional on such weekends - we sometimes, late on in the evening, get around to a 2 lines each game where we each write two lines of a poem and pass it on... here's the result of mine - which was one of the favourites this year - last years favourite can still be heard here.

And now - this years effort - and don't try to say the fourth line after half a box of butler's chocolates...

Moonlight spilled through chocolate trees
The summer night a blush of heat
A shimmer, glimmer, cresent kiss
Lost loves kiss, last lost chance
A cloud, a broken strand of moon
brought chill through naked trees
And then she danced wild and free
The night, her audience. She waits
for someone hid between the trees
whose eyes shimmered in the moonlight
A flash of shadow, tall, and then,
for the art of repetition, let's mention trees again

I'm still waiting for the darned lead btw, so apologies that I'm slower than usual at responding to your comments, they're still much appreciated.

Nutella on the other side of the jaffa cake

2011-10-06T03:57:00.000-07:00

Readers familiar with my poems to dissuade series will know that lack of a need for a certain public service will not put me off attempting to provide it - so here, in the interests of public health and well-being, is a list of what I deem to be inappropriate uses for nutella or choconussa as you might know it, depending on where you shop. I haven't tested out all of these ideas, so can only promise that on mature reflection, these uses seem to be the least likely to bring you success.

1. Buttering the non chocolate side of the jaffa cake - this idea is what got me thinking about the rest of the uses I deem inappropriate.... sounds delicious but wrong.
2. Nor should you eat all the chocolate off the outside of a mars bar and insert nutella between the nougat and caramel layers.
3. Do not use as toothpaste.
4. It will not work well as nappy cream.
5. Nor does it function as window cleaner.
6. It's abilities as a cavity insulator are limited.
7. It is not recommended in the field of shining shoes.
8. At best it is very poor as a nasal decongestant.
9. Do not try it as an NCT disc adhesive.
10. When tiling - grout is probably a better option for sticking the tiles to the wall.

Glueing Ferrero Rocher's together in a pyramid is only to be advised if you are extremely skilled and artistic and want to impress all your friends.

Anyway - contrary to all evidence to the contrary, I am not online at the moment, the lead is still en route... I watch ye from a far dear friends... (whatever you do, don't try it as hair gel)

lots of great ideas for posts these days but...............

2011-09-29T08:32:00.000-07:00

Contrary to all Human Rights treaties signed in living and dead memory, there is no internet in the new house...

This outrage has been followed by the fact that the lead on my computer no longer works, so I can't even get posts written up at home and then posted from an internetty spot....

I'm adrift, waving at you from a far away life raft - hopefully normal service will resume soon

(and the weather's rubbish down here, which I noticed was highlighted from the heatwave ridden dubland, from the dubland tv* studios... thanks a lot... rub it in why don't ye?)

* we officially really really have no tv now either - so have to rely on the kindness of my folks to sometimes allow us into their home for a peek...

TOiLET

2011-09-22T13:33:00.000-07:00

you know that childish urge to write an "i" in the middle of those To Let signs?

There'll be one of those signs outside my house some time soon... but we'll be gone... - yep we're finally packed up and ready to go - leaving the house of many firsts. First place we lived together without other people around... place I wrote my first two novels... left from here for our first wedding... and of course to have our first baby cushions... and it's also clean and clutter free now for the FIRST time since we moved in.

It's lovely living in a house with an echo

here's a picture from the online ad showing how blank the place is now - oh and the lawn has been mowed at at long last as well - strange times.

we're on the road south in the morning

sign of the times

2011-09-14T12:01:00.000-07:00

The painting on the left has lived at the top of my stairs for a couple of years now. The other day it came up in some kind of conversation related to "the move" and I found myself calling it the breastfeeding picture... just shows where my poor befuddled head is at these days.

a stone's throw

2011-09-09T04:23:00.000-07:00

so - we've found the place that we plan to move to in Cork. New landlord is ok with insane dog, (altho we didn't call her an insane dog when we asked about it) - to be honest we possibly seduced the new landlord a little unfairly with a big blue eyed smiley baby gooing at them, how could they resist?

The weird thing about the new place is that it's actually only a stone's throw from where I grew up - I mean literally... I could throw a stone from my front gate and hit my dad as he's mowing the lawn - not that I would... dad, if you're reading this, this is not a threat (and feel free to come over and mow our lawn when you're finished)

Anyway - it's weird, the thought of living so near my old home - I'd never been inside the house until earlier this week, but have most definitely sat on the front step of the porch - I have a memory of a transient friend who lived there - a little blonde girl who I played with mainly because she had a toy cashiers till that really seemed to work, with toy products to sell and everything... I have memories layered all round the estate - across the road was where I feel off the back of a toy tractor - and in my imagination somersaulted backwards down a steep hill whereas it's actually only a slight incline.

I have also been in the back garden, as to the left of it is the big wall that we used to use for tennis once a year after wimbledon - and whenever the ball went a little high - theirs was the back garden to be braved... I think the people who lived there at the time were ok about it - and I know insane dog will be more than ok about it if it still goes on, probly not, since today's kids are probly busy on their wiis etc

Anyways - am working now on the tin cans and string phones, it'll save a fortune in phone bills

After just one day in College

2011-09-01T00:27:00.000-07:00

Danger cushions already thinks he knows it all... - here he is giving a running critique of last night's rte news

Micheál watches news by variouscushions

either that or he's trying out his first sound poem

Who's really impressed by black shoes anyway?

2011-08-30T13:34:00.000-07:00

My black work type shiny shoes were dug out from under the bed last night for wearing today, the first time not wearing runners, pink crocs or slippers since maternity leave started... the reason? I wanted to impress my new classmates and teachers with my professional and tidy appearance, yes I returned to college today. In black shoes. And I slightly twisted my ankle.

Tomorrow's plan includes bringing baby danger cushions with me to class, as he has promised with his big puppy blue eyes that he will behave and let me absorb all the writing goodness with no interruptions. Anyway in return I have to promise to walk him around for 20 mins ahead of each session so that he'll get to sleep through it.

The stupid black shoes are going back under the bed, they don't even have a heel on them (as you'll know if you read watercats, I'm actually a giant in real life). Sneakers ahoy for the next little while.

Just as well it's only a 3 day course.

Egg Roulette

2011-08-26T09:28:00.000-07:00

This week we find ourselves here at cushions land with a surfeit of eggs... Mr VC's brother called for a visit, and in celebration, Mr VC went out and bought eggs, a million eggs, well 15 for 2 euro, which isn't too bad, otherwise known as a bar gain around here (now you don't need to gain a bar in order for it to be called a bar gain - funny old world isn't it? Anyway, on with the gripping and dramatic tale)

As it turned out - we already had some eggs (SHOCK HORROR) in another packet hidden craftily at the back of the fridge - and of course - those being older eggs - they are due to be out of date sooner than the new ones. Stock rotation would say that you should use up the old eggs first, but we said "To HELL with stock rotation" and cooked up a few of the new eggs in quick succession...

My dilemma today - you'll probably have guessed - is that I now own one egg that will go off several days earlier than the other 12 or so that are still in the big box of eggs, but it is a mild irritant to say the least, to have 3 egg spaces in one box and only one egg in the other - so do you, kind readers, think it would be totally crazy to put the old egg in with the new? In order that I might throw out the old box and save some small semblance of sanity? trying of course to keep it somehow separate or label it - maybe with a packing sticker, so that I can recognise it on opening? or should I wait until an occasion naturally arises for use of a single egg and take out the old egg then? (a strategy that depends on me remembering the old egg - not easy when faced with a shiny big box of new eggs that practically sing to me every time I open the fridge)

or should I simply put the old egg in at random with the new eggs, and trust to fate? perhaps invest in a magnifying glass so that we can read the pink printed use by dates on the side of the eggs? Maybe I could just go now before any of them are out of date and have a big ol' tinned apocolypse fruit omelet? Either way, and no matter what gets decided - this has probably been the worst possible use of the free time allotted to me by baby cushions first long day time nap in a few weeks, and if you've read this far... well you could've possibly done more with the time too. Shame on us.

Sack the TV, French radio rules!!

2011-08-18T02:00:00.000-07:00

So I know I pledged once many years ago to quit the tv, because of a profusion of reading matter... well it didn't last too long. This time the motivation has changed - because of the day being already shortened by nappy trips, clothing changes, feedings, bouncings, playings etc, we figure the last thing we need is to lose any more half hours to Dr Phil, Judge Judy or even the beloved Fair City.

The telly has been turned off since Saturday night last, and I honestly think this time we may keep it off. We have more time in our days, get tired less early, and I've discovered the most amazing radio station over the interweb - it's called Fip, it's French - sometimes I haven't a clue what they're on about, but last night they played all of "The End" (the whole lot of it) plus some Reggae and some jazz in the space of 20 minutes - I just feckin love it - tune in and you'll get anything from eclectic 50's type quirky tunes, to classical music, alternative rock - it's brillo - click here. For example: Gems like this one about loving a cigarette don't come around that often - the singer collapses coughing at the end of the song...

Am also looking forward to listening to the Franny Mac stories here - thanks to Words A Day for that tip, I'll surely be listening to hers first, and I also have been enjoying our live Dublin talent, including the mighty 120 socks on the Glor sessions Ustream... all in all I don't miss tv much at all.

Apocalypse Fruit

2011-08-15T05:14:00.000-07:00

We're packing up now for the proper move, the real, can't just come back home at weekends kind of move to Cork land - ie this time we'll be renting our own place instead of just going down and staying with my parents. Anyway - this week I am packing up and/ or clearing out the food press - getting rid of adzuki beans, bags of two year old flour - you know the kind of stuff - however I have two items that pose a bit of a problem (I'd show you them, only I've already packed the camera), what would you do with mysterious tinned fruit that according to the tin went off 3 and 4 years ago? I say mysterious because judging by the age at least one of these tins had to have been obtained before we moved to the current abode, also mysterious because neither of us remember being involved in their purchase - anyway obviously I can't eat them now - but i'm worried about throwing them out - firstly because my dratted conscience would be sure to force me to open, rinse and recycle the cans and god knows what they smell like, but secondly because what if they are destined to be apocalypse fruit, you know the one - in the stand or the road or z for zachariah where the hero of the hour struggles and straggles half dead to the last remaining intact kitchen cupboard, and manages to find some horribly gone off but just about still nourishing cans of fruit - so what that the hero is unlikely to be me, out of pure selflessness and for the good of the future survival of the future, maybe I should hold onto them?

Feeling Fluffy?

2011-08-05T06:31:00.000-07:00

Even my most dedicated readers may not recall the delightful "cheese and freezes with the goats expenses" that appeared on a menu in a lovely little french restaurant not so long ago...Click here for that story. The new news is the nightmares in translation continue - see here a question on the english part of a french website from a so called "fluffy" gal - now unless i've missed out a new bit of slang in france - highly unlikely since I'm so street wise, cool and with it - even keeping up with trends and fashions from other nations - someone is pulling someone's jambon when it comes to translation...

A Rubbish Poem

2011-08-03T10:21:00.000-07:00

I've been very absent of late from here, summer seems to be a quiet time in blog land in general... but anyway, I have returned with something rather special... a reply to a call posted on this blog two and a half years ago... yes you can read the original spur for this over here.

A very good friend of mine silently answered the plea, he was living in Boston at the time and now lives between Amsterdam and Cork, I'm just telling ye that, so you can appreciate how cosmopolitan and glamourous this poet is... so now - from the pen of PJ Lyddy, I give you a perfectly matured original work entitled "Rubbish"

Rubbish

Hey you, over here, look at me, I'm rubbish

C'mon buddy, it ain't that bad, you're not rubbish

Well, what am I, I'm just a discarded wrapper, they only wanted me for what was inside

Well, its not whats on the inside that counts, and it could be worse...

You could be like the leaves, they can't even speak, look at them, all mushy, brown and mute

Suppose you're right, I'm pretty tough, I'll make it through, I'll live for a thousand years

That's the spirit!

by PJ Lyddy

20 books to read

2011-07-18T05:59:00.000-07:00

So - back in those heady days when I could get out and about for more than half an hour at a time, I once went along to a festival in Ennis, the book club festival to be precise. I'd won a golden ticket giving me free entry to all events thanks to a piece of writing (we had to write about our imaginary ideal book club) anyway it was a great weekend at the time... One of the events was called 10 books you have to read - and we had two people presenting, so all told got 20 recommendations. I list them below. I'm in the process of making my way through some of them now on kindle - one hand reading is a godsend when you've a hungry baby in the other paw. I'm putting an X against the ones I've already read so if there's any of the others that ye really think I should give a miss to - please let me know...

From Herring Mankel's crime novels I picked a prequel - a collection of short stories, it was funny to find two of the baddies committed suicide at crucial moments to finish off the story, save the hero and solve the crime all in one, so may have been as well off without that one... Anyway - comments welcome, as always, in the comment section. :-)

Marion Coy's List
1. Mark Dote/ Dauchet - Atlantis - poetry book
2. Lorna Sage - Bad Blood - memoir X
3. Pat Barker - Regeneration - story of war hospital in scotland
4. Philip Roth - The Plot against America - Thriller - what if
5. CP Snow - The Masters - 40s/ 50s american science scene.
6. Albert Camus - The Plague - Rats in Algeria X
7. Doris Lessing - The making of the representative for planet 8 - sci fi
8. Hering Mankels - Crime novels set between sweden and africa X
9. Joan Didien - A year of Magical Thinking - story of mourning
10 Raymond Carver - A new path to the waterfall- poetry

Fintan O Tooles
Collected poems of johnathon swift
Thomas Lynch - the undertaking
Wislava Simborsca - polish poetry
Primo Levi - The drowned and the saved X
Marcel Proust - The prisoner, The fugitive - 2 books
Alistir McCloud - No great mischief
Jeff Torrington - Swing Hammer Swing - bag of bees imagery
Charles Nicol - the reckoning
Elizabeth Bishop's poetry.

You know there's a new baby in the house when

2011-07-07T09:04:00.000-07:00

1 Your once beloved and regular blog becomes severely neglected, comments even taking several days to respond to

2 Laundry is now a daily occurance

3 (Related to 2) You no longer have the biggest collection of clothing in the house

4 You take an hour to pack for going out to the shop for milk

5 You don't know how it got to be Thursday again

6 You really enjoy the projected stars and moons on the ceiling and the lullaby music that goes with it

7 Music takes on a new meaning "A change will do you good" refers to nappies, "I got a feeling that tonight's going to be a good night" means that you believe you might have more than 1 hour sleep at a time

8 You have hundreds of visitors

9 Strangers smile at you when you're out, but they're not really smiling at you

10 Yoghurt gets in your hair and it makes absolutely no difference

Happy Thursday everyone!

The Curious incident

2011-07-02T02:40:00.000-07:00

So, baby only wakes twice at night, which is pretty good going, but each time spends between 1 and 4 hours awake, he's the creative type, experimenting with time, challenging the accepted norms of what we treat as daytime, and how we conventionally behave at night...

Anyway, during on of these wakenings in recent nights i took a sip from the pint glass of water beside the bed (a pint glass that used to be present for very different purposes, staving off hangovers etc) Terrifyingly, I felt between my lips - along with the refreshing liquid - something small, hard, and definitely unwaterlike. I hadn't been awake enough on picking up the glass to know for sure what was in it, so I spat - only to find a sad little "dead of natural causes" earwig sinking to the base.

When Mr VC awoke in the morning I told him of my ordeal, holding up the glass itself for proof if proof were needed

"This earwig was in my mouth last night" I said

"Wouldn't that be a mouthwig then?" he asked

Would it be so wrong?

2011-06-21T06:43:00.000-07:00

Theoretically speaking, if one had responsibility for a nearly three week old mini person, and say after three weeks you get to register their birth, and as part of this process one has to decide on the person's nomenclature, and say if one hadn't picked out a middle name yet... would it be really bad to put down the word "Danger" on that space on the green form?

Just so he could impress the chicks in years to come with the line "Danger's my middle name" while they try and talk him out of some daring, but brave and exciting venture...? Surely he'd thank us?

The Worst Boss

2011-06-17T00:44:00.001-07:00

Very hard to follow up that last post, but anyway - here is baby cushion's first appearance on the internet in photographical form...

How is he getting on, I hear you ask...

Well - he has settled right in. The dog has, after numerous talks and demonstrations, accepted that he is not actually a kitten, despite sounding and looking quite a bit like one.

Having a newborn in the house is kind of like having the worst boss ever - you have this person in charge who wants things done urgently, but can't tell you what it is they want, but they will get unreasonably angry if it's not done fast. They can't be reasoned with, you can't be prepared for their demands and they won't give you a decision to save their lives. Ah to be fair it's always food with him - he always just wants food - so it's not that much of a guessing game, more a "how long can we distract him from wanting food before we give it to him, so that he mightn't fall asleep in the first five seconds of eating" game.

Other big news - the proud mammy gushness hasn't worn off yet - he's actually able to flip himself onto his back from his stomach already, imagine... if there was an olympics for babies my little fella would rule the under 4 weeks category. Sure look at him waving at the camera on his leaving the hospital, that was when he was 2 days old, he can almost do Riverdance at this stage.

No other news really - watching alot of day time tv while waiting for my strength to return - have seen a couple of episodes of Fair City twice because the remote control was too far away, and when you're under a sleeping baby with a sleeping dog at your feet - you let them lie...

Making an Entrance

2011-06-07T01:58:00.000-07:00

Well the newest arrival at Various Cushions Towers is settling in happily. This day last week I spent getting to know the hospital staircase exceedingly well, climbing up and down them during "early" labour - apparently it speeds things up - so the midwives kept telling me, and if I hadn't done that I might be there yet, because he took his sweet time (a full 24 hours) getting to the stage where they'd let me in to the labour suite for the "2nd Stage" of labour. (On second thoughts now I'm beginning to think they just told me to walk around alot in order to get me out of their ward, pestering them for my next hit of paracetomol - yes early labour is blessed with very little in the line of pain killer options)
Anyway - the next bit passed a good bit quicker, with the help of gas, air and the magical epidural, but ended with some high drama getting rushed to Theatre, (and not to see a play) for a hurried help out - luckily not a section (after 31 hours total - that would have sucked). There were some funny moments - with the midwife saying "Are you sure now you want an epidural or do you want to have a nice cup of tea and think about it?" - such a Father Ted moment, when I replied "Ah no thanks, I'll just have the epidural" and later at the very end when he finally arrived safe and sound and I was squeezing Mr VC's hand lovingly on the operating table, only to turn and find a very nice late middle aged anaesthologist trying to tactfully get rid of my attentions and get on with his job.
The baby is fantastic, and contrary to my not wanting to be a stereotypical gushing mother, I have to tell you - he is without doubt the cutest, most perfect, smartest, best sleeper, all round most fantastic and magical creature that ever breathed.
I'll get a pic up some time in the next month - am ridiculously tired and helpless here.
Oh - and his name is Micheál.
xxx

Ah but seriously

2011-05-30T12:21:00.000-07:00

I'm worried that I'm boring you dear reader(s) lately with all the talk of pregnancy, due dates etc, but it really is beyond a joke, the other day I quite seriously considered joining the Labour party in hopes that might do something. 8 days late. Myself and Mr VC are hardly ever late for stuff and things, so I don't know where the child is getting this tardy streak, but it seems it's quite cosy and relaxed where it is. The latest plan is that if there's no sign of action by this Thursday, then we'll be taking the law into our own hands - with the help of our friendly medical professionals.

Anyway - thought I'd take this moment to share some few of the memorable learnings and fascinating facts from the journey thus far...

No 1. Nature's mean - ok, I know we knew that from the David Attenborough videos, but at 4 months pregnant, a woman's centre of gravity changes, making women lose their balance more easily, this will cause them to slip and fall on ice wherever ice is available, (sometimes assisted by local snowball throwing hooligans or equally hooliganistic dogs pulling overly hard at their leads with their stupid big claw feet that mean they themselves have the balance of a Vermeer painting subject).

No 2. Pregnancy Vocab sucks - I hate the phrases used throughout pregnancy, maybe it's a lurking prudishness, but I really strongly dislike some of the words and phrases used around and about the inner workings of your body - ie the baby dropping, having a show, losing your plug, getting a sweep, etc etc - yuckity yuck and ick. Oh and there's also a thing called a Bishop's score system that tells you when you're ready to "pop" (- another favourite non favourite phrase right there) - would love to know where they came up with that name.

No3. Maternity clothes rule - they are the most draught excluding clothing known to man, you get jeans with a big panel that goes way up, and tops that go way down - not a sliver of skin will be exposed to a puff of wind - ever! I think I'll be continuing to wear them well into my PostPartum-ness (there's another bit o' the aul lingo)

There was plenty more, but y'know 3 is a good number to finish on... and I'm tired anyways...

Iron

2011-05-28T04:56:00.000-07:00

To truly test sod's law - or Murphy's Law as I should perhaps have been calling it, yesterday I donned my favourite light white linen summer dress, with an undercoating of best and worst possible underclothing. I then removed the hospital bag from the car, siphoned off most of the diesel, took my mobile phone and place it carefully in the middle of the front garden before driving off without it in a direction I've never driven before with a buttered slice of toast precariously placed on the dash board.

Still no news.

We did go to a play last night in "The Complex" in Smithfield, a NAMA property rescued by Complex Productions limited, it's basically a big shed with white cardboard walls dividing it up into rooms, and proves too that creative people don't need money (except for the poetry bus - go fund it!!). The play was called Iron, and was set within the bounds of an Irish prison, where Josie arrives to meet her mother after they've been separated by 16 years of her mother's incarceration for murdering her dad. We watch them getting to know each other again through the visits, and get an insight into the realities of prison life. There is some brilliant acting throughout and really great writing too. The whole thing lasted 3 hours but felt a lot shorter. It was perfectly set in the cold cement pillars and stone work of the venue as well. It finishes up tonight, and I can heartily endorse the idea of your attending, if the mood so takes you...

Sods law doesn't apply

2011-05-27T01:23:00.000-07:00

I thought being alone, in the city centre, of an evening, and especially going into fancy soft furnishing shops, would surely lead to some kind of dramatic development, but yesterday evening proved me wrong, and that sods law doesn't always apply. I managed to get up and down the stairs in Avoca Handweavers (well known as the worst place in the universe to go into labour since you'd have to pay for all the hot towels and kettles used) without any excitement of any kind.

After that it was over to the cobbles of trinity, and the Samuel Beckett theatre where I had the treat of seeing Kevin Barry and John Butler showing a short film they had collaborated on and then reading from their first novels.

Kevin is a great performer, he knows it too. With mischievious charm and one foot thrown back at the podium he acts his way through the reading, bringing his already rich words even further to life. City of Bohane is based in the city of Bohane, and he read from it in a Bohane accent. The language of the book is a unique patois mixing cork and limerick accents (rubber bandits how are ye) and the book itself seems to revolve around feuding families, violent action and very nice costumes. It was hard to get into it in the 15 minutes that he read for, but Kevin promises great rewards in the interview afterwards, saying he was inspired by "The Wire" and shows like that which are, in turn, structured similarly to 19th Century Russian novels - with alot of work early on, getting to know a wide cast and world and therefore greater returns because "you feel like you've had to earn it" - it seems he's happy for the book to be a lean to rather than a lean back kind of thing, and is already working on the screenplay, drawing the costumes etc.

John's first novel is called The Tenderloin and was just launched last night. The day job for him is film work, directing short films, and before that he worked in IT in San Francisco, during the IT boom. This is where the inspiration for his book arises, although he had originally planned it to be a straight memoir - it was pointed out to him that nothing terrible had happened him, and he wasn't terribly famous - he found fictionalising the whole experience was even more fun. (Kevin told us that John once said to him actors were like "the best toys ever" - this is a guy who likes to have fun). The book got alot of laughs from the audience as he read, and his impression of a big boss giving a speech at a staff BBQ was brilliant. I'd say this is well worth watching out for and it'll be firmly on my wishlist - and one that I'll be pushing for a read in the book club.

The whole evening was fun and inspiring, and I took particular courage from the revelation that most people "Tool around" for a decade before really getting disciplined and getting to work (so what if my decade takes a little longer than most)... A very motivational way to spend a Thursday.

Trashy Thrillers & Margarine

2011-05-26T06:35:00.000-07:00

I'm reading Ultimatum just now. 3 quarters of the way through - it claims on the luminous orange cover to be gripping, smart and a persuasive thriller. So far it's been nothing but political meetings and speeches. No action whatsoever. Not that I'm looking for action exclusively, but a little might be no harm. Maybe they put the wrong book inside the cover and somewhere someone is reading something genuinely gripping when they were really only wanting something brainless and slow paced to while away the hours.

In other news - this is the closest thing to a stork sighted anywhere near the Various Cushions environs, so I am busy making hundreds of plans for the weekend - and round here the weekend starts on a Thursday... watch out world!!

Entertaining Strangers

2011-05-25T07:25:00.001-07:00

See it worked so well yesterday, having the plumber over - he was such a good distraction from other things in life... that we thought we'd invite another stranger to our humble abode - this time an estate agent, and why not indeed. We are planning to rent our Dubland Den in the coming months - since we have, as yet, failed to find one million dollars (pinkie finger at corner of mouth) down the back of the sofa, and will need to rent a place of our own on our return to Corkland (house guests are well and good, but screaming crying helpless ones tend to warrant their own space).

So - an estate agent it had to be. Ladies and Gentlemen, he let us down with a bang. He called in and despite wearing the usual smarmy suit complete with hair molded off a Ken doll and pointy shoes, he was perfectly nice.

I was waiting, watching, notebook actually in hand, hoping for him to do something obnoxious, say something mean or be overly schmoozy and enthused, but as he picked his way through the dog toys on the floor, and talked myself and Mr VC through what we need to do to get it rent ready, I found nothing to not like. He seemed like a nice human being. Is it the hormones? Could it be that we've met a fictional character? a Unicorn? am I about to wake up in the shower in a Dallas moment, where the last year never actually happened?! a nice estate agent... imagine.

Any other suggestions for interesting strangers we should have in our house will be seriously considered...

Also if anyone wants to rent an artist's retreat in Dubland, holes in the garden, toilet fully functional and not leaking through the kitchen ceiling... do let me know

Plumbers can't hear my voice

2011-05-24T06:03:00.000-07:00

It's strange but true.

We had one in our house today... a plumber I mean. I was being all enthusiastic, taking an interest in what we should or shouldn't do to our toilet in order to get it to stop slowly leaking all over the bathroom floor and seeping through the kitchen ceiling, being a responsible citizen and all. And maybe it was the way I said the word "Ball-cock" that made him take offence, especially from a lady of my current stature and medical condition... but he actually couldn't physically hear a word that I said, and consequently didn't answer any of the many intelligent and probing plumbing related questions that I fired in his direction.

Luckily the deafness extended to my maniacal laughter when comment after question met the same non response... I've left Mr VC to "sort him out" - and by that I mean pay him loads of money for coming to our house and treating us like something he stood in, it's a much sought after service in some circles you know.

D-day

2011-05-22T02:19:00.001-07:00

Today is D-day... here's a little poem of instruction for the little mite, for whenever it might make it's appearance.

Those of you who've read my latest post will get some of the references more than than others. WARNING: SMUSHY ALERT!!!

Listen up

The longest wait

Is almost at an end

You, squirmy home-grown friend

are near ready to descend

Shiny plastic stuff we’ve bought

And soft things for newest skin

Pastel things for swaddling in

When elastic sleep is caught

A starling chick on beaded grass

Distracted yesterday

A while of trials enacted

Rang back to something like ok

Candy sweet in flashing darkness

With a Chemical Brothers beat

You dancing in your seat

Kick at ribs with tiny feet

Meeting you will be a moment

But before that there’s a bit

Of uncertain flight to flit

Let’s keep close and safe through it

Long Grass and Hanna

2011-05-20T09:20:00.000-07:00

The down side of having long grass is that teeny tiny downy little baby birds can get trapped in it and you feel all responsible, especially when you're empathising with the parents who are trying to feed their starving starling chick, and by then it's surely too late to get the lawnmower out - twould only make things worse, and your dog is forced into the indignity of performing toilet duties whilst on a leash.

Went to see the film Hanna last night. I have decided only to go to see films that the Chemical Brothers have done the soundtrack for from now on. Bloody, but brilliant (and not actually that bloody - you got good warning when to look away - ie whenever anyone held something fairly pointy aloft - twas time to examine the popcorn bucket)

And an extra bonus point not included in the title but which you, lucky persistent reader get to read as your reward for reading this far... (reading rewarded with more reading? how could that possibly work)... I feel like someone who has PO'd a school bully, and the bully has promised to beat me up this Sunday, but they may or may not hold true to the timing, and it may hurt more than anything has ever hurt before, or it may turn out that the bully is a wooss and I barely feel a thing. There are drugs I can take to make it more bearable too, but they may or may not work, and might or mightn't be available if and when I decide I want em. Nothing is definite, all that's for sure is something will happen in the next few weeks, if the world doesn't end tomorrow.

I'm a bit of a control freak y'know, even though I don't seem that way sometimes, I am... so that's making all this extra extra nerve-grating-licious - and no - the control freakery hasn't yet resulted in nesting (unless you count trying to save the baby bird out the back)

So anyway

2011-05-19T00:55:00.000-07:00

So just in case the last post's lawn picture misled anyone into thinking that we have found a lawn mower that works I thought I better confess with the above update pic taken less than 3 minutes ago - it also shows that the dog too is not immune to the ravages of time and has definitely got a little greyer in the year that's passed. (and ably demonstrates how a messy lawn can lead to a tidier looking garden overall - since you can no longer see the holes she has dug - having said that - it also makes you more likely to break an ankle if you attempt to negotiate around it - there's plusses and minusses to everything)

A close up of Doggy's messy do - maybe I should take the shears to her? Internet voting time - leave a comment if you think I should tidy up her eyebrows, ears etc... or not.

In other news, someone rang Joe Duffy this week to say they had applied for a 10 day turnaround passport 8 days ago and it still hadn't arrived and they were getting worried about it, even though it wasn't technically late... yet. I can't think of any parallels to that in my life right now, but if I do - then you can expect to hear me on the national airwaves, and not a minute before.

Sale on Luminous Jackets

2011-05-16T14:43:00.000-07:00

There must be someone doing a special offer. Them luminous yellow jackets are everywhere. I counted over 40 of them, worn by defenders of the laws of our land - lining the local roads earlier on this evening. I appreciate that there is a need to bolster security around the city with the important new arrival coming soon - and the mania and excitement that is sure to follow any new member of the cushions clan, but really - those poor feckeens, standing around in the rain, looking like they're ready to re-enact that bit in Lord of the Rings with the fires on the hills, except without the hills and the fires... really I can't help feeling it's slightly over the top.

Got my lipstick on

2011-05-14T11:49:00.001-07:00

Ok, not really, no lipstick on... but I am more than half hoping that Jedward do alright at the Eurovision tonight.

I went to the Eurovision once - the year Lordi won, wanted to see Athens anyway (she insists).

I might update this as the competition rolls on, right now I'm on the couch awaiting the beginning after a tough day wrestling with Saul Bellow...(Saul is seriously evil - I read and read for hours and still feel no closer to the world of the book, and yet there's something there pulling me on through it) the sun is shining in Lucan.

First ad break - and the light is beginning to dull outside - in summary

Finland is an old sweety pie

Bosnia were bouncy, friendly wavy people

Denmark had a nice song, but the image didn't fit

Lithuania were looking for the deaf vote with sign language - interesting strategy

Hungary - mecentric song, light up clothes on backing singers is always good

Jedward did as well as could be expected, fingers and toes crossed for em

Sweden - a bit bland

Estonia - I like the song and the acting and boxes, can't go wrong

Greece - creepy deep voice, not great

Russia - creepy lyrics - "Put my mind in a dirty zone" - with light up clothes almost making up for it

France - slightly out of tune - dog was snoring

Italy - jazzy and cool - I enjoyed it - woke up the dog with the trumpet

Ad Break - for about 10 seconds, deep breath, back into it

Switzerland - bouncy happy disney background and smiley singing

UK The band Blue flash up fleshy nudey shoulder upwards pics of themselves that make me kinda wish they hadn't

Moldova - funny hats, funky laughing going on, definite circus atmosphere, not bad at all

Germany - cool and sexy, a little bjorky - Lena has a good chance of winning back the title with her alien friends

Romania - change the world - cheesey grinny pop, have to say Finland's world saving ballad convinced me alot more.

Austria - quiet song that builds a bit but ultimately choiry and slack (ooh I'm getting tougher as the night wears on)

Azerbaijan - very sticky song - understandable that it's a favourite. Mam says she's sewn into the dress.

Slovenia - a leathery slinky song - not brilliant by any means

Only 5 more songs to go!!

Iceland can't wait till tomorrow - well at least that'll mean the song will be over - bland pop

Spain - pink bridesmaid dress, chirpy - no marcarena though

Ukraine - sand picture and goldy feathers - me love - so transfixed by the performance I can't hear the song tho.

Serbia - 60's happy chirpy song - v strong effort - colourful tights

One last song - at this rate I'd be happy to see Jedward get into the top 10 - very high standard

Georgia - heavy metalic, with a quirky dress... not threatened by them.

So now - time to relax till the votes start rolling in... and see how wrong my instincts/ judgements are (call them what you will)

And the votes are rolling in - neighbours are voting for neighbours - the usual yawn... funny that the audience are absolutely hating it tho - I predict a riot!!

Even Marty has given up hope. Yerrah, they did well, with all the pally votes we're lucky we broke 100 points really!

Stuff and Things

2011-05-11T00:47:00.000-07:00

I am trying to read Herzog at the moment. It has some true gems in there, but is very dense and the book itself keeps getting lost every five minutes, making progress difficult.

In other things cultural, watched "Le Bonheur" and "Mighty Aphrodite" over the last few days - both films with very different takes on life and love, both worth a look. Be prepared for huge escapism in both, some serious laughs, and in the former - one of the best head wrecks seen in ages...

In still other things cultural - Finland was my favourite in the Eurovision last night. It was tough to miss out on fair city for the evening, but singy cheese tops soapy cheese in my house.

I'm still a week and a half away from the estimated arrival date, so no panic there and have done a bit of sorting out of things so that we can impress new family member with our ruthless organisation and cool efficiency. Ordered a slingy thing too on the internet last night (so that I can get on with watching films, blogging and reading while still being a good parent) and it arrived two hours later - powerful service here.

Have noticed that drivers are more aggressive in the capital tho - something I hadn't really copped before - they are impatient, not that it's me they're beeping, but it's true that once people are inside their tin boxes on wheels they stop seeing other people as people - well at least you would hope most of them when walking up a busy path wouldn't scream at someone who was going slightly slower than them to get out of their way.

Returning in May

2011-05-09T00:56:00.000-07:00

So now we're back. Dubland is a nice place to return to in May. We've a blue flowered tree in the garden that goes mad to welcome us. The rest of the so called "lawn" laughs at the very thought of a mower, it safely murdered our last one in 2010, and has no fears of reprisal almost a full year later. The dog is still trying to relocate the craters that she had worked so hard to create in the landscape, now they've completely grown over.

Finished for maternity leave on Friday, got a lovely bunch of flowers and a card that says "Sorry you're leaving" - hope they realise I plan to come back! They won't get rid of me that easy.

I haven't got my head around the new poetry jam type thing yet, but maybe in another few weeks... tisn't a big loss for the jam as I've been writing very little, ok nothing, of late, not even the blog - the observant among you may have noticed.

Today we're going to try and find something with wheels to move a mini cushion around in, as well as something for the newbie to sleep in (having finally agreed the fish's aquarium will not do - the fish are staying in their holiday home type bowl in Cork for the Summer, for a change)

Whoever hasn't seen the following video hasn't lived...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5XSkstqN2T0

They're from the same part of Cork that we're gradually making into our new home. Mr VC even saw them live during our stay down there, in fact he was paid to see them, as they were doing a gig at the school he was subbing at... anyway - I'll leave on that high point, and hopefully it won't take me another week to get back online!

I miss the bus today

2011-05-01T13:08:00.000-07:00

So,

there's only 4 working days left, and then there's an upheaval of packing and moving back to Dubland where, it is planned in another 20 odd days or so, a new human being will be arriving into the air, from the water, and then myself and Mr VC and the dog have a few months to get it all trained in to how life in our fambley works before a routine has to be established (Routine seems to be like a drug for babies - it's all any of the experts go on about on the interwebness).

I'm working on a contract just now, to be signed by junior no later than 24 hours into life, to help us evade all the pitfalls of parenthood and to be clear from the beginning on what is expected from everyone - this should avoid all confusion... Some of the clauses will include:

I will only release waste material while wearing the correct protective clothing or using the proper equipment.

I will sleep when management indicate the timing is appropriate for such activity by their turning down of lighting or closing of curtains.

I will cry only when salesmen and other undesirables call to the front door, and will cease wailing when they have been scared away.

I will not get gromits....

or wallaces or colic or cauliflower.

I will try to be especially quiet during Fair City.

I will giggle whenever anyone needs cheering up.

I will not spit or otherwise expel anything solid or liquid through my mouth, (or nose or ears).

In return for the above - management will provide me with a place to live and their best interpretation of moral support for the next 18 years.

Signed________________ etc

Anyway - there's more work to be done on it, but still a bit of time for that.... any clauses you'd recommend I should add?

Yes - I really miss the bus today, even though I haven't been writing much...

What goes where

2011-04-26T11:55:00.001-07:00

I must warn you that I hold (well I don't hold it all the time, in fact, can't recall exactly where it is this minute, but you catch my drift) an honours degree in biochemistry, during part of which I studied metabolism, metamorphosis, the krebs cycle, lots of other types of bikes and many of the myths and mysteries of the body (and possibly developed my slight distaste for all things factual), so some of the following might be a bit technical for you to digest... but I will try to explain.

I have been thinking about this growing new people business, and realising that the acrobat with the hilarious sense of humour and timing who is responsible for the jellyish actions of my belly (and merciless prodding of my kidney) in recent days has been constructed from a putting together of all the things I've been eating over the past nine months. So, what has gone where?

Well - it's obvious that tortilla chips are used to fashion the inner curve of the nostrils, apple drops most likely make the eyes, and marshmallows are used for that smoothness found in baby skin. Hot cross buns are needed for the rib cage as well as the buns, brocolli gives the brain it's texture, toast, I need hardly tell you, goes towards the toes. Bananas are found useful in making the forehead. Islets of Langerhorns require anything from Cork, be it Barry's tea or anything else grown locally. Oranges and strawberrys are mixed to make the pink for the lips. And crustaceans are recommended to be avoided during this time as they will encourage shelfishness, not good when you're hoping for a decent old folks home. I have, of course, been careful to eat plenty of meringue to give the child the best possible bone structure, as well as loads of sausages which are re-used in making enough intestines to stretch around the moon three times, (not sure that this will ever be an applicable skill, but good to know the potential will be there)

Is there anything crucial that I'm missing from my diet that I need to ensure and get in there to put towards the newly designed person - while there's still time? Feel free to advise...

NanU's excessive bus

2011-04-24T12:18:00.000-07:00

Having no energy to buy a fresh ticket for the bus I'm trying to wangle my way on with an old stub - one from yonks ago about the very opposite of excess... hope you.... er... enjoy?!

Better poems as always here...

Jars inside her head

Looks like a clothes hanger,

A fashion drapes below her bored

Face, shiny as a hook

Afraid of food - baked grass, pigs ass

The mood, the look of it, the thought of eating jars inside her head

And though she knows by logic – it’s either eat the dead

Plants and animals – beat or join em

It’s so messy, dirty, cruel

She sees the working casual jaws of those around

They’re like machines for mess,

Blunt tools keep chomping on the detritus bought in shops

Or restaurants

She can’t imagine taking in

And carrying found things in her gut

Letting slip down her throat

Into her mouth

Past her teeth

and

Further on

That stuff

(am stuffing myself with easter eggs as I post this by the way for anyone concerned about life imitating art imitating life or anything)

Time Saving Tips for Busy Livers

2011-04-22T15:39:00.001-07:00

1. Sleep on your side, your left hand side if you have one. Do not turn during the night. This will ensure that the attractive phenomenon of sleep drool will only happen in one direction - therefore leaving you with just one side of your face to rinse off before you appear before your public. It will also incidentally help with your liver function, and reduce the chances of heartburn weirdly - since we're all asymmetric, and the way all the tubes line up sleeping on your left helps you avoid fluid retention etc etc as well - the things you learn.

2. Leave curtains open all the time.

3. Shower in your underwear, then run to get dry - this also helps build up fitness levels and tolerance to embarrassment. (also known as embarrassment tolerance)

4. Memorize the contents of your GPS system - this will save you having to charge it up and plug it in.

5. Keep big wads of cash sellotaped all over your body - this will help you avoid tiresome queues at ATMs, help you bribe your way to the top of the nightclub and chipper queue and will speed up all sorts of transactions in theory.

6. Only read the most helpful blogs and never comment on them.

Lazing on a sunny afternoon

2011-04-20T11:19:00.001-07:00

But what does it mean? I always thought I was doing ok with this self expression stuff, having mastered the rudiments of the English language quite a few years back (not meaning to boast, but I did win a highly commended prize in a newspaper competition for a short story about a gorilla at the age of 6)... however it turns out I don't know the difference between the Afternoon and the Evening.

I see Afternoon as 12.00 midday to about 1pm - it's kind of like after eight chocolates with me, that get consumed as quickly as possibly, but I will easily refer to anything that happens after 1pm as something to be regarded as taking place in the Evening.

Is this why I go to bed so early? As I start my evening's so early that I'm bound to run out sooner than most? What could be the explanation for this ruthless efficiency that I seem to display in getting through the Afternoon so fast? Or could I just be calling it wrong? and if so could I be wrong in other areas...? Surely not.

Le weekend

2011-04-17T12:04:00.000-07:00

We started off with very few plans for the weekend, - go to a hotel, not too far away, chill out and read books.

We booked to go to Dungarvan, cos it's near the gaeltacht, and we wanted to connect with our roots, "do something Iiirish" etc, turned out there was a big mad food festival on.... Lucky ducks, us.

We went to a variety concert on the first evening in Sean Phobhail - so called cos it's the oldest parish in the country - even older than wherever St Patrick went first. There was everything from 20 Piano accordians, to excerpts from Angela's ashes, to the local version of Stephen James Smith doin poems on Waterford hurling with every bit as much passion, then lovely girls doing Irish dancing. The hero of the night was a high cheek boned crooner who kept the mic stuck to his chin in memory of times when mics had to be stuck to your chin, and sang songs of loss and longing -

the climax being a song called Never grow old... which he bullied everyone (including those who had already grown old) to join in and sing along with... click here for the full effect. but fast forward a bit - t

here's talking at the start...

Saturday we saw a taispeánteas cócaireachta (cooking demo) in the same village hall, man cooks four different types of fish, twas just like tv, but bilingual, and with smells and free food at the end. Naoise O Cathaoisaigh was an entertaining host.

We then called out to Joan Clancy, a lovely woman (and another part of the jigsaw that seems to indicate that all Joan's are lovely). She took us on a tour of her eclectic art gallery - well worth a visit if you ever manage to be in the area, for her warm introductions to everything alone.

Then back to D(F)ungarvan for a bit of a look at another art gallery, where it was advertised you could paint your own watercolor - twas all taken over by kids though (darn kids!!), so we didn't get a look in. After that it was time to see the Watercats, playing their first gig of the festival. I managed to chat to Vicky for a little bit before they started up, but they were having technical challenges and sorting it out like mad things, so we let them worry about that and just found ourselves some seats in the crowded beer garden. It was mad, they were exactly as they are on the blog, Vicky and the Ron, and they exude a great confidence and sense of fun.

It was really lovely to hear a few of the songs that I'd know well from the album, and I got to practice again my legendary photography skills - (the enigmatic Ron faces away from the camera).

We also managed to squeeze in some swimming, walking, ice-cream eating, reading, squeezing, farmers marketing, smelling nice smells, stopping at book shops - so not a bad old weekend for one we barely planned at all.

Bursting on the Bus

2011-04-14T13:43:00.000-07:00

NanU's task this week was to write about bursting, exploding, restarting,getting it in gear, waking up, all in keeping with Spring time and the lively time of year that we find ourselves in...

She had me at "bursting"

I know I'm mad early too, but y'see I'm officially going on my holidays this weekend, 2 nights escape where hubby and I plan to pamper ourselves almost to weakness, before our lives get taken over by pampers and the like...

This following poem formed part of the 4 or 5 that I shakily read out at my first ever ever poetry reading... written in response to a 10 year old ad campaign "Sprite - obey your thirst" - It's funny that I've a chance to put it out here, as I did remember it for some reason quite recently... I cannot pass a chance to use a loo nowadays, by the way, loos are like my new bookshops...

Anyway - for proper springy and inspiring poems you can go over here

For a completely couth-less interpretation, read on - no pictorial representation will be made available to accompany this poem

Obey Your Bladder

Sitting on a floor, that is pelvic in variety -

Hollow, Elastic, a muscular deity,

Exploding Bladders are on the rise,

Away from bones in high womb skies.

Your Thirst, by contrast, no more than a kid,

Obey Your Bladder! You’ll be glad you did.

More mysteries of life

2011-04-12T12:28:00.000-07:00

Life with a big L - the beginnings of life, the wonders of the universe... here are some questions to which I need urgent answers.

1. How deep is my belly button?

I have been expanding at an alarming rate in recent times and must be at least twice my normal depth from belly to spine, and yet - the end of the belly button has still not been sighted. I'm beginning to wonder whether it in fact it might just run all the way through, a belly tunnel, running perpendicular to the alimentary canal... I mean I've never tried to shine a torch through it, so I can't confirm it for definite, but perhaps I will some day soon.

2. Who should I believe on Parenting?

Ooooonagh Montague says in the paper at the weekend that "Nobody tells you how boring motherhood can be" J Lo says in a magazine in the local, and now famous, car fixing up establishment that parenting is her biggest and most satisfying role to date. Daniel Gilbert in Stumbling on Happiness says that people with kids are actually less happy than those without, but they have very effective self brainwashing methods that allow them to convince themselves that it's the best thing that ever happened.

3. Will I ever be tidy again?

This time of my life - the last few months, has been the only time that many many people have said to me "You're very tidy" - if you saw my desk, my room, my hair on non work days, my car, you would realise that they are not referring to my skills in organising items into well defined places, no - they're referring to the bump, which is tidy, and loudly complimented as such - I wonder if they'd have said anything if it was untidy? Your bump needs a bit of an overhaul - the ribs could do with stacking more tidily and why don't you clear out the belly button...

4. What would MacGuyver do?

I feel like preparing for sleep is a MacGuyver-esque exercise now, with all the pillows (and yes various cushions) that need to come together in the perfect alignment for comfort to be even a remote possibility.

Anyway - wise and brilliant blog readers, I know you'll have the answers between ye - feel free to add any additional questions too, and I'll do me best.

Bug's driving a crooked line

2011-04-10T03:26:00.000-07:00

This week Bug is taking the wheel again, and this week her challenge was to write a poem starting with the line "I am a crooked line"

I must admit I cringed a tiny bit when I saw the task, feeling that I wouldn't do well, the crooked sixpence poem ringing loud in my head - but I dove in anyhoo - and below is the result - you'll find far crooked-er lines and better poems on the bus over here...

The Line

I am a crooked line

running through a life

making time

stretch or tumble

explosions of fine

delights or depths

of sadness defined

I follow my instinct

stumble on crimes

of passion or boredom

or closing of blinds

releasing the afternoon sun

from a kind

of duty to be there

weakened old shine

relieved to slink off

leaving grims to their grime

while I rise and I fall

or I slip to the side

life follows me, stupid

with wanting to mind

to live for one moment

feeling something divine

unaware it’ll keep -

keeping on with the line

that’ll never run straight

and gets home just in time

By the way, I wanted to apologise to recent drivers for my lack of letting them know I had bought a ticket - I noticed one week that Peter G did the same one week when he knew he wouldn't make it around to visit all the other passengers, and I felt I should do the same since I don't have the same time in blogland that I used to have... but anyway, there's my excuse - not notifying the driver makes me feel less guilty for not calling round to everyone - but I do still appreciate your comments and try to make it back for return visits to anyone who does call over...

Car Rant - a love letter to Nigel

2011-04-09T02:16:00.000-07:00

I wrote a poem a couple of weeks back about feeling a bit "done" in car maintenance related situations, the event in question was tyre replacement where I was triumphantly sold 3 tyres, having been told by another local expert that I need 2. Anyway....

I have learned that if you find a special car mechanic, who you trust, and who gives you information, good service, efficiency and never leaves things unplugged in your car - you should probably stick with him, marry him if you can, or else move in next door.

Here is my experience with garages since moving south:

1. I booked my car for a service and pre NCT check.

Arrived with the car, talked through what was to be done - was told come back at 1pm, left them my mobile no in case there was any change in plan, arrived back at 1pm, and was told it was not ready, but I could wait - Oh joy! in a room with gloss-less magazines and a crappy heater. Was charged 76 euro - they didn't fix my wipers, couldn't figure it out, but thought the car should still pass the NCT, also didn't do a full service, and I only had to wait 45 mins later than the time they had promised.

Left in a huff.

2. Went to get the 2 tyres they had said I should get, was sold 3, as one was bald.

3. Failed NCT because of wipers.

4. Booked in with another garage - again asked for a full service (as I still needed one) and the wipers to be fixed. They called to say the car was ready, wipers weren't fully fixed, the receptionist who called me told me that she wasn't sure exactly what the story was but I could come pick up the car anyway. They said they needed a new part for the wipers and would call when they got it. The guy returning the car said he didn't know there was supposed to be a service, so they hadn't done a service - they'd do one next week.

5. Discovered the next day that the wipers were now not working AT ALL. They had somehow completely turned them off, where they had been sometimes going too often - now they were dead.

6. Dropped car back for the immediate problem of the wipers to be turned back on, which they did, along with a full service, still waiting for the part for the wipers to come in though - I was to ring them later in the week to see when they got it.

7. Power in the car was lower after the service, acceleration much slower.

8. Called the garage and left a voicemail, they called back (2 days later) to say they now had the part (once again Oh Joy!) and I could call in any time for the wiper to be fixed. I booked in with them to call in this morning.

9. Called in this morning - no part, the man there didn't know anything about it. I said to him about the acceleration and we opened the bonnet, and found another thing unplugged in the engine, that should've been plugged in. Then we got hold of the owner again on the phone (the man who had got the receptionist to ring me to tell me the part was there) and he told us that the part he had got was the wrong part. The part place is closed, they may or may not manage to get a part today and get the wipers fixed.

I'm worried that if I go back in to get the wipers fixed they will accidentally cut the brakes or something...

Nigel, my lovely Dublin mechanic, I will come back to you, I'm sorry I ever strayed, I'll never even look at another garage again if you'll only forgive me. Please say you'll take me back...

Drawing Cheats

2011-04-07T12:17:00.000-07:00

I found another way to draw fancy schmancy things to wow ye all... so I thought I'd share

Sorry it came out kinda scary but....

Anyway - the site where you too can tell yourself you're a drawing genius is over here

Have loadsa fun folks!! I'll take my usual 10% when ye make gazillions.

Tuesday Night - a Review

2011-04-05T13:30:00.001-07:00

I was watching a bit of soccer the other night, and the dog was asleep on her bean bag, and she was dreaming of something interesting and started whining to herself and jogging her paws, there were other people in the room, saying things relevant and not, about the dog and the soccer and schizslovenia, but they have their privacy, so I can't divulge any more about that, so instead I'll tell you more about the dog - earlier on in the evening, she was asleep and was lying down upside down on the bean bag - her tongue hanging out, and her big front paw in her mouth (not that one is bigger than the other - they're about the same, but they're both pretty big) and she was doing a great impression of a scary fake dog, but then I didn't have a camera on me, and couldn't take a picture for you - but here's an idea I've just had - I'm going to do a picture of it... renewing my love affair with "paint" since muse's task the other week.

and someone scored another goal, and the goalie spat on the ground, and the people in the room talked about the keeper, and whether he could do much and whether he should have been closed down, as if he was a chip shop.

Someone else came in with news of the world of next door, and the dog got up for a minute to welcome the new arrival and collapsed into another snooze on the floor this time. The other people continue talking, but they are allowed privacy, so I can't tell you much about what they said, well anything they were saying in fact.

The dog woke up again after awhile and brought a chewy bone that she wanted to play with, so I decided to publish the darned review - unfinished tho it might be, and I will update it further tomorrow if anything remarkable occurs. Maybe I'll even make something up if nothing happens... and maybe I won't.

Titus's Animal Bus

2011-04-03T06:05:00.000-07:00

So Titus is driving this week and gave us a world of (or at least 8 of) the world's most fascinating creatures to choose from as our inspiration.

I went for the Archer fish, at Titus' suggestion - though I didn't manage another of my poems to dissuade on it, I found the creature very interesting having done a little research.

See here for a visual on this impressive hunter.

Then go here for more Animal poems

Then read on for my attempt

Marksman

Hard shelled dark crawlers

Spied from depths

A hunter gazing unseen

at all the scrabbling life

Unlikely victims firm in every foot

A silver spear of underworld

Is aimed to hit home hard

Knock off a lurching walk

Invertebrate, confused, inverted now

falls into smoothened mirrors

and gobbled quick by sulky looking silk

a greedy jaw stuck out in gluttony

The flashing fish performs

this trick and leaves

one more breath squeezed out

of air’s domain

Ever dreamt of Invigilating?

2011-03-31T10:45:00.000-07:00

Don't mess with the Invigilator... It'd be a kinda cool job title to have on the aul CV wouldn't it? No? Just me? Again?

Sometimes I need Invigilation - click here to see what I mean

## Volunteering Opportunity ##

Installation & Invigilation Volunteers

RUA RED, South Dublin’s flagship centre for the arts is seeking enthusiastic and committed volunteers to become part of its project team for the upcoming Year of Craft exhibition ‘Ornament’.

‘Ornament’ is a stunning exhibition of over 100 brooches, designed and made by over 30 of the finest contemporary studio jewellers in Ireland and the UK. The exhibition is curated by Angela O’Kelly and supported by the Crafts Council of Ireland as part of the Year of Craft.

RUA RED is seeking two teams of volunteers to assist with the smooth installation and successful run of this ambitious exhibition.

Installation Volunteers

This team of volunteers will assist the Technician and Curator with the handling and preparation of the work for installation. This will be intricate and delicate work.

Invigilation Volunteers

This team of volunteers will be the main point of contact for visitors to the gallery. You will be equipped with in-depth knowledge of the work to guide visitors. You will also be responsible for the safety of the work within the space.

In addition to gaining valuable experience in an arts environment, you will receive in-kind benefits in the form of access to our multi media and music rooms or vouchers for our cafe.

You should be able to commit to a minimum of a 4 hour shift between the hours of 9.30am – 6.30pm Monday to Saturday.

Applicants must be aged 16 or over.

How to Apply

Visit our website to download an application form and role description www.ruared.ie/volunteer.html or call reception on 01 451 5860 to request that an application pack be emailed to you.

Completed application should be returned to Fiona Ni Leime by post or email:

RUA RED, Civic Square, Tallaght, Dublin 24 or fnileime@ruared.ie

Closing Date

Closing date for applications is 5pm, Thursday 14^th April 2011.

An Chuid Shootings

2011-03-29T00:13:00.000-07:00

A bus driver from the gaeltacht once picked up Mr VC and told him that there were "An chuid Shootings" in Dublin - ie a lot of shootings, this while he drove away from the city at break neck speed, terrified of being caught in a random crossfire with his bus load of dublin teens bound for 3 weeks of Irish speaking in the West.

I was going to talk about how much more this seems to be so when we no longer live in the place and are just hearing about these incidents on the news, and therefore how a different perspective can completely change your, well, perspective... and then I realised how silly that would be,,, so decided against it.

Instead I thought you should all watch this and mail me your order for official south of Eire Air (guaranteed gunpowder free).

See more funny videos and TBT at Todays Big Thing.

Muse's Amusement

2011-03-27T08:22:00.000-07:00

This week again we had a choice of prompts to get us onto the Poetry Bus. I took the illustrative challenge.

I'm not overly excited with the result, am no expert when it comes to "paint" so found my effort less than inspiring, and it's a lot less than chirpy too... I'm sure there'll be far better tickets to be inspected over here though - so do make sure you call over.

Looking For Leon – A Rrrreview

2011-03-23T02:19:00.000-07:00

Amn’t I fancy, doing a review? I am sitting beside a copy of Looking for Leon, a book I would normally pass by in any shop, because we judge things by their covers, and the cover for this book is sparkly, with a big old shooting star, twinkling stars, twinkles on the edges of the title, a black skyline and author’s name in pink. And the by-line “What would you do to find the one that got away?” did nothing for me either. So why did I read it? I hear you ask.

Well, stoopid kindle face went down before I got to get onto my next book club book, it’s now forever trapped behind a splodge, at least until I can get it fixed up, so the nearest book to hand was in my hand within seconds. Shirley, the author, had sent me a nice email offering me a review copy too, and I rarely say no to free stuff, and have never been known to say no to a free book, so I said “Yes please, kind stranger” hoping she wouldn’t realise I don’t write for the New Yorker between seeing my response and getting to the post box.

So on with the review. I started to read, and my heart sank a little. I really didn’t like the protagonist, in fact – she made me a bit angry. One of her biggest complaints about a colleague was that he was one of those people who don’t care what anyone else thinks of him, something I fervently aspire to, so I took that personally maybe. There was also the fact that she lived in a totally alien world to me, where her modelling a bikini on Grafton street actually did something major for the sales of bananas, and she said things like “Leon was my spirit in another person. We were two halves of the same entity” when talking about a man she spent a few hours with in a casino hotel in Vegas – the catalyst for the whole adventure and her soul mate.

When I got to the bit on where she was about to lose him for the first time, I actually laughed out loud at some of the writing – where something inside the protagonist exploded in response to the man’s smile (sadly not her appendix), and then he lifted his hand up to hers, took it from his shoulder and to his mouth, where he kissed it so tenderly that she instantly felt like crying with the beauty of the moment... This all made me want to read on – I wanted to see if this would be a book that would be so bad it was good.

So we followed Andie, for that was her name, on her quest to find the man she’d loved and lost. The author had an unusual style, conversational and intimate with the reader, meandering a good bit, trying to make the most of the inner demons of her cast, never losing a chance to make a joke whether the scene was serious or not. (She also sometimes put her sub-points in brackets, which made me sometimes want to skip over them, thinking they mustn’t be that important and then I remembered that I often do that on this blog, and wondered if that is the way you readers feel about them too)(but then I stopped worrying about that because I wanted to keep on reading).

The adventure was kind of predictable, in a nice, satisfying, amn’t I the clever reader – I knew that was coming (ok there was one big thing I didn’t see coming, but you won’t know that if you don’t read what’s in the brackets, like me) kind of way. It was annoying and inconsistent in parts – one of our heroine’s major selling points later on is that she doesn’t care what anyone thinks of her. There’s a lot that annoyed me as a reader, but a few little gems too (a mention of Jim Morrison hearing her from his grave all the way away in Paris), and the book in the end I think, kept me looking forward to coming back because of the simplicity and artless style of storytelling – almost like getting regular emails from a slightly annoying younger sister who feels the need to constantly remind you how much she’s learning about life as she goes along, but you do end up caring about where she ends up, and always feel a little teensy bit excited opening it up for another gulp, even though you know it’s complete unreality and exaggeration.

So in summary, I enjoyed it. Shirley Benton’s debut is a bouncing labrador of a read that sometimes thinks it’s a poodle, and I would look forward to having a read of her next book.

The wheels on the bus go...

2011-03-20T04:27:00.000-07:00

This week Uisce's driving the bus, and has given us the job of heading out, at least a mile out, into the big bad world, find somewhere that you haven't been before and write about it.

Energy levels being what they are right now, I had to settle for the local tyre garage, who spell the word "Tyre" - "Tire" on their online ad. I should've known I wouldn't like em. (For poetry's sake of course I have over-dramatised and hyped the moment to the last)

People who've actually found somewhere really new and exciting to write from will be found over at Uisce's blog here.

Tires

What price did you give her?

I hear them discuss

Low man voices they

think I can’t make out

I sit beside a man

Who’ll be charged less

on a fake black leather

couch from someone’s house

The grease man has triumphant cheeks

Tells me the third tyre’s bald

and maybe I should walk

but I’m used to being a sucker

Too weak to fight it further

so I shrug and let him sell me

what he wants

His loss, I think

We could be friends

Maybe we’d have laughed

together at tree frogs in the rain, or jumped

in skipping competitions, or spread

sincere perfection through someone

else’s sorry life

Too late

I press in pin numbers

He offers a tiny cardboard yellow tree

And I leave

St Patrick wasn't a saint

2011-03-17T13:35:00.000-07:00

St Patrick was never actually canonised, so is not really a saint.

Other common myths:

that Trees produce electricity from leftover root juices which they use to light up the forest when no-one's looking, or sometimes at Electric Picnic. They actually don't.

that Dogs enjoy walks. They don't. They just like making you suffer.

that Leg cramps can't last more than a few minutes - they can actually go for days - even when you haven't been silly enough to indulge in exercise.

that Any decision is better than indecision. Simply not true. Indecision can be great, I think, at least sometimes.

that Patricks day is the only day off Lent. Not true - in fact every Sunday is a day off too - there are 46 days from Ash Wednesday to E - day - and 40 days in Lent. The Sundays are free.

that Fair City is not the greatest program in the universe. It actually is, at least as good as anything else.

Jelly Belly

2011-03-15T00:12:00.000-07:00

My first visit to the hospital in Cork land was going rather well, only two and a half hours in the door and I'd had my little checkout scan of the babs, with the surreal showing of ultrasound waves - looking like shafts of light passing through the little ones ribcage, and had had my interview with a student midwife answering all the questions that I'd answered some months back in the dubland hospital, and already I was with a doctor... I was delighted to hop up on the chair again when she said she'd take a look at the little un, her screen was smaller than the one I'd seen an hour and a half ago, but sure I had no problem having another peek inside and was in fact looking forward to yet another look. When I pulled up my top though, the jelly gave me away - sitting there in what's left of my belly button, some of the jelly used on the earlier scan. It was either own up or pretend I just put jelly there myself for no good reason... so I owned up "Er, that's just from the scan the nurse did earlier" I sheepishly admitted, and the doctor was delighted, "Well that saves me a job then" and I was back off that chair with nothing more than a quick run over with a measuring tape for my trouble. I'll be more careful in future....

Bet ye all thought with the title this post'd be all about me being as big as a house, well I hope you're not too dissappointed...

Do I use too many ellipses by the way...?

The Snuggle Snorkle and other things that should have been invented

2011-03-14T00:54:00.000-07:00

Ya know, growing new people leads to lots of fun and random side effects, like a runny nose prone to easy blockage and reduced space for lungs in your ribcage and an inability to get comfortable contributing to the torturous feeling that can sometimes steal upon you, when for once you have found the perfect position in bed, your back doesn't ache, your lodger is quiet and relaxed, and you are just perfectly snuggled under the duvet in the nicest warmest perfectest spot... until you realise - you can't breathe here - there's just not enough air around when you've snuggled to that sweet extent... So why oh why is there not an easy to use "Snuggle Snorkel" for such an occasion, to allow you to enjoy the cosy nooks of your own bed? dagnammit?! That could have been my protest subject if I'd thought of it in time...

I haven't really thought of anything else that should have been invented... but c'mon, give me a break - have you?

Protesting on the Watercats bus

2011-03-13T06:42:00.000-07:00

I had the same problem when we were told to write an angry poem for the bus, yonks ago, but this week's mission to write a good protest ditty has led to utter failure for me again...

there are so many unfair things in the world, and I know it's really important that they have their voice and people standing up against them, but I guess I feel unqualified to go on about them in the way that others can do, and do so, so much more powerfully than I ever could, because they speak from positions of authority about the raw mean-ness of life... But I can't do that, as I've been too darned lucky so far, and life has been too kind for me to really credibly get annoyed about anything much... so instead here's my feeble miaow against the half hearted angsty poem that I might have come up with if I had tried to fool myself with something angry.

For far better poems, and an exciting soon to come protest song (which will completely shock me if this stanza makes it to be a part of) head over to the driver's blog - wonderful watercats - here

Futility

I’m against the angry poems

a poem that bites and tears and foams

it won’t make nothing better

Like moo’s against wet leather

A Poem which attempts to dissuade you from bringing your Sheep to Supervalu

2011-03-09T12:17:00.000-08:00

I don't mind telling you, this next one was a tough one to write, sheeps pressure groups all over the country are lobbying strongly... but we've got to be strong. Sheep, they're sneakier than they look.

A Poem which attempts to dissuade you from bringing your Sheep to Supervalu*

Don’t bring your sheep to Supervalu

And if she tries to boss/ corral you

Stand up to her, this femme fatale ewe

Is bound to turn into a bully

She’d climb on the deli, and go for a graze

There’d be no keeping up with her sure footed ways

She’d run amok in the veggie displays

How can I tell you more fully?

Your even toed ungulate sure won’t keep the peace

She’d wolf into freshly cooked breads, such caprice

Is tough to combat when you’re faced with a fleece

Giving dark looks from eyelashes all woolly

Don’t listen if she tells you she’s only being human

And wants something tasty to fill up her rumen

Forget it, watch her close, or you’ll be left fumin'

No Supervalu for your sheep today

(* for the foreigners - it's pronounced to rhyme with value... this is why it's taken this long to write, so hard to rhyme)